My ADHD husband lets me down in every single possible logistical situation. Anyone else in a similar boat?

[Anonymous]

My xH was like this. Nothing helped; not meds, therapy, coaching, any of it.

We divorced and I am so much happier. The financial hit was worth it to me, but it wasn't much of a hit for me, fortunately. Thank you prenup.

He struggled at first - lost his job, lost his car, but eventually figured it out. These men just need to be out on their own without a mommy-wife to take care of them.

As for dealing when I was with him; honestly, I directed a lot of my energy and attention to other men. Stopped wearing my ring and flirted with every man who was interested. Never had an actual affair, but probably would have had we not divorced. It gave me some brightness and joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has ADHD AND doesn’t work? Did you pick him up off of the subway floor? How did you have kids with the neighborhood wino? I don’t think many people are in similar situations.

I encourage you to pray about it and seek God’s help because He’s the only person who can help you out of such dire straits. The AA prayer is a good place to start if you don’t know how to pray:

“GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

OP probably wanted a wealthy guy, and took advice to meet a guy who likes to ski and play tennis, or something equally as dumb.

[Anonymous]

Same boat but mine is so loving, a great dad, and makes $7M/yr so I deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same boat but mine is so loving, a great dad, and makes $7M/yr so I deal.

So… not at all remotely the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and am in charge of all of this stuff. Honestly, it doesn’t all get done and life goes on. Kids show up in uniforms on school picture day. I get an email from the school nurse and have to run kids to the drug store after school to get vaccines. Just this past weekend, I had a kid miss a rehearsal for the school play. I feel like I can keep on top of 90% of it (vet for the dog, meds, doctors, dentist, orthodontist, activity fees, mandatory volunteer hours, lacrosse sticks, mouthguards, what day the gym uniform needs to be clean, taxes, oil changes, ingredients for breakfast lunch and dinner, etc.), but the 10% I miss always feels like a failure.

It sucks, and I hate myself for it. I’m glad my spouse doesn’t hate me too.

You have ADHD but still manage to do 90% of everything? That’s incredible. Most people are like OP’s husband. They do 0% of everything. Often less than zero because they also can’t take care of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a lawyer and financial divorce planner. You'll need to convince a judge to impute earning capacity to him so you don't have to support him long term. You will lose your assets but it's worth it to be rid of a man-baby.

Can OP put him on a financial plan where he gets, say, $3,500 per month to spend as he wishes, but no more, unless he has a good reason. Something like this may be the best option.

No. The best way is to get rid of this dud in the least painful way possible. Hire a good lawyer who can figure this out. Don’t keep deadweight like this around you for amy longer.

[Anonymous]

I am a woman wktj adhd and I cannot tell you how offensive and tiresome I find all these posts about “adhd husbands.” I know some great guys with adhd. Just like I know great guys with heat disease or whatever. People who manage their health conditions appropriately. It’s offensive to say “adhd husband” and it’s offensive to act like this is the reason he’s a jerk. He’s a jerk because he’s a jerk. If he was not a jerk, he would find appropriate accommodations or treatments for his medical condition. So your post should really be “my jerk husband….”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This man cannot handle any responsibility at all, and it is getting worse. Submit tax forms - they will not get submitted. School health forms, will not get submitted. Medical reimbursement forms will not get filed. prescriptions will not get picked up. He does not work and I work a million hours a day so this is not tenable. Am looking into divorce but not sure how the money situation will go (in NYC) as I cannot afford to pay for 2 homes in insanely expensive city. I have started to really hate this person. Anyone else in a similar boat?

Relocate and move with the kids, tell him to stay and tie up loose ends, then 7 months later divorce him.
He won’t want the kids and all that work anyhow. And he’ll be ordered to get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and am in charge of all of this stuff. Honestly, it doesn’t all get done and life goes on. Kids show up in uniforms on school picture day. I get an email from the school nurse and have to run kids to the drug store after school to get vaccines. Just this past weekend, I had a kid miss a rehearsal for the school play. I feel like I can keep on top of 90% of it (vet for the dog, meds, doctors, dentist, orthodontist, activity fees, mandatory volunteer hours, lacrosse sticks, mouthguards, what day the gym uniform needs to be clean, taxes, oil changes, ingredients for breakfast lunch and dinner, etc.), but the 10% I miss always feels like a failure.

It sucks, and I hate myself for it. I’m glad my spouse doesn’t hate me too.

Huh?

