How long do you wait to tell someone that your child is gifted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids, one of whom is (I'm not comfortable with saying gifted, but lets say academically advanced). I've discussed it in person with three fellow mothers ever...

1) one who was telling me about the AAP process for her kid, and I asked her questions,

2)one who has been a close friend for years and who asked me about it, and

3)once when my kid was 3 and an aquaintance I don't like was going on and on and on about how amazing it was that her 3 year old could count to 20, seriously over a half hour about it. ,Then looked at me and said "when do you think your kid will learn to count" and I said "hey, kid, what's 8+15?" and my 3 year old promptly answered "23, mommy! "

I think it comes up sometimes, but not right away in most cases.

I like you. And will totally remember #3 should DD demonstrate her father's freakish math skills rather than my freakish lack of math skills.

What is it or how do you know? Does he count a lot out loud? Why is this not OCD?

I was being flip. They're actually just regular "person who really likes statistics" skills. They only seem freakish to me because I really, really do not like statistics.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 9:07 as to #3. That's a tad malicious.

This has never happened to me, never. My child is verbally gifted but I never mention it to anyone.

Wait until high school. Parents have showed up at soccer practice boasting about their older child's SAT scores. I'm on a listserv with some writers and one mother boasted about her child's SAT scores there, too.

[Anonymous]

My son is gifted in the non-verbal domain and I haven't told anyone.

I have a friend who makes sure EVERYONE knows he is in a gifted program leaving out he was far from qualifying scorewise initially. She gets mortified everytime said gifted child says something or does something in public that would lead one to question his giftedness.

I was gifted according to scores and so were my siblings. Never told anyone. IMO it's somewhat meaningless. The IQ score is a number that gives you a little info, but not much. It tells you the person handles testing situations well. It tells you they may do well academically or not.

I have met plenty of adults who were not in gifted programs and they are very successful in career and personal life. Have met just as many gifted program folks who are a mess. Sometimes I think you do more harm than good blowing too much hot air up a kid's a$s.

I say compliment hard work and kindness and make a big deal about those things. An IQ score is not something you work hard for and IMO it can give people a false sense of "specialness."

[Anonymous]

PP I meant to say the friend tells everyone HER SON is in a GT program.

[Anonymous]

I get that no one wants to hear bragging, but what i don't get is why sharing a reasonable amount of information about your kid's strengths/attributes is inappropriate. Why would I resent someone else's kid's intelligence? Why does it have to be bragging if, in fact, my kid is smart? I'm not saying my kid is smartER than yours. Parents of special needs kids are allowed to talk about their kids and their challenges, but parents of smart kids are not?

i would be interested to hear what Dads/men have to say about this issue. i've been thinking about another recent post about why so many women start comments with "i may be wrong..." or "just my thought..." or whatever, and i wonder if there's a relationship between that behavior and the feeling that anything positive you say about a smart kid is not socially acceptable. Men don't apologize for being smart, having a good idea, asking a question. I suspect that many would also talk confidently about smart kids and encourage others to do the same.

[Anonymous]

I have met plenty of adults who were not in gifted programs and they are very successful in career and personal life. Have met just as many gifted program folks who are a mess. Sometimes I think you do more harm than good blowing too much hot air up a kid's a$s.

I say compliment hard work and kindness and make a big deal about those things. An IQ score is not something you work hard for and IMO it can give people a false sense of "specialness."

Love this! thank you! that is all.

[Anonymous]

Bragging = insecurity.

[Anonymous]

I never mention it. Nobody needs to know so why would I say anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a funny situation that I see happen over and over again.
At a party or park or other social gathering and a parent with a gifted child comes up to me and tells me within oh, about 10 minutes.
I have noticed that once that is said, the converstion leads to how the schools are slowing their child down, schools are dumbed down, the other kids are holding my child back, and so on.
To me, this is no different than say, talking about your salary, or other private things like how big..., well, just private.

Just wait for days after knowing someone to bring it up...if you must.

Eh. We are all going to brag about our kids being the best. I hope.
My cousin told my mom when he was in 3rd grade. She reminds him every time he talks to her how he's gifted... he's now 32ish. But, we were all gifted so we tended not to mention it.
I'd rather people be surprised by my little bumpkin but he is slowly turning out to be just plain old average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bragging = insecurity.

That it is! Which is why I don't get sucked into the world of competitive parenting. Insecurity doesn't shine as bright as when someone brags about something. They think people envy them but mostly people just feel sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

I get that no one wants to hear bragging, but what i don't get is why sharing a reasonable amount of information about your kid's strengths/attributes is inappropriate. Why would I resent someone else's kid's intelligence? Why does it have to be bragging if, in fact, my kid is smart? I'm not saying my kid is smartER than yours. Parents of special needs kids are allowed to talk about their kids and their challenges, but parents of smart kids are not?

Because nobody cares that your kid is smart except you so why share it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bragging = insecurity.

That it is! Which is why I don't get sucked into the world of competitive parenting. Insecurity doesn't shine as bright as when someone brags about something. They think people envy them but mostly people just feel sorry for them.

What if they just find them interesting? I love to hear how well my friend's daughter is doing. She'll probably always be smarter and more acomplished than my son. But who cares? I don't really see it as bragging. I see it as a mom who's proud of her daughter. Why is that so bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never mention it. Nobody needs to know so why would I say anything?

I agree.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't mention it. Why would anyone care? If someone else mentions it (e.g., "he's so smart!") I wouldn't deny it, I would just say something like, "Yeah, but it makes him even more of a handful!" and move on.

[Anonymous]

I saw the title of this thread and was ready to say, why would you ever need to tell people that your kid is gifted? So to that end, I agree with you, OP.

I was also in gifted classes growing up and attended a special high school- and in my case (which I expect is not unique) an aptitude in academics did not bode well for me socially. Looking back, I wouldn't have wanted my parents or others to discuss it, because outside of school I just wanted to be normal.