Disruptive kids. Who is at fault the teacher or the kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us about these many situations where you’ve seen teachers and yet you’re not a teacher. Doubt it.

It’s the PARENTS fault. Parenting has shifted massively. They are afraid of making their kids sad so they give them what they want. They allow kids to negotiate everything—bedtime, meals, screen time. I’ve seen kids in stores whine because they want a toy and the parent gets it for them so they don’t have to hear the whining. Nowadays strollers have babies holding phones instead of looking at the world. Parents put on videos instead of reading to their kids. It’s absolutely insane. I was in another country over spring break and didn’t see a single child—baby, toddler, elementary school aged kid, even tween—with a device in their hands. Not one. And over here? It’s common place. No more delayed gratification. No more “you better listen to your teacher,” now it’s “why did the teacher yell at you? I’ll go talk to them.”

It’s really really bad now.

I do see teachers that are very good at managing the classroom. And teachers that cannot and react by blaming a few kids for disruption in the classroom. Talked to many teachers and parents at our school and that’s a reality. Moreover the threshold for expelling a kid from our private school is very low. Maybe the experience in other schools is different but that what I have seen.

Do you hold the disruptive kids accountable for their own behavior, or do you assume that’s the teacher’s responsibility?

Considering we expect teachers to exhibit superhuman patience and the divine ability to control crowds of hormonal teenagers simultaneously, you’d think we’d respect them a little more than we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When has a student’s behavior ever been the teacher’s fault?

Not the behavior, but the lack of skills to manage the situation. In my experience behavior problems could be easily managed by good teachers.

Wow, you have VERY limited experience which the range of behaviors across the population of children.

Maybe, but I have seen VERY and MANY incompetent teachers that cannot manage their classrooms.

Sounds like you made a lot of poor choices in picking schools, then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell us about these many situations where you’ve seen teachers and yet you’re not a teacher. Doubt it.

It’s the PARENTS fault. Parenting has shifted massively. They are afraid of making their kids sad so they give them what they want. They allow kids to negotiate everything—bedtime, meals, screen time. I’ve seen kids in stores whine because they want a toy and the parent gets it for them so they don’t have to hear the whining. Nowadays strollers have babies holding phones instead of looking at the world. Parents put on videos instead of reading to their kids. It’s absolutely insane. I was in another country over spring break and didn’t see a single child—baby, toddler, elementary school aged kid, even tween—with a device in their hands. Not one. And over here? It’s common place. No more delayed gratification. No more “you better listen to your teacher,” now it’s “why did the teacher yell at you? I’ll go talk to them.”

It’s really really bad now.

I also think the expectation has changed for parents. Having a kid in public having moments where they are being corrected is how they learn how to be people in the world. However, the expectation in this country is that they don't break down and you don't discipline which is completely unrealistic. Of course parents turn to screens to solve the problem!

I felt such an intense sense of calm and relief when I was in Europe because of how the way the everyday passerby responds to true parenting vs. here. Temper tantrums aren't the sign of a spoiled child, they are a sign of a kid hitting a limit for the first time. You let the temper tantrum be the end result of the engagement, they learn that's the limit, you soothe in the moment to prevent the glares and being told off by random people, the lesson is lost and eventually the kid is going to hit that limit again.

I am honestly feel so lucky we got to go to Europe a few times when my kid was young (thanks to a few friends getting married all right in a row). It gave us huge leaps in positive behavior and gave us a bit of perspective on how much we should be paying attention to standard American views on parents/parenting. Most parents, don't get that luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in school, disruptive kids were not much of an issue because the school and the teachers were extremely good at managing them. If there was a disruption, the teacher could remove the child quickly from the classroom and the lesson would continue.

My experience with private schools nowadays, through my child, has been very different. I see several disruptive kids who are not being effectively managed by the teacher, and those kids are eventually expelled.

So my question is: which approach is better overall? To me, there seems to be a trend toward shifting responsibility for classroom management from the teacher to the students. What do you think?

