Really Depressed about my low performance at new job
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Anonymous
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I took a new job because we needed better money. It's at a more prestigious firm and I got in due to my specialty and some really amazing recommendations. The problem is, that I think I'm in over my head. Everything I'm turning in is getting axed and the uppers are expressing serious reservations about my work product. I'm doubling down and doing my best, and they are really unhappy with me. I think I may need to admit that I'm just not smart enough or a good enough attorney for this job. The problem is that I'm here. If I fail, I let down my mentor who got me here and pretty much destroy my career. All this is leading me to completely panic and do even worse.
I'm working until 1:00 am every night, but I'm starting to realize that I just don't have what it takes. I'm horrified and so depressed. I've never felt this way before - everyone has always loved my work up until now. I guess I was just at a place with worse work, but I actually thought of myself as a good writer before this. Has anyone ever experienced this? What did you do?? |
Anonymous
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I quit.
And I'm much much happier now. It was a big deal because I always thought I was the best but, besides the reality check I survived 
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Anonymous
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Have you talked to your mentor that helped you get the job?
Maybe he has some advice or insight as to what could help you. The other thing is you are the new guy. In my field people tend to 'bust your balls' so you know who's boss. Could this be an initiation thing or a bad work culture that has nothing to do with your work? |
Anonymous
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Could you go back to your old job?
Several of my coworkers quit and came back. One came back after 3 days! |
Anonymous
Do NOT say this! We and you know it is not true. Maybe you are working too hard and becoming burnt out and inefficient. Be good to yourself. It's okay because in the end, things balance out and everything will fall into place (with this firm or somewhere else). In other words, if for some reason it does not work out at your new job, you will be presented with the opportunity to go where you are meant to be. You will be okay. I wish you peace. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I don't think this is an initiation thing. What I'm hoping right now is that this is like first year of law school all over again - I learn to ring the bell the way they want me to and everyone is happy - or else I get fired. It's just the constant failure is really freaking me out and making it hard to function. They aren't mean about it, but they are visibly disappointed and vocally concerned with the quality of my work. Especially when I'm trying so hard.
I'm definitely NOT happy. I'm really stressed, drinking more, and not enjoying my life because I am constantly freaking out about my job. I'm not sure what my mentor could say to be honest. Plus, I'm ashamed. |
Anonymous
| OP again - can't go back to my old job because I'm making a LOT more money here. And we absolutely need that money (which is why I left). Plus they filled my position. |
Anonymous
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What about start spending less and look for something less stressful?
Drinking is dangerous. Not worth the money. |
Anonymous
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My sympathies, OP. I have felt that way before, and so has DH - in the end we both left those jobs, and realized only afterwards that it was not a question of being "good enough", but a question of fit. Failure makes us move on to things that are a better fit, and a good fit is what makes us happy in life.
First, I think you must rid yourself of the thought that your career is over, or that you shamed your mentor. Churchill said that "success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm." Steve Jobs (I just read his biography - it was fascinating) failed dismally several times, and look where Apple is now. Own yourself. Have no shame. Recognize what you are good at and find people who value those qualities. |
Anonymous
| You have to speak to your mentor and you have to find out, specifically, what the problem is. Just because your work is being heavily edited does not mean you are not up to par. There's a steep learning curve in many new law jobs. But you have to speak to someone and get explicit feedback so you can address the problems. |
Anonymous
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"Drinking is dangerous. Not worth the money. "
Ever. |
Anonymous
| OP, can you give an idea of what kinds of things are happening, what kinds of failures? What are the criticisms you are getting? About the substance of your legal research? Your writing skills? Client relations? How quickly you turn things in? What are the problems? You got amazing recommendations for a reason, so we know it's not your intelligence or work ethic. Give us some additional ideas of what's happening. |
Anonymous
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Is there someone above you, laterally above you, or on your level with more years at the firm that you feel is approachable? There is nothing wrong with asking 'how did you get here' and 'what does it take to perform well?' You are still the new guy, its ok to be figuring this out.
I may sound ignorant, but if you are a lawyer, aren't you reaping in huge amounts of money? Is there something about your lifestyle that needs to change so you can have a less terrible job? |
Anonymous
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I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I run a small business with about 20 employees. You are probably not cut out for the job. It might be brains, but it is probably years of doing work where much less was expected of you. Now doing what is normal for the salary level you are earning seems too difficult to you.
You should directly talk to your boss. Ask him if he thinks it is just above you or you can get there with work. If the former you should give notice. |
Anonymous
| Why do you need the money so badly, did you bet it all on black and loose (figuratively) . Money cant buy happpiness or make a death ridden horse perform. |