MIL and baby pictures. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP here. To answer the questions raised thus far:

-MIL hasn't ever shown any "wackadoo" behavior besides this, IMO. We have hit speedbumps several times, during wedding planning (she disagreed about food, location, dress, # of guests but wasn't paying for anything), for holiday plans, and over our DC's name. Her behavior was never more than griping or tears and we ended up compromising nicely on every thing but the name (she did cold shoulder us for that for about a week). None of this really seems to be outlandish behavior for a MIL in my mind, but then again I have four sisters and a couple of them have MILs from hell so my perception might be skewed.

-MIL is not technologically inept; she emails us pictures all the time.

-DH did talk to his mom about this; he brought it up in passing during a phone call a few days after I spoke to her and he said she denied ever saying that she wouldn't send the pics and would send them. But hasn't.

I think I am inclined to let this go this time. I think MIL is definitely trying to play some kind of game with me but since she has never acted this way before, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. I won't take her off the photo site but I don't think I am going to go out of my way to get photos printed for her anymore and I will definitely won't spend the time to put together a photo book for her this year.

I am just glad to know I am not overreacting. Thanks!

You seem to have been conditioned to think that unacceptable behavior is actually acceptable. It is not OK for her to give you crap about your child's name. It is really rude for her to weigh in on your wedding choices. Your DRESS? What food you serve your guests? I can understand her letting you know if there couldbe some kind of problem with the location or you forgot about Uncle Bob. But otherwise she is way over the line. And crying about stuff? That's manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's MIL is acting really weird and controlling, but I think every MIL-DIL relationship is problematic. It's certainly possible to get along and have respect for each other, but there's always an element of competition.

MIL raises DS from babyhood and then DIL comes on the scene and everything changes. MIL feels jealous of the new love, DIL resents DH's Mother and the bond between Mother and Son.

There's nothing new under the sun. One day, those of us who are mother's of sons will become the crazy MIL. The circle of life goes on...

No. some of us have very healthy non-competitive relationships with our MILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP here. To answer the questions raised thus far:

-MIL hasn't ever shown any "wackadoo" behavior besides this, IMO. We have hit speedbumps several times, during wedding planning (she disagreed about food, location, dress, # of guests but wasn't paying for anything), for holiday plans, and over our DC's name. Her behavior was never more than griping or tears and we ended up compromising nicely on every thing but the name (she did cold shoulder us for that for about a week). None of this really seems to be outlandish behavior for a MIL in my mind, but then again I have four sisters and a couple of them have MILs from hell so my perception might be skewed.

-MIL is not technologically inept; she emails us pictures all the time.

-DH did talk to his mom about this; he brought it up in passing during a phone call a few days after I spoke to her and he said she denied ever saying that she wouldn't send the pics and would send them. But hasn't.

I think I am inclined to let this go this time. I think MIL is definitely trying to play some kind of game with me but since she has never acted this way before, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. I won't take her off the photo site but I don't think I am going to go out of my way to get photos printed for her anymore and I will definitely won't spend the time to put together a photo book for her this year.

I am just glad to know I am not overreacting. Thanks!

You seem to have been conditioned to think that unacceptable behavior is actually acceptable. It is not OK for her to give you crap about your child's name. It is really rude for her to weigh in on your wedding choices. Your DRESS? What food you serve your guests? I can understand her letting you know if there couldbe some kind of problem with the location or you forgot about Uncle Bob. But otherwise she is way over the line. And crying about stuff? That's manipulative.

Agree with the above. Totally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's completely inappropriate of your mother in law. I'd have said, "Well, MY child is personal TO ME. If you're going to be so weird about this then I'll have to request you not take pictures of her ever again."

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's completely inappropriate of your mother in law. I'd have said, "Well, MY child is personal TO ME. If you're going to be so weird about this then I'll have to request you not take pictures of her ever again."

Yep.

Me too. Strange!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP here. To answer the questions raised thus far:

-MIL hasn't ever shown any "wackadoo" behavior besides this, IMO. We have hit speedbumps several times, during wedding planning (she disagreed about food, location, dress, # of guests but wasn't paying for anything), for holiday plans, and over our DC's name. Her behavior was never more than griping or tears and we ended up compromising nicely on every thing but the name (she did cold shoulder us for that for about a week). None of this really seems to be outlandish behavior for a MIL in my mind, but then again I have four sisters and a couple of them have MILs from hell so my perception might be skewed.

