How to cope with a huge drop in living standard for you and the kids post-divorce?

[Anonymous]

23:26 Not grumpy, just thinking OP knows how to analyze online information about food stamps and other benefits. Also, any child support or maintenance payments constitute income, not sure what "official payments" are. A payment's a payment.

[Anonymous]

You have the internet at your finger tips, at least--so you can feel out job markets in other areas. Honestly DC is a ridiculous place to be trying to do what you are doing. Move south to NC or Southern VA where the cost of living is lower and there are tons of jobs on military bases for civilians. And the public schools are great in NC, at least. The military is awash in civilian jobs--not always in the most glamorous places in America. But if you are willing to move--it can be done, at almost any age, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have the internet at your finger tips, at least--so you can feel out job markets in other areas. Honestly DC is a ridiculous place to be trying to do what you are doing. Move south to NC or Southern VA where the cost of living is lower and there are tons of jobs on military bases for civilians. And the public schools are great in NC, at least. The military is awash in civilian jobs--not always in the most glamorous places in America. But if you are willing to move--it can be done, at almost any age, too.

Huh? We've been wanting to move back to NC for years, and the schools are the main reason we have NOT done it. Not that great, at least not compared to schools up here (OK, maybe not in DC, but at least NoVA).

[Anonymous]

With custody laws being what they are, moving with the children is not an option for OP unless the children's father agrees to it. I wanted to move, my ex opposed my relocating.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say good luck - things will get better.

Also, as per babysitting, people pay babysitters $15-20 an hour in my neighborhood - Georgetown. Maybe you could get a part-time babysitting gig somewhere like here, even if you have to drive. It might be worth it. Also, some families don't mind if you bring your own child with you.

Good luck - hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jbs that can put cash in your pocket:
- babysitting. I've done this as a SAHM. Earned $10/hour.
- try calling the phone numbers on those signs that say "We Buy Houses". Those guys usually hire people to generate form letters and stuff envelopes. I've done it for $10/hour.
- walk dogs. Never done it so I don't know what it pays.
- look on "gigs" on Craigslist for odd jobs that you could do with your child.
- search craigslist for virtual assistant jobs and work from home jobs. Here's one http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/csr/2651059306.html

Beware of Craigslist scams, including working from home transferring money (actually money laundering) and having to provide a lot of personal information or your Social Security information before you start (identity theft). That said, keep looking--hopefully something will turn up that will work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With custody laws being what they are, moving with the children is not an option for OP unless the children's father agrees to it. I wanted to move, my ex opposed my relocating.

you cannot relocate out of state, but can freely move within the state

[Anonymous]

With joint custody, any move is negotiated. A move by one parent three or four hours away over the objections of the other parent could be shot down by a judge. My divorce agreement allows for a move up to 15 miles away, any other move is with my ex's permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice. Just sorry you are going through this. Hang in there.

Thanks.

I guess I mean more how did you cope emotionally and manage anxiety and the kids' expectations? We were barely middle class by DC standards before and now things like organic milk are out of the question for the time being at least.

I didn't think STBX was super materialistic either, at least before. He says that being with gfriend allows him to provide better, he is getting subsidized so needs less of his income for himself at the moment. Of course, we'd like our family back together, it's all a mess. Do people ever wake up out of midlife crises and think they have made a mistake?

Here's my shit-is-hitting-the-fan-and-I-can't-deal mantra:

Take a deep breath and tell yourself the following.

TODAY, RIGHT NOW, there is a roof over my head.
TODAY, RIGHT NOW, there is food in the fridge.
TODAY, RIGHT NOW, everyone is healthy and dressed appropriately for the weather.

Also, see if you can get your hands on a copy of The Hipmama Survival Guide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice. Just sorry you are going through this. Hang in there.

Thanks.

I guess I mean more how did you cope emotionally and manage anxiety and the kids' expectations? We were barely middle class by DC standards before and now things like organic milk are out of the question for the time being at least.

I didn't think STBX was super materialistic either, at least before. He says that being with gfriend allows him to provide better, he is getting subsidized so needs less of his income for himself at the moment. Of course, we'd like our family back together, it's all a mess. Do people ever wake up out of midlife crises and think they have made a mistake?

Here's my shit-is-hitting-the-fan-and-I-can't-deal mantra:

Take a deep breath and tell yourself the following.

TODAY, RIGHT NOW, there is a roof over my head.
TODAY, RIGHT NOW, there is food in the fridge.
TODAY, RIGHT NOW, everyone is healthy and dressed appropriately for the weather.

Also, see if you can get your hands on a copy of The Hipmama Survival Guide.

Thanks, this helps. STBX will not allow us to move and family is in even more expensive areas. Nannying would be tough as the older kids have to go to school. Need to keep looking and hoping for something to break our way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have the internet at your finger tips, at least--so you can feel out job markets in other areas. Honestly DC is a ridiculous place to be trying to do what you are doing. Move south to NC or Southern VA where the cost of living is lower and there are tons of jobs on military bases for civilians. And the public schools are great in NC, at least. The military is awash in civilian jobs--not always in the most glamorous places in America. But if you are willing to move--it can be done, at almost any age, too.

Huh? We've been wanting to move back to NC for years, and the schools are the main reason we have NOT done it. Not that great, at least not compared to schools up here (OK, maybe not in DC, but at least NoVA).

The public schools in Raleigh, NC are among the best in the country.

[Anonymous]

Could you consider renting a bigger place and then getting a roomate, maybe a single mom with an infant? Maybe you two could cover each other for childcare by working opposite hours?

Coabode.com might be a good place to start, or advertise you are child-friendly mom seeking a female roommate.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks, this helps. STBX will not allow us to move and family is in even more expensive areas. Nannying would be tough as the older kids have to go to school. Need to keep looking and hoping for something to break our way.

stbx cannot force you to stay in an area you cannot afford. No judge will force you to live in a drug infested area just becuase that is all you can afford. DC area is not meant for all kinds of families. Go where you will be safe and where your kids will thrive.
So what if it is 15 mile distance away.
A reasonable judge will see your logic and rule in your favor

[Anonymous]

21:28 I'm not OP but I am divorced. Do you know how much it would cost OP in legal fees to try and get the court's permission to move? And after all that she might not get it! With joint custody you are pretty much stuck in the same area unless you can get the other parent's or the court's permission to relocate. That's the way it works. I wanted to move. My lawyer told me not to. Rents have gone through the roof in the past couple of years, so the timing is bad for OP in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Can you not represent yourself?