Really Depressed about my low performance at new job

[Anonymous]

OP, is it grammar, style, or substance? That is, are just not fleshing out the issue well enough or do you need a refresher in grammar? If it's the latter, I would really consider a writing coach. You would probably only have to meet with her one or two times to get brought back up to speed.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that:

1) you only have a short time to fix this, but it may be fixable. It may be that people are being unfair and not developing you though.
2) Image is everything. If you are getting feedback, you can't appear to be phased by it. Take it and correct it and accept it as much as you can.
3) Go to your mentor, not ashamed, but just say, look, what can I do to improve? I really want to learn and do my best, what can I do differently?
4) Try to get some perspective on this. In 100 years, no one will remember this.
5) Try not to be down on yourself, it will show, and it's not helping. Also, it's not entirely true. I'm sure you don't suck as bad as you think you do, but don't talk yourself into a death spiral or sorts
6) try to think of this as a funny story that you can tell someone someday.
7) I had a really demanding law partner that I supported when I was his EA my first job out of college (decided not to go to law school, lucky for me!) When he would yell at me or be completely unreasonable, I would imagine him as Jabba the Hut talking to me. It was my mental form of retaliation and it got me through. It was my little secret and it helped me remember that he could not control my mind.
8) Get out of your own head, and find other ways to release. Go for a quick walk or even better, a quick sprint. Get a treadmill and run the stress out. Much better than drinking.
9) Try to go to bed early, you are probably sleep deprived too.

[Anonymous]

OP, read lots of briefs filed by your supervisors, to see the kinds of finished work products they turn out. As far as the writing is concerned, is it your actual prose, or is it the way you put your arguments together and apply the law to the facts (the TRAC thing)? Are you building in enough time for revisions and putting your draft down for a little while, so that you can get back to it and revise it with fresh eyes before turning it in to your supervisors?

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of finding some internal coaches who can help you, who will be willing to take you under their wing.

You sound more positive in your latest post. Keep it up! Don't let you tell yourself that you're a failure. That is the only way to lose, really. Find solutions, make it work, and ask for help!

[Anonymous]

You really need to find the confidence. I went through something similar when I switched firms. Luckily, I'd had enough confidence from what I'd accomplished in the past, from praise I'd gotten in the past (from top-tier law school/top tier firm people), and from comparing my work product/writing with what I saw coming out of supposed "top-tier" firms. Over time, I also realized that several of the partners at my new firm were extremely neurotic and would edit or second guess even their own writing/work product (often without realizing they'd prepared it!).

The other thing is, I don't think you really need to get yourself to a "superstar" level to keep your position. You're not there because you graduated top of your class from Yale, you're there because you have subject matter expertise that their clients want. I think it's probably be okay to improve to good enough rather than perfect - I've certainly encountered a number of "top tier firm" lawyers who have not been superstars.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP! You might also reach out to law school friends or college friends in town too. Keep your chin up, you can do it!

[Anonymous]

If you have the subject matter expertise and some drive, you can take action now and hopefully save the job. Immediately reach out to someone for help. If you feel that there is someone internally who would be helpful, approach him or her. If not, look for a writing coach.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can do this. I switched from a big firm to a US Attorney's Office a few years ago. I was the first new hire in years, so everybody was much more experienced than me, and I hadn't learned any useful skills (except maybe writing) at my firm job. My colleagues tried to help me, but they were so far ahead of me that they couldn't really even anticipate all the things I didn't know (and neither could I). I really struggled for the first 6 months or so. I felt like an idiot. I cried in my office with the door closed. BUT I started to get the hang of it after awhile. I watched other AUSAs who I respected and read transcripts of their grand jury presentations and trials. I worked my ass off. And then things started to get easier, and I didn't have to work my ass off just to keep my head above water. Now, 5 years later, I love my job, and I think I'm good at it. I never would have guessed during those first few months that I would still be here AND be happy.

You have gotten good advice about how to improve your writing. I second the recommendations of reading the writing of your superiors and talking to a writing coach. This is definitely something that you can improve. It will get better.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the advice. I'm going to keep trying. Definitely pulling boss's old briefs. It's really good to hear that others got out of their holes.

Ok.. work land calls.

[Anonymous]

OP check out www.legalwritingpro.com. I took one of his seminars that they offered here at work. Maybe he can do some individual work with you to see what the issue is? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Semi-seasoned lawyer here, biglaw refugee currently at the government. OP, please ignore all of the PPs who are giving you specific advice (like that you have X number of days to change or you are out the door). In spite of the details you've given, I don't think anybody reading this thread has enough information about you or your situation to give you any specific advice. That said... here is some specific advice:

Keep in mind that your firm, whatever it is, has made an investment in you. Even if they somehow believe that hiring you was a mistake (and the fact that you've gotten those reviews doesn't necessarily mean that they feel that way), they are throwing money out the window if they get rid of you without first giving you every chance to succeed. Now, your firm may not be a well-managed one, but if it is, please realize that firing you is their absolute last option.

