Lottery Etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4th grade parent here. I