It’s always the parents responsibility … how is this even a question? Sick of the well behaved kids essentially being neglected to accommodate children who can’t behave.

[Anonymous]

I'm a former teacher. The difference is that teachers are not supported by parents or admin when it comes to discipline.

[Anonymous]

Private schools expect that children be taught behavior at home, and that children be disciplined at home. Totally different environment from publics which need to accept and deal with everyone.

A disruptive child is usually counseled out. Teachers are in private schools so they can teach and not have to deal with constant behavior problems. Parents are paying to get their kids away from problemed peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private schools expect that children be taught behavior at home, and that children be disciplined at home. Totally different environment from publics which need to accept and deal with everyone.

A disruptive child is usually counseled out. Teachers are in private schools so they can teach and not have to deal with constant behavior problems. Parents are paying to get their kids away from problemed peers.

Sometimes the disruptive kids are the youngest from “good” families who donate heavily in which case they just stick the teachers with the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When has a student’s behavior ever been the teacher’s fault?

Not the behavior, but the lack of skills to manage the situation. In my experience behavior problems could be easily managed by good teachers.

Wow, you have VERY limited experience which the range of behaviors across the population of children.

Maybe, but I have seen VERY and MANY incompetent teachers that cannot manage their classrooms.

Sounds like you made a lot of poor choices in picking schools, then.

Not really. Just one. Going to a school with condescending people like you.

[Anonymous]

Teachers’ hands are more tied now, and parents are less likely to have their teachers’ backs.

[Anonymous]

Why do I feel like OP is a parent if one of those disruptive kids who is mad that the teacher isn't magically fixing their parenting failures?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in school, disruptive kids were not much of an issue because the school and the teachers were extremely good at managing them. If there was a disruption, the teacher could remove the child quickly from the classroom and the lesson would continue.

My experience with private schools nowadays, through my child, has been very different. I see several disruptive kids who are not being effectively managed by the teacher, and those kids are eventually expelled.

So my question is: which approach is better overall? To me, there seems to be a trend toward shifting responsibility for classroom management from the teacher to the students. What do you think?

It’s always the parents responsibility … how is this even a question? Sick of the well behaved kids essentially being neglected to accommodate children who can’t behave.

Teacher here. I’m very aware of making sure the well-behaved kids are praised publicly and get to choose things first, etc. I know they still get the shaft because there is SO much misdirection which means less time for actual learning, but hopefully my students do know that they are seen and appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do I feel like OP is a parent if one of those disruptive kids who is mad that the teacher isn't magically fixing their parenting failures?

Ding ding ding!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do I feel like OP is a parent if one of those disruptive kids who is mad that the teacher isn't magically fixing their parenting failures?

Omg it is so obvious how did I miss it???!!

I can't believe I was just like "the school should kick them out". I kindly assumed OP was noticing problems in the classroom not dealing with their kid being kicked out cause they are the problem 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in school, disruptive kids were not much of an issue because the school and the teachers were extremely good at managing them. If there was a disruption, the teacher could remove the child quickly from the classroom and the lesson would continue.

My experience with private schools nowadays, through my child, has been very different. I see several disruptive kids who are not being effectively managed by the teacher, and those kids are eventually expelled.

So my question is: which approach is better overall? To me, there seems to be a trend toward shifting responsibility for classroom management from the teacher to the students. What do you think?

Neither.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private schools expect that children be taught behavior at home, and that children be disciplined at home. Totally different environment from publics which need to accept and deal with everyone.

A disruptive child is usually counseled out. Teachers are in private schools so they can teach and not have to deal with constant behavior problems. Parents are paying to get their kids away from problemed peers.

Sometimes the disruptive kids are the youngest from “good” families who donate heavily in which case they just stick the teachers with the problem.

True. I was a private school lifer and eventually these kids cause so many problems that they either have to behave in class or get kicked out.