What does your spouse do if you have to do 100% (but 90%) of everything for the household and kids?! Are you married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and am in charge of all of this stuff. Honestly, it doesn’t all get done and life goes on. Kids show up in uniforms on school picture day. I get an email from the school nurse and have to run kids to the drug store after school to get vaccines. Just this past weekend, I had a kid miss a rehearsal for the school play. I feel like I can keep on top of 90% of it (vet for the dog, meds, doctors, dentist, orthodontist, activity fees, mandatory volunteer hours, lacrosse sticks, mouthguards, what day the gym uniform needs to be clean, taxes, oil changes, ingredients for breakfast lunch and dinner, etc.), but the 10% I miss always feels like a failure.

It sucks, and I hate myself for it. I’m glad my spouse doesn’t hate me too.

You have ADHD but still manage to do 90% of everything? That’s incredible. Most people are like OP’s husband. They do 0% of everything. Often less than zero because they also can’t take care of themselves.

Truth!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman wktj adhd and I cannot tell you how offensive and tiresome I find all these posts about “adhd husbands.” I know some great guys with adhd. Just like I know great guys with heat disease or whatever. People who manage their health conditions appropriately. It’s offensive to say “adhd husband” and it’s offensive to act like this is the reason he’s a jerk. He’s a jerk because he’s a jerk. If he was not a jerk, he would find appropriate accommodations or treatments for his medical condition. So your post should really be “my jerk husband….”

Correct, adhd jerks are the ones who refuse to manage their symptoms, and continue to wreak chaos in their family.

That said, you and the OP are the same Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman wktj adhd and I cannot tell you how offensive and tiresome I find all these posts about “adhd husbands.” I know some great guys with adhd. Just like I know great guys with heat disease or whatever. People who manage their health conditions appropriately. It’s offensive to say “adhd husband” and it’s offensive to act like this is the reason he’s a jerk. He’s a jerk because he’s a jerk. If he was not a jerk, he would find appropriate accommodations or treatments for his medical condition. So your post should really be “my jerk husband….”

It's easier for women on this forum to claim their exdh has ADHD so they can lay all the blame on him. Based on their posts you would think every man in the 1950s was racked with ADHD since they did 0% everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman wktj adhd and I cannot tell you how offensive and tiresome I find all these posts about “adhd husbands.” I know some great guys with adhd. Just like I know great guys with heat disease or whatever. People who manage their health conditions appropriately. It’s offensive to say “adhd husband” and it’s offensive to act like this is the reason he’s a jerk. He’s a jerk because he’s a jerk. If he was not a jerk, he would find appropriate accommodations or treatments for his medical condition. So your post should really be “my jerk husband….”

It's easier for women on this forum to claim their exdh has ADHD so they can lay all the blame on him. Based on their posts you would think every man in the 1950s was racked with ADHD since they did 0% everyday.

+1

Men have been doing 0% long before ADHD was a recognized thing. If you were born in the last 40 years, you know men do 0%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman wktj adhd and I cannot tell you how offensive and tiresome I find all these posts about “adhd husbands.” I know some great guys with adhd. Just like I know great guys with heat disease or whatever. People who manage their health conditions appropriately. It’s offensive to say “adhd husband” and it’s offensive to act like this is the reason he’s a jerk. He’s a jerk because he’s a jerk. If he was not a jerk, he would find appropriate accommodations or treatments for his medical condition. So your post should really be “my jerk husband….”

It's easier for women on this forum to claim their exdh has ADHD so they can lay all the blame on him. Based on their posts you would think every man in the 1950s was racked with ADHD since they did 0% everyday.

+1

Men have been doing 0% long before ADHD was a recognized thing. If you were born in the last 40 years, you know men do 0%.

So the misogyny excuse is better or the same as untreated ADHD?

Or maybe it’s all of the above, just don’t tell your mom, secretary, wife or daughters how stoopid you actually are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman wktj adhd and I cannot tell you how offensive and tiresome I find all these posts about “adhd husbands.” I know some great guys with adhd. Just like I know great guys with heat disease or whatever. People who manage their health conditions appropriately. It’s offensive to say “adhd husband” and it’s offensive to act like this is the reason he’s a jerk. He’s a jerk because he’s a jerk. If he was not a jerk, he would find appropriate accommodations or treatments for his medical condition. So your post should really be “my jerk husband….”

It's easier for women on this forum to claim their exdh has ADHD so they can lay all the blame on him. Based on their posts you would think every man in the 1950s was racked with ADHD since they did 0% everyday.

So what’s to blame if one marital partner with kids does close to nothing for the house or kids? Meanwhile the other works or not and does all of it?