-MIL is not technologically inept; she emails us pictures all the time.

-DH did talk to his mom about this; he brought it up in passing during a phone call a few days after I spoke to her and he said she denied ever saying that she wouldn't send the pics and would send them. But hasn't.

!

This is all super weird behavior. Your perspective is skewed. You do have a shitty, wacko MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't get over dramatic. Your MIL would prob love it, because she sounds dramatic.

That or next time you take some pics or get professional ones ask if she will swap some party ones with you.

No matter what take the high road. Get your husband to ask for the party photos and leave it at that. Otherwise you are going to start a stupid feud that you will regret. Family is important and you will be hurting your husband and daughter over photographs.

Totally agree with this poster. Not worth the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm an optimist here, but maybe she is planning to make you something (like a photo book), and she doesn't want to ruin the surprise?

This was my exact thought.

[Anonymous]

I am amazed at all of the bad advice on this thread. Fighting with your MIL just not worth it and it will drag everyone else in the family into it, too.

I am glad the OP has a good head on her shoulders and I like her plan. Sure MIL is being weird about some pictures but if the only problem you have with your in laws is that they won't share pictures with you, then count yourself lucky and don't create drama...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP here. To answer the questions raised thus far:

-MIL hasn't ever shown any "wackadoo" behavior besides this, IMO. We have hit speedbumps several times, during wedding planning (she disagreed about food, location, dress, # of guests but wasn't paying for anything), for holiday plans, and over our DC's name. Her behavior was never more than griping or tears and we ended up compromising nicely on every thing but the name (she did cold shoulder us for that for about a week). None of this really seems to be outlandish behavior for a MIL in my mind, but then again I have four sisters and a couple of them have MILs from hell so my perception might be skewed.

-MIL is not technologically inept; she emails us pictures all the time.

-DH did talk to his mom about this; he brought it up in passing during a phone call a few days after I spoke to her and he said she denied ever saying that she wouldn't send the pics and would send them. But hasn't.

!

This is all super weird behavior. Your perspective is skewed. You do have a shitty, wacko MIL.

Seriously. This is all very strange and you shouldn't have to put up with it. Don't think it's appropriate for her to behave the way she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm an optimist here, but maybe she is planning to make you something (like a photo book), and she doesn't want to ruin the surprise?

This was my exact thought.

But it sounds like the MIL has always done this with photos. At least this isn't the first time.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should fight with her, but I would not talk with her privately any more. I'd insist on your husband calling and talking with her when it is necessary to call -- she's trying to make you look bad by essentially saying you were lying. I wouldn't trust her -- she's trying to put a wedge between you and your husband.

I would also stop sharing photos with her. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I wouldn't send her anymore.

And, your husband should follow up with her and ask her where the photos are she is sending.

[Anonymous]

The advice to have all communication about weird stuff like this go through your husband is right on.

Although I'm a bit forward, and would probably sort of laught it off, make light of it best I could because COME ON, THAT IS WEIRD FUNNY SH!T your mother in law is pulling on you! I mean, aren't you glad you're not her? What kind of wacky ku-coo brain farts is she dealing with on a daily basis?

So anyway, when your husband talks with your MIL to kindly ask for photos--see if he also gets rebuffed. If he does, or if he's ignored, then HE (not you) should express anger (if he feels it) and tell her off. Or ignore it. Whatever. She might just enjoy whatever little bizarro drama she can stir up.

Have you noticed there are posters here on DCUM like that?

Hey, now that I think of it, maybe one of the snarky DCUM-ers is actually your MIL!

Yeah, she's got a screw loose.

[Anonymous]

Agree with taking the high road, but also love the photo-bombing suggestion. Not so high road, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Weird, weird, weird. Just WEIRD!

I think this was the best advice so far:

I'd have DH call her and say something like "Jane is really sad she didn't get any pics at the last event. You did, so if they turned out do you mind sharing any? I think Jane may have asked but we haven't received any."

At this point, I'd call, or have DH call, and ask nicely one last time. Remind her that it isn't your norm to rely on her for photos, but that your camera battery died, and you would really appreciate her sending some pictures because otherwise you don't have any.

Other than that, I'd just let the issue die quietly. Without being totally pasive aggressive, I'd just stop going out of my way for her. Not my job to punish, but I'm also not willing to do special things for people like this.