Really Depressed about my low performance at new job
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Anonymous
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I started out in a prestigious law firm straight out of law school, and I'm so glad I did, because the standards were so very high, and the partners spent a lot of time mentoring young lawyers. It's where I learned to how to write a good brief. I now work for the government, and I'm dismayed by the work product I get from smart lawyers who went to good law schools. They didn't get that training, and it shows. I'm guessing that as a "lateral," you are being compared to lawyers that were trained by the firm to meet certain standards. If you were right out of law school, they would be willing to teach you, but, at your current level of compensation, they don't expect to have to do that.
The question is whether you understand why your work is deficient and can figure out how to conform to their standards, or whether the job truly is just a bad fit for you. If the latter, it is probably better to acknowledge that and move on on your own terms, before they have to ask you to leave. |
Anonymous
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My father was managing partner of a prestigious law firm (head office not based in DC) for years, and unfortunately, if the higher-ups are questioning your work, you have only a small (very small) amount of time before something is done about your position. I firmly believe that it's better to be master of your own destiny, so if you have really given it your all, I would start looking for jobs that are more on par with what you left. It is better to tighten the belt and be happy with your work life than to limp along in a job you hate, feel stressed, and pick up a drinking problem along the way. That is a no-win for everyone.
Perhaps it's painful, but you've not said why you need this $$...is it tuition to a school? Lots of kids? A big mortgage? Because so many people make do on smaller salaries than a lawyer's, even a mediocre lawyer. GL, and I hope you resolve the situation soon...I really feel for you 
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Anonymous
| OP, some people are just slow starters. In the first six months at my current job I cried every day and my boss sat down and had the "I'm not sure it's working out" talk with me. I stayed and kept trying and at the one year mark I got an award for outstanding performance on a project. There are still days when I feel like an idiot, but those days are getting fewer and fewer. I've had this experience before with other jobs too (start out slow, become the top performer) and have come to accept that some of us are just more tortoise than a hare. I find that it really helps to have a mentor at the firm who you trust. Maybe this is something you've just learned about yourself. |
Anonymous
This. It's really this. I started out at a pretty low-key *but fun!* job out of law school. Frankly, it's worked out well for my lifestyle but I know I can never really move up. My writing is not as crisp as it once was and there is no way I have the internal fortitude to gut out an assignment anymore. OP, I fear inertia might have you in her grips right now. Still, I wouldn't quit. Keep working and listen to every.suggestion/requirement.they.give.you. Implement them right away. Keep striving and working. I also think you need to go to your mentor. Put your shame aside and straight out ask him if you're missing something. This person trusts your skills and knowledge. He may not even be aware there is a problem and, if he helped you get the job, might be able to ease some of the tension between you and your supervisors. There is no harm in asking. He'll at least have to acknowledge that you were being proactive in trying to fix the problem -- regardless of what may be the ultimate outcome. |
Anonymous
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OK, stupid questino from a non-lawyer. Can you hire a writing coach? I assume that whatever you are writing is confidential so you can't share it with anyone... but can you change the details enough so you could?
