Really Depressed about my low performance at new job

[Anonymous]

Also, realize that it may not be that your writing style is objectively bad. It may just be different than what the partners that you work for like/are looking for. You just need to figure out what that is, and then it shouldn't be too hard to replicate going forward.

[Anonymous]

I've worked for lots of different law firms. Two were "biglaw", Amlaw100 type shops, and two were regional firms. Some bosses are just dicks, and in my opinion, writing ability is very subjective. What one persons considers great writing another person will consider poor. Often they are just used to a certain style and love correcting others work product.

[Anonymous]

How much does this pay?

Certainly more than $100k. I can't be specific beyond that. We pay for parking, almost all health care costs, dental, life, disability, flexible hours, 6% 401k match. I love working at this company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think this is an initiation thing. What I'm hoping right now is that this is like first year of law school all over again - I learn to ring the bell the way they want me to and everyone is happy - or else I get fired. It's just the constant failure is really freaking me out and making it hard to function. They aren't mean about it, but they are visibly disappointed and vocally concerned with the quality of my work. Especially when I'm trying so hard.

I'm definitely NOT happy. I'm really stressed, drinking more, and not enjoying my life because I am constantly freaking out about my job.

I'm not sure what my mentor could say to be honest. Plus, I'm ashamed.

OP, 4 months ago I took a job I thought I would *love* and announced it from the rooftops. It's somewhat in my field and I'm actually doing well. BUT, I HATE IT. I hate the people, I hate the schedule and I hate the logistics. Like you, I am unhappy, stressed and ashamed. But I'm also quitting. After 4 months. Yes I had some embarrassment but life's too short to live every day feeling sick to your stomach. It's also too short to waste on shame. so it didn't work out. You are not your job. Find something better. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Just an update. Worked my bottom off on a recent brief. It was basically what started this post because when it came back to me, they were really unhappy. So I sent it back in, and I just talked to the partner who said "I just quickly skimmed the brief to ensure that it was not a disaster and it is much better. You are doing well at implementing feedback..."

So I am hoping this at least keeps me from getting fired. I am hoping that finding and mimicking their briefs more in the future will help, but mostly I admit that part of it is my thought process and how I put things to paper. I've been practicing for 5 years so it will time to adjust, but hopefully I "get" it before I get fired.... and if I still decide this is not for me, hopefully I can at least leave with my references having an opinion that I am dedicated and hard working and listen well to criticism, if not a good fit or the best brief writer.

Thanks again for all the feedback and encouragement. I ordered that style guide someone mentioned and am looking forward to reading it. This has been actually one of the best DCUM posts for me.

[Anonymous]

Also (OP here again) I would like to say in my defense that, after thinking over how Partner conveyed that information to me, I have decided that part of the problem is that this person is not very good with people. Even if my briefs WERE a disaster, it was probably unnecessary to start out praise with an assumption that it would be (I am overstating that, I know). I am coming to the conclusion that this person feels as though the brutal truth is always merited where perhaps some kinder words would encourage less paralysis and more dedication. I say this because my stomach becomes filled with a bit of snakes whenever I am expecting to hear back from the partner. That's kind of a shame.

Anyway, I'm going to try very hard not to let that aspect of the partner's personality affect my ability to work. I am currently failing, but something to keep working toward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an update. Worked my bottom off on a recent brief. It was basically what started this post because when it came back to me, they were really unhappy. So I sent it back in, and I just talked to the partner who said "I just quickly skimmed the brief to ensure that it was not a disaster and it is much better. You are doing well at implementing feedback..."

So I am hoping this at least keeps me from getting fired. I am hoping that finding and mimicking their briefs more in the future will help, but mostly I admit that part of it is my thought process and how I put things to paper. I've been practicing for 5 years so it will time to adjust, but hopefully I "get" it before I get fired.... and if I still decide this is not for me, hopefully I can at least leave with my references having an opinion that I am dedicated and hard working and listen well to criticism, if not a good fit or the best brief writer.

Thanks again for all the feedback and encouragement. I ordered that style guide someone mentioned and am looking forward to reading it. This has been actually one of the best DCUM posts for me.

Glad to hear it is gettmg better. If that is how the partner gives feedback, he is a dick.

[Anonymous]

have you received constructive criticism on what you can do better? this could be a stylistic issue, different firms/companies might have different expectations. Is there a common concern? Have you considered letting someone proof-read things before you turn them in? have you de-stressed your life in other ways so you can focus? It may just be a need to get into the swing of things, or it may be a bad fit.

[Anonymous]

The other thing to consider is, is it possible that you are making the briefs worse but putting more into them than necessary? When I worked at DOJ, I put hours and hours into each brief, and I eventually got feedback that they were too dense and not concise enough. Just something to think about.