MIL and baby pictures. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I'd make my husband ask for the photos. It would be easier for him to bitch out MIL if she refuses. WEIRD.

[Anonymous]

Wow, that's bizarre. Try to see it as her own weird issue and don't take it personally. Definitely ask your husband to ask her for the photos. They're pictures of his own kid and she's his mom. His mom should give him pictures of his own child.

[Anonymous]

MIL has control issues. Sorry OP. I know what it is to have a bizarro MIL.

[Anonymous]

What does your dh say about this?

[Anonymous]

this is very, very strange. some kind of possessive insecurity going on here. Go kindly at first, express that she is more than welcome to keep and cherish the photos she took, but that you expect that photos of your child will be shared with you. Say you are not comfortable with her taking any more pictures of your child again if she refuses to share. emphasize the whole "MY child" in all of this. don't let it go. you will only build resentment in the situation. absolutely have DH get involved.

I'm shocked this is the only sign of her craziness? I mean she doesn't do any other odd behavior? usually this kind of stuff would go hand in hand with other wackadoo behavior..

[Anonymous]

I too am wondering what your DH has said about his mothers behavior.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so I totally agree with everyone that this is bat shit crazy. But, unless you already have a bad relationship with her, I say let this go. You can and should mention that you don't understand it. I like the suggested comment for your DH to make. But beyond that, I would NOT go tit for tat and stop her from taking pics or stop sending pics to her. It's HER weird issue. Let her know you think its weird and that it's disappointing that she wouldn't share such joyous images of a child, especially ones at events with you all there. Don't give her the satisfaction of turning this into a power war.

[Anonymous]

OMG OP I have a very similar problem, although my MIL won't come right out and say no, she just drags her feet ridiculously about sending the pics. She's a (mostly former) professional photographer so she is weird about her "intellectual property," plus she doesn't really understand the internet, so she won't ever post pics on a sharing site. It's reaalllllyyy annoying, but if I push her hard enough she will send them. Sometimes I ask her to give me her memory card and put them right on my computer while she stands there -- she HATES that but again she doesn't say no. If she said no straight out, I would absolutely ask her not to take any more pictures of my kid. (Actually, I would have my DH ask her. It's his mom and it would cause a lot less drama if it came from him.)

[Anonymous]

Yes, I agree with PP's. Totally, absolutely weird. I'm mean, really strange.

[Anonymous]

Let it go, ignore her, and for years you will have a fun little story about what a nutjob your MIL is/was. And let hubby deal with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: "You know, Jane...those photographs are personal to me."

This is bizarre. I'd have my husband ask for the photos. If she still refused, she wouldn't be allowed to photograph my kid any longer. That response is just creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so I totally agree with everyone that this is bat shit crazy. But, unless you already have a bad relationship with her, I say let this go. You can and should mention that you don't understand it. I like the suggested comment for your DH to make. But beyond that, I would NOT go tit for tat and stop her from taking pics or stop sending pics to her. It's HER weird issue. Let her know you think its weird and that it's disappointing that she wouldn't share such joyous images of a child, especially ones at events with you all there. Don't give her the satisfaction of turning this into a power war.

Tough issue, OP. Her response to you is really odd. I think the poster quoted above gave you the best advice. If your relationship with her other than this one thing has mostly been OK, why turn it into WW3? It is her craziness, don't let it become yours. I do think it would be worthwhile to have your husband gently raise the issue with her and see if he can figure out what's going on inside her head.

[Anonymous]

I think it's very strange and borderline obnoxious. I'd be irritated for sure.

That said, I would not go passive-aggressive by refusing to share my photos. In addition to the "two wrongs don't make a right" cliche, it also doesn't resolve the problem long-term. It just sends a vague message that she may or may not receive.

Instead, I'd have DH talk with her directly. Have him request the photos clearly and directly. Depending on her reaction, he should also be prepared to ask directly why she has been so reluctant to share them and other photos in the past. His mission is to get it all out on the table once and for all. And then have the two of them "problem-solve" a solution for how to handle it "next time."

Above all else, have DH do it. She's his mother. This is his conversation. Just help him prepare to resolve it fully.

[Anonymous]

I'm a big supporter of the "pick your battles" philosophy, and generally say to let in-law issues go for the sake of family harmony, but this actually raises a red flag for me, especially if your MIL is not normally passive-aggressive. How are pictures of a family birthday party personal? It sounds like there's some reason she doesn't want you to see them -- are they all crotch shots or something?

I wouldn't block her access to your pictures, but, I think I'd tell her (or have DH tell her) that her bizarre position has unnerved you and that you are not okay with pictures of your child being kept from you. If she still won't let you see the pictures, I would seriously think about not letting her take any more pictures of my kid.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to chime in and say I agree that this is really weird and kind of creepy.

I wouldn't go nutso on her but I also would try to investigate what's really going on because it seems like such a weird and irrational thing for her to say.