My sister and I had babies within a few weeks of each other. I thought it would be fun but its not.
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Anonymous
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She is driving me crazy! We are both first time moms but she is a major know it all and a major hypocrite.
Pre-baby, she was little miss green. Everything gender neutral. Everything green and sustainable. Live where you work. Yadda yadda yadda. You know the type. Pre-baby, I was just normal folk. Not into anything too trendy. I did my research to figure out what works for me. I co-sleep but do not bed share. I cloth diaper. I breast feed and make my own baby food. I hold my kid anytime he needs to be held either in my arms or in my ergo. Motherhood has changed my life and I'm not afraid to deny it. I've had to adjust a few things to suit his needs but overall I'm lovjng being a mother. I just wish I didn't have to hear my sister flapping on about how her way is better all the time. She insists that life hasn't changed for her at all. She stills does everything she wants to do and everything she did before. She has tried to break her son of what she calls his needy behaviours. She doesn't think he should want to be held all that often. She uses disposable diapers and doesn't breast feed in public because "its gross." she goes out so much that her supply dwindled so her son gets mostly formula. Now, she thinks her house is too small and she is planning to move out to the suburbs (but close in) and she bought a huge mini van to accommodate her one baby. I wouldn't care really because to each their own but little miss green is turning into little miss commercialism and has decided that her way is best and criticizes me for my choices. Being mothers together is not any fun at all! |
Anonymous
| Just take a break from each other. You're both tired. None of this stuff matters. |
Anonymous
| You sound just as judgmental to me as you accuse her of being. Do your own thing then, what's the big secret? Things will fall into place, or they won't, but pretty soon you'll both realize there is no "right or wrong," just what works for you. |
Anonymous
| Dear God. Focus on your baby and get the hell over it! You're both mothers now forever, so you've got a long road ahead of you if you're going to complain about the vehicles she drives and how she feeds her kid. Lots of people think they'll parent a certain way and change their minds once the kid is already here, she's not a monster. |
Anonymous
You are a real bitch.
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Anonymous
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I am guessin you live close to each other/in the same town, and are SAHMs? You thought you and she would do things with the baby cousins together -- but now it isn't working out?
Best thing would be she moves to the suburbs and you stay where you are; and you each get your own group of more like-minded friends to hang out with. |
Anonymous
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she is still your sister and your baby has the blessing of having a cousin so close to age. just tell her how you feel, set up some ground rules and enjoy your lives.
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Anonymous
| I would take this as a sign of massive insecurity on her part. |
Anonymous
| It sounds kind of annoying, if what you're saying is that she's subjecting you to a stream of negative judgment and comparisons while you're just trying to do your thing. Maybe you can gently raise this in an email to her. Otherwise, I agree with the advice to pull back a bit, join a moms group or otherwise start hanging out with other moms. Between the exhaustion and stresses of new parenthood, you both might not be at your best with each other given that you're siblings and possibly less guarded/careful. I bet down the road you guys will be able to laugh about this. In the meantime, just keep telling her "different strokes" and bite your tongue about her choices. Congrats on the baby! |
Anonymous
Yea! A voice of reason. Just talk to her and move on! |
Anonymous
| How old are your babies? |
Anonymous
| Seriously, just stop judging her and stop comparing yourself to her, and things will be much easier. It's not a game, there is no winner. Who cares which of you is more "green" or "commercial" or whatever. You should each just do whats best for you. |
Anonymous
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When your babies get older and start developing real personalities, you both will revel in your respective child's awesomeness and have much more important and fun things to dwell on than who is using what to diaper their baby's butt or what the walk-score of your neighborhood is.
Being a FTM of a young baby is incredibly isolating, even when other people are doing it right beside you. Give it some time, and be nice to each other. |
Anonymous
| I'm with you, OP. My sister and I had babies within a month, and it is not fun. I also had a LOT of friends have babies the same year I did, so there was plenty of "new mom chatter." My sister, however, decided that she was not a first time mom, she was automatically Best Mom Ever. It was/has been annoying, but you just have to get over it. The best advice I can give is to focus on YOUR baby and just tune out the extra. If your sister criticizes your choices, just shrug your shoulders and let it go (and keep your mouth closed when it comes to her choices, too). My favorite phrase was "we do what works for OUR family." Can't argue with that--she does what works for her, you do what works for you. |
Anonymous
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OP my sister and I had babies within a month of each other, too. I guarantee you your sister feels the same way that you feel about her! It's new mom insecurity -- we all say stupid shit like "Oh, DC just STTN, I think it's because I did X" and that's automatically perceived as competition by other ftms. ESPECIALLY close ftms like sisters.
Just let it go, trust me. Who cares what she thinks? It's not going to affect you in any way. |