The good news for you: there are a number of reasons why associates don't work out (poor judgment, poor temperament, poor work effort, poor techinical skills) and of these, poor writing skills is the most easily correctable. How you respond to it will be a major test of your judgment and temperment. Your supervisors might be disappointed that your writing skills weren't better from the start, but the fact is that there are few new attorneys whose writing is perfect from day one. Take the criticism as positively as you can, don't let it destroy your morale, and work on showing a willingness to improve.

DO NOT make the mistake of trying to fix quality problems in your work with quantity. If your supervisors have issues with the way you write, you are not solving that problem by staying at the office late just for the sake of staying late. Work as long as you need, of course, but realize that at some point the fatigue (and the psychological stress of never being home) is going to have a negative effect of the quality of your product.


It

[Anonymous]

And another thing: have yourself screened for depression, and if necessary, get proper meds. I have no idea whether you are or are not depressed in the medical sense, despite the topic of your post, but if you do have untreated depression, that is going to make your efforts much worse (and the problems will follow you wherever you go next). And please, do not self-medicate with alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again - can't go back to my old job because I'm making a LOT more money here. And we absolutely need that money (which is why I left). Plus they filled my position.

You can be guaranteed that you won't be making this money if you are fired which is likely if you can't do the job. Start looking for another job that you can do and quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It's a writing thing. My legal research and client work is being praised, but I just got pulled in for a review where they said my writing needed much more supervision than they were envisioning and that the quality of the work is poor. Where I came from, I was considered one of the better writers. But it's true that it was a nonprofit.

The partner I work directly under is known for being one of the best writers in our practice area. The partner argues high appellate work, SCOTUS work, is ivy trained and a superstar. The expectations under them are astronomically high - but I want to meet them.

I can't transfer groups because I was brought on for my specialization. Also, I wouldn't want to - I'm happy in this little area of the law. I don't actually think my mentor can give me guidance other than to tell me to work harder - he doesn't work here. He just knows the head partner at the firm and helped get me in here. He doesn't know my direct supervisors.

As for the money, I left a job that paid $49K. We have a kid in daycare and my husband makes a nonprofit salary and we have two professional degrees of student loans to pay off. We actually really needed the money. It's not extravagance.

I think I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I want to try and meet their expectations. If I really can't... I'll leave. But if I can, it will leave me a better lawyer. I just feel awful. I'm going to meet with someone else at my level in the practice group and see what I can do to make the uppers happy. See what is normal in terms of expectations and if there's anything I can read/research about writing style that would help.

It's really hard to have confidence right now. Mostly it's hard not to weep constantly right now. Thanks for the feedback both ways. It's helpful to hear.

Wow, OP. I wasn't sure based on your first post, but after reading this one, I'm certain you can solve this.

You're clearly smart, and you can write. You likely just need to take your writing up a notch or two. Start by focusing on exactly what's missing -- what's the gap between what you're producing now and what you should be producing? Where's the problem? Is it substantive analysis? Is it presentation? (The way you organize or structure your memos/briefs/emails?) Is it tone (too factual/not persuasive enough? too formal or informal?) Is it grammar/sentence structure? Is it proof-reading?

If you don't know the answer to this, request meetings with your more senior colleagues, one at a time. Tell them that you are committed to improving your writing - and in fact to becoming an excellent writer -- and that you're willing to do whatever it takes to get there. What you need from them is feedback -- what exactly is wrong with your writing? And how can you demonstrate to them that you "get it" and have improved? (On that note, suggest a follow-up feedback session three months from now.)

In the meantime, stop worrying so much about it all. I know, easier said than done, right? Just identify the problem and break down the solution, one step at a time. From what I can tell, your mindset is the biggest thing standing in your way at this point. Any smart, hardworking person can learn to write better. But not if she's so freaked out that she's paralyzed. (BTW, do yourself a favor and stop the drinking. You don't need us to tell you it doesn't help the situation either.)

Finally, in terms of substantive help, you might want to check out Bryan Garner's website. He's a very good legal writing coach -- I took one of his CLEs many years ago and was impressed. He has lots of easy-to-digest reources on-line for free. For example: http://lawyerist.com/10-legal-writing-tips-from-bryan-garner/

You really can do this! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I identified earlier as the writer, and I just wanted to mention that your posts sound just fine: coherent, grammatical, logical, smooth. This sounds like a style issue and it is not worth losing all confidence over it. Getting examples to work from is great advice. Getting feedback early in the process also helps. Give your superioers a chance to be negative early on, before you've invested a lot of time. They will like the final product better if they think they had a say in shaping it.