My sister and I had babies within a few weeks of each other. I thought it would be fun but its not.
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Anonymous
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You sound a bit judgemental of your sister. In fact, you sound very judgemental. I am sur she spent just as much thought on her choices as you did on yours.
Quit fretting about the fact she decided to raise her baby in her own way. Children change everyone. Doing things this way probably help her to enjoy the experience more. Relax, drink a glass of wine, and enjoy your beautiful baby. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
I never criticize my sister or her choices. I know better. Its never gotten me anywhere and it never will. She is the older sister and would or could never tolerate me voicing any type of criticism about her. Lifetime experience on that one. Despite all that. I love my sister and my nephew. I'm just tired of the criticism that is coming my way. My words about her are just me venting. |
Anonymous
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Take breath, get some distance and perspective, and go easy on each other. parenthood is long, and hard. this petty stuff will seem like nothing in a few years, and you will both grow and change as parents in time. having a sister, and close in age cousins, locally, is very special, and will be a huge gift to your kids in the long run.
new motherhood is so fraught, and all these criticisms come from a place of insecurity. you feel judged by her, and I am pretty sure she feels the same way- your tone comes across as very judgmental, even if you don't realize it- and I wonder if she is reacting against these perceived judgments. try to be kind, and when that is too hard take a break and get some space. |
Anonymous
| So, basically she isn't parenting how you are and she is wrong. You are upset at her for not being you. |
Anonymous
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The same thing happen with my brother. Super annoying! Only it was him lecturing me on how I ought to be more self-sufficient (a single mom, thanks!) while he had his MIL give full-time, round-the-clock care as needed to both of his children, in addition to daycare and their mom. This, in response to me asking him for a ride to Costco once every six months. Him going on about how hard parenthood is, when he has it so easy....well, it is incredibly irritating. He used to make all of these pronouncements all the time and critiqued my every little action when it differed from what his experience had been. In fact, that was the definition of doing things right, if I followed his example or not. I finally said to him that it wasn't his place to judge or correct me. His response? "Well, then I can't imagine what we have to talk about." And I haven't spoken to him since. FWIW, I hear the sadness and disappointment in your post. |
Anonymous
i agree with this. OP, even if you're not unleashing it out on her, it doesn't sound like she's unleashing her judgment on you either. fact of the matter is, both of you are judging each other... maybe you're more alike than you want to admit. |
Anonymous
I understand you being mad because she is criticizing your choices, but you sound really annoyed by anyone who uses disposable diapers and formula feed their babies! Do you have a problem with that? |
Anonymous
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Hey little sister! Your annoying older sister here! This was brought to my attention by a friend who thought she recognized YOU in the writing. Thanks for venting our issues in a public forum!
Now, please come TALK TO ME if you have a problem with me. I am not going to eat you alive. Love ya! |
Anonymous
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OP, I really feel for you. Something similar happened between me and my best friend, whose first was born 5 days after my first. She has an extremely dogmatic personality (which it sounds like your sister does as well), and the dogmatism went into overdrive once she was a mom.
A piece of good advice I got here was to remember that the first year of caring for your first child brings on incredible tunnel vision. NOTHING seems more important than the decisions you make for your baby (and it can be argued that nothing else is more important than these decisions--but for subsequent children, the decisions just feel less weighty). After 10-18 months, I predict that your sister and you will both be able to relax more. I got through the tough time with my best friend by withdrawing for two years. This will be harder to do with your sister, but please try to put some distance between yourself and her. Hang out with other moms of newborns who share or accept your parenting practices. Things will get better in time. I'm sure it absolutely sucks now, but take comfort in the fact that once the first year or two is passed, your child will be blessed with a "twin" cousin. |
Anonymous
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If you wanted all the attention to be on you...maybe you should have planned this better.
You cannot have it all. |
Anonymous
| I'm guessing you two are just competitive with each other, which is quite normal for sisters. You just need to tune her out, I think she is coming from a place of insecurity. |
Anonymous
Your sister is right you are a bitch. Your "Love ya!!" is so condescending and certainly not genuine. As an older sister to fellow older sister, let me give you some advice: You hold a special place as an older sister, you are looked up to by your younger siblings. It is your responsibility not to be critical, judgmental and condescending. Being that way is hurtful and makes you nothing more than a bully. You need to grow up and carry yourself like a compassionate adult. It is quite hypocritical of you to continue to use this public forum to call your sister out. What is wrong with your phone? Along with being a bitch, you sound very immature and I think your sister’s grievances are probably spot on. I can see why she did not approach you directly, you seem very confrontational. |
Anonymous
| It's hard to tell who is the judgmental one here. I think it's fine if you and your sister make different decisions for different reasons. She is not hurting her child, so it shouldn't matter to you whether she prefers cloth or disposable diapers. The real problem is that you are either quietly (or not so quietly) judging one another's choices. |
Anonymous
| white girl problems |
Anonymous
Agree. You're just as bad as your sister for judging her. Let it go. That being said, if she criticizes your methods, either directly or passive aggressively, tell her to shut the fuck up. |