MIL and baby pictures. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Hello,

I am the mother of a 10 month old. My parents and my ILs are very devoted grandparents, which we love, and have been taking copious amounts of pictures of our little one since birth. The issue is...that MIL doesn't share the pictures she takes of my child with me. Most of the time it doesn't really matter because I am an avid photographer myself and rarely leave home without my camera. But a few weeks ago we were at a family birthday party and my battery died. MIL was snapping away and as we were leaving I asked if she would forward me copies of the pics. She didn't really say anything. I never received the pics so during one of our weekly phone calls, I asked her to send them again. There was an awkward pause and then she said, "You know, Jane...those photographs are personal to me." I didn't push it because I was caught off guard. I made small talk and then got off the call.

But as they days go by I am starting to feel more and more weirded out by this. Those photographs are of my kid at a party that we all attended. I just don't get it. I have made MIL a member of the site where I upload pictures of DC several times a month, I send her hard copies of the best ones regularly and for her birthday I made her a photo book. I know she knows how to get pictures off of her camera to send them because she is always sending us snaps of dings to her car or tomatoes in the garden. So it isn't that. And our relationship is pretty good -- she has always been a little competitive and perhaps a bit dramatic at worst but for the most part we get along well and nothing like this has ever happened before (although now that I think about it, years ago I requested baby pictures of DH to make copies of for a birthday invite and she never sent them). And FWIW, my parents regularly email me copies of the pics they take of DC without having to be asked (and even send copies to MIL occasionally).

My friends have said they would not allow her to take pics of my child anymore if she's not willing to share but I am more inclined to just let it go. Still, my feelings are a bit hurt. What would you do in my situation?

[Anonymous]

I'd stop sending her photos. It may sound petty, but she's being odd and a little creepy about it and if she wants to be that possessive, I'd stop being forthcoming with your photos. If she says anything, you can tell her why. Perhaps she'll think about her response to you and realize how many fewer photos she's getting and start sharing.

[Anonymous]

That is WEIRD.

I'd have DH call her and say something like "Jane is really sad she didn't get any pics at the last event. You did, so if they turned out do you mind sharing any? I think Jane may have asked but we haven't received any."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is WEIRD.

I'd have DH call her and say something like "Jane is really sad she didn't get any pics at the last event. You did, so if they turned out do you mind sharing any? I think Jane may have asked but we haven't received any."

Agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Wow. That's weird. I don't know what to tell you but that is just so odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd stop sending her photos. It may sound petty, but she's being odd and a little creepy about it and if she wants to be that possessive, I'd stop being forthcoming with your photos. If she says anything, you can tell her why. Perhaps she'll think about her response to you and realize how many fewer photos she's getting and start sharing.

Ooh yes, this. I don't think you can reasonably try to prevent her from taking pics, but you can stop sending the ones you take!

[Anonymous]

No advice, but I agree that is really really weird of your MIL. I'm not sure how I would react, but I would definitely be put out. Have DH talk to her and see what she says to his request.

[Anonymous]

That's completely inappropriate of your mother in law. I'd have said, "Well, MY child is personal TO ME. If you're going to be so weird about this then I'll have to request you not take pictures of her ever again."

[Anonymous]

I would call her and say that your conversation has been bothering you. Ask her to explain her reasoning. She may have a valid explanation, but more likely she will flounder or repeat what she said before. If that's the case, I would say, "I'm really not comfortable with people taking photos of my child that they aren't willing to show me. I'm afraid I'll have to insist that you either share photos in the future or refrain from photographing my child."

[Anonymous]

Stop sending her any photos of your child. Block her from the photo sharing site she currently has access to.

Stop bringing your child to her home or meeting her in public places--only allow her to see your child in your home.

Before she steps foot in your home, demand a "purse check" the same way they do before you go in to museums, amusement parks, etc. Do not allow her to bring in any cameras or cell phones/ipads/etc. with photo-taking capability.

[Anonymous]

Don't get over dramatic. Your MIL would prob love it, because she sounds dramatic.

That or next time you take some pics or get professional ones ask if she will swap some party ones with you.

No matter what take the high road. Get your husband to ask for the party photos and leave it at that. Otherwise you are going to start a stupid feud that you will regret. Family is important and you will be hurting your husband and daughter over photographs.

[Anonymous]

Personally for me I don't like to share books with others because I never get them back but pictures are a different issue. I could see perhaps back when we used film and negatives she would be worried about not having the negative. But its digital photos - so easy to share. As another PP mentioned I would call and say you didn't fully understand her reasoning- maybe she doesn't want to share them on a photo web site? But that wouldn't mean she couldn't send them to you in another format. If you don't get a sensible response from her then I would stop providing her pictures of your child. It is after all YOUR child.

[Anonymous]

Block her from the photo site, and wait for her cam batteries dying one day too...

[Anonymous]

That is really strange. I would definitely stop sharing all your photos with her.

I don't just share all my photos of my kid with anyone, but I do share photos of events when my parents or the ILs have been there. For instance, my son's recent birthday party. And both grandmothers shared all their photos of the event.

I wonder if your MIL has issues with seeing all the photos? Does she have some weird vibe, like perhaps seeing too much of your life and then making some assumptions, feeling left out....? I would stop sharing all your photos, definitely.

[Anonymous]

Agree that that is weird.

I wouldn't let it go, but I also wouldn't go crazy on her. Give her a chance to explain herself and to explain to her how weird she's being. I'd ask her again, nicely, and say that you are really sad that you don't have any pictures from the event and would appreciate it if she could share the ones that she took. If she again says something weird, have DH talk with her and get into what the heck is going on.

I think you have a right to outright demand the photos and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. You could say something about how you aren't comfortable with anyone -- even a grandma -- taking pictures of your child and not sharing them. If she continues to refuse to share photos, I would say that you are happy to share yours but you do not want her taking any herself. Again, I wouldn't get mean about it, but at some point, she has to recognize that SHE is being mean to you.