MIL obsessed with our kids size

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son is 1. Just because he’s small doesn’t mean he won’t go through puberty and be average male height. I would have a serious confrontation with my MIL NOW and tell her so can never saw anything re either kids’ size in front of you or them.

I would be firm on this.

This. Those comments will f*ck your kids' mind and self-esteem forever, for real. Hard stop. This is something they can't control. The girl is going to take this to mean she's fat. It's so sad when a girl reaches the age where she starts to think she's fat, don't let MIL push this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be disappointed too but who says anything like that?!

NP- you should examine why you would be disappointed. People come in all shapes and sizes.

There’s nothing to examine. Small boys and big girls have it harder than than the other way around

Because of people like you.

I’ve actually dated small men so no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How big are your male relatives, OP? The only thing you can say to MIL is that your son looks like your side of the family. MIL is not "obsessed", obviously a petite female and a large male have it easier. That's how you and your DH got together. Imagine a 5'1" male and a 6'5" female? Your MIL understands genetics. One of the biggest fears as a mom for me is if my tall sons (just like your DH) end up with 5' women.

This is actually an insane thing to admit even in an anonymous forum. THAT is your biggest fear? My biggest fear is that my children will have cancer, or some other deadly disease; or otherwise not make it to a happy, fulfilled adulthood. You people need to really think about your priorities in life and your values.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what your background is, OP, but we also navigated this with my husband's mother. They are from a culture where they seem to obsess over children's weight and size, comparing the grandchildren and asking who is bigger and who is smaller.

I have a good friend who married into a similar culture, and she finally lost it at one point and shouted, "Would you cut it out, MIL. We are raising children, not livestock, and nobody needs to be fattened up so we can auction them off at the county fair!" Not recommending that you engage in a similar action, but from what I hear, it was effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How big are your male relatives, OP? The only thing you can say to MIL is that your son looks like your side of the family. MIL is not "obsessed", obviously a petite female and a large male have it easier. That's how you and your DH got together. Imagine a 5'1" male and a 6'5" female? Your MIL understands genetics. One of the biggest fears as a mom for me is if my tall sons (just like your DH) end up with 5' women.

One of your biggest fears, as a mom, is that one of your sons marries a woman who is petite? Really. Biggest fears? BIGGEST?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How big are your male relatives, OP? The only thing you can say to MIL is that your son looks like your side of the family. MIL is not "obsessed", obviously a petite female and a large male have it easier. That's how you and your DH got together. Imagine a 5'1" male and a 6'5" female? Your MIL understands genetics. One of the biggest fears as a mom for me is if my tall sons (just like your DH) end up with 5' women.

😂😂😂😂😂😂 You know you’re two days late for April Fool’s day, right?

This is a husband problem. Your husband needs to very firmly tell his mother to stop making any derogatory remarks or she won’t be welcome. DD is already at an age where she can understand some of this body shaming. This is an appropriate time for an absolute edict with no negotiation.

[Anonymous]

OP, next time she makes a comment, just flat out ask what she thinks anyone can do about it.
You ask her to look into Korean surgeries to alter physiognomy and report back to you.

Seriously, if that grandchild is such a disappointment, she has the option to not be involved in that child's life and let her know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How big are your male relatives, OP? The only thing you can say to MIL is that your son looks like your side of the family. MIL is not "obsessed", obviously a petite female and a large male have it easier. That's how you and your DH got together. Imagine a 5'1" male and a 6'5" female? Your MIL understands genetics. One of the biggest fears as a mom for me is if my tall sons (just like your DH) end up with 5' women.

But you, or your sons, can still produce a "big girl" who is unmarriageable, or whatever people like you worry about. But hey maybe that large girl will bag a linebacker and make some really strapping grandsons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Presumably she comes from a larger family and wanted her grandkids to look like her family. It’s not logical but is human nature and understandable.

Also she is probably (rightly) concerned that life can be harder for small males. Again it’s human nature to want your biological descendants to have every advantage in life.

Op said her FIL is the tall one. Mil is average. Id point that out to her every chance I got.

“Must’ve gotten that from your mid genes because FIL is so tall”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use your words. Ask her to refrain from making comments like that and shut down those conversations.

This.

[Anonymous]

“Muriel, you mention the children’s sizes frequently. Please stop it.”

[Anonymous]

"I don't want my children to be self-conscious about the way they look. Larla is old enough to understand these things now. I'm very serious about this, so hear what I say: If you can't stop talking about this, I'm going to have to minimize the amount of time that they spend with you. Is that what you want?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a petite woman. 5’1”. 100 pounds. DH is large. Athletic, brawny build. 6’5” and over 250. His mom is average size and his dad and brother are also huge men.

We have two kids. DD i...

This bothers my MIL to know end. She doesn’t understand genetics is gamble and seems like it’s my personal wrongdoing that we have a petite son and above average daughter.

“Boys are suppose to be the big ones.”

She will not shut up about it. She seems so disappointed my daughter is big but specifically that my son is “puny”.

I cat take it anymore.

You can't take it? I'm a GP, MIL, aunt, and all that. Fact is one of my co MIL inexplicably started loudly and cruelly criticizing her own young adult daughter at a family dinner. It was hideous and to our surprise not uncommon . What happened? I and another deftly verbally interceded on the young woman's behalf. Next time she was starting was told to stop ASAP quietly and firmly. You and your DH have voices- use them.

Bullying persists? Constant intercession.

[Anonymous]

OP, tell her that both your kids are transgender. That will solve her problem.

[Anonymous]

Next time she brings it up I’d be snarky and ask if she’d like me to trade them in for a newer model.