There must be some retired lawyers out there who can write really well who could be paid to help you edit your stuff before you turn it in... maybe? OK a really quick google search shows me there is such a thing as a legal writing coach.... http://mariebuckley.com/ I mean, so what if they charge a lot, if their help helps you improve and helps you keep the job you have ? |
Anonymous
I've also seen some of these lawyers from prestigious law firms come to the government after a few years and I haven't been all that impressed with them! OP, you have probably had the misfortune of running into one of those impossible to please higher ups and now you are in such a bad place that you are doubting yourself and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This doesn't just happen at big firms. This can happen anywhere. Can you see about working for a different group or a different partner. It may just not be a good fit with that firm. The takeaway is that you cannot let this experience define you or what you are capable of accomplishing in your life. It may just be a temporary setback. |
Anonymous
| Before you have any hope of fixing the problem, you have to identify it correctly. What specifically is the issue? Writing? Subject matter expertise? |
Anonymous
| They are setting you up to fail. Let me guess, you didn't go to a top 10 school. The ones who did and who are eviscerating your work want to prove that you are not a member of the club. |
Anonymous
| OP, figure what is the problem. Some people, lawyers, also just really like the red pen- the control, the power it gives them. Either way you need to define the problem. Go talk to your mentor. Keep all drafts. I used to work for a partner who was control freak and loved the red pen, he would change thimngs, next draft, next draft so on and so forth until things got changed back to what was originally wrote or close enough to it. Is it grammatical, annalytical, stylistic, maybe you just need to proofread more? Ask pointed direct questions of the people correcting your work. Ask for clarification. Take a deep breathe, stop drinking, focus. You can do this. Question is do you want to? If it is fixable, do you want to fix it. If so, just do it. if not, reidirect your energies to lowering your need for so much money, finding a different job, seeing if there is some way to make this job work. Good luck. It may be you or might be them! |
Anonymous
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Someone took me aside when this happened and zoned in on what I wasn't doing well and provided a couple internal coaches (folks who did those things well) for a week or two. He also reminded me that image is everything - during the coaching week, try to appear strong & happy in front of everyone. Might even help you start "getting" it. GL.
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Anonymous
This is silly. I'm a senior associate at a biglaw firm and I have no idea where those I supervise went to law school. Unless I knew them as summer associates and happened to hear their school, where they went to law school makes absolutely NO difference to me or to anyone else I know around here. What matters is work quality and willingness to work hard to improve and fix mistakes. OP, my work is regularly marked all over by the partners with whom I work - it's just their style. So it could be that you're not doing as badly as you think you are. If you're showing initiative and trying to improve, I can guarantee you it's being noticed and appreciated. But OP I've been in the dark place you are now , and I can tell you it felt terrible. I hope things improve for you.
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Anonymous
| OP, it's hard to tell here if you really don't have the skillset or if you just aren't fitting with what they want, but try to project some confidence. I'm a writer, and you do run into people who red-pen everything up and tell you it's not right at all. I've been working long enough to know the product can be fine, it's more a matter of expectations, what they envisioned, their style, etc. Some people love to say no. If you really feel out of your league, it may be unsalvageable, but if it's a writing thing, I would push back a little: ask questions beforehand about what they are looking for, tell them how you'd frame it before you write it and see if they object, fight for some of your decisions. You will seem stronger. Have confidence in your abilities! |
Anonymous
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Why do you "need" the money?
Is it worth your health, your relationships, your happiness, and your family's happiness? |
Anonymous
| This used to happen a lot when new people joined our firm, even when they were very experienced. I've only worked at two firms, but each one definitely had its own style, and of course each partner has his or her own way of working too. Can you get some examples of similar work to see how your work differs? I did this when I joined my current firm and it helped tremendously. |
Anonymous
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Op here. It's a writing thing. My legal research and client work is being praised, but I just got pulled in for a review where they said my writing needed much more supervision than they were envisioning and that the quality of the work is poor. Where I came from, I was considered one of the better writers. But it's true that it was a nonprofit.
The partner I work directly under is known for being one of the best writers in our practice area. The partner argues high appellate work, SCOTUS work, is ivy trained and a superstar. The expectations under them are astronomically high - but I want to meet them. I can't transfer groups because I was brought on for my specialization. Also, I wouldn't want to - I'm happy in this little area of the law. I don't actually think my mentor can give me guidance other than to tell me to work harder - he doesn't work here. He just knows the head partner at the firm and helped get me in here. He doesn't know my direct supervisors. As for the money, I left a job that paid $49K. We have a kid in daycare and my husband makes a nonprofit salary and we have two professional degrees of student loans to pay off. We actually really needed the money. It's not extravagance. I think I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I want to try and meet their expectations. If I really can't... I'll leave. But if I can, it will leave me a better lawyer. I just feel awful. I'm going to meet with someone else at my level in the practice group and see what I can do to make the uppers happy. See what is normal in terms of expectations and if there's anything I can read/research about writing style that would help. It's really hard to have confidence right now. Mostly it's hard not to weep constantly right now. Thanks for the feedback both ways. It's helpful to hear. |