MIL and baby pictures. WWYD?
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Anonymous
| Any chance MIL is hiding the fact that she is technologically inept? |
Anonymous
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That is super weird, especially since your camera died and you don't have your own pictures from the event. Ask your DH to talk to her about the issue.
Does she have much of a relationship with your child? The only thing I can think of is that she clings to the pictures as something special just for her, like if she doesn't have any sort of bond with the child other than thru you, and the pictures woudln't be as special if other people saw them. Which is nutty, but probably better than if she's some closet sicko taking crotch shots. Sort of like when I was 6 and went to Disney and sat in front at the 'Small World' ride. When the ride ended and I realized there were dozens of other people on it with me, I apparently started bawling because I thought the whole thing JUST FOR ME and I didn't want other people to have the same special ride. But I was 6, so... |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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This is OP here. To answer the questions raised thus far:
-MIL hasn't ever shown any "wackadoo" behavior besides this, IMO. We have hit speedbumps several times, during wedding planning (she disagreed about food, location, dress, # of guests but wasn't paying for anything), for holiday plans, and over our DC's name. Her behavior was never more than griping or tears and we ended up compromising nicely on every thing but the name (she did cold shoulder us for that for about a week). None of this really seems to be outlandish behavior for a MIL in my mind, but then again I have four sisters and a couple of them have MILs from hell so my perception might be skewed. -MIL is not technologically inept; she emails us pictures all the time. -DH did talk to his mom about this; he brought it up in passing during a phone call a few days after I spoke to her and he said she denied ever saying that she wouldn't send the pics and would send them. But hasn't. I think I am inclined to let this go this time. I think MIL is definitely trying to play some kind of game with me but since she has never acted this way before, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. I won't take her off the photo site but I don't think I am going to go out of my way to get photos printed for her anymore and I will definitely won't spend the time to put together a photo book for her this year. I am just glad to know I am not overreacting. Thanks! |
Anonymous
An adult in tears over a disagreement? A week's cold shoulder over YOUR baby's name? That seems pretty "wackadoo" to me. |
Anonymous
| I'm the PP with the similar MIL. I neglected to mention that my MIL has made my DC (and us, really) two incredibly beautiful, creative, unique photo books with the pictures she has taken. She is big into surprises and in retrospect I realized that she was trying to take certain pics to fit in with the book she was making -- e.g. one of the books was an alphabet book, so she was trying to get pics of my DC with say, a xylophone or whatever. It's still weird though, bc she used only a fraction of the pictures she took for the books. But I think she was really trying to make the books a wonderful surprise. They really were, even though I had already seen many of the pictures. My point is perhaps your MIL actually has good intentions. |
Anonymous
This isn't "wackadoo" behavior. It manipulative, passive-aggressive behavior. And it's so not okay. |
Anonymous
| She gave you crap over your kid's name? Wtf? |
Anonymous
| Maybe I'm an optimist here, but maybe she is planning to make you something (like a photo book), and she doesn't want to ruin the surprise? |
Anonymous
This! Maybe have on speaker so you can both reason with her. I think it's sweet that she loves your child, and I wouldn't want to be mean or petty, but you definitely need to let her know that it's not okay to take pictures and not share when asked of your child! |
Anonymous
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This sounds like something my friend's MIL would do. That lady had a baby shower - FOR HERSELF - in which all her friends showed up and bought essentially a full nursery for the new grandchild (slightly justifiable as MIL was providing a lot of childcare but still seemed creepy to me). She also has made a couple photobooks which basically remove all traces of the actual parents - a stranger reading the books would totally think that it was her child.
For me, it raises all kinds of red flags about boundary issues - the same way that complaining about YOUR choice of wedding dress or venue would raise red flags (whether she was paying or not). I would talk with your husband and present a united front on this. Personally, I would also try to marginalize MIL a bit. It sounds like she maybe has issues understanding that this is not HER child or HER wedding. |
Anonymous
| This is totally weird. Don't send her any pictures (hard copies or online sharing) until she sends you some. |
Anonymous
| I think she doesn't know how to download the photos. My dad doesn't He takes his camera to the drug store and gets prints! |
Anonymous
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8:22 PP here. I didn't read OPs response. Sorry about that!
It sounds like she is being passive aggressive, but honestly, it could be something completely different. I would be inclined to let it go for now. She could be insecure about her picture taking abilities, she could be planning something for your DC, or she could just want some pictures of her own. Back before we had digital images, I used to visit my grandparents and there would be a whole different set of pictures of me. I enjoyed looking at those albums, as they were pictures I hardly ever saw. Nowadays, you don't have that. Maybe she just wants some "grandma" pictures. While it's weird, and I would want all images of my child, it may not be creepy at all. From now on, always make sure you charge your battery before events, and just let your MIL be a little strange! |
Anonymous
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"We have hit speedbumps several times, during wedding planning (she disagreed about food, location, dress, # of guests but wasn't paying for anything), for holiday plans, and over our DC's name. Her behavior was never more than griping or tears and we ended up compromising nicely on every thing but the name (she did cold shoulder us for that for about a week)."
This isn't MIL from hell behavior, but it's definitely not great MIL behavior. MIL needs to learn some boundaries. I think she's pulling the passive-agressive control freak bit just to have control over "something"--forgetting that none of these things is hers to control. Stop compromising so much over things that are not her place to have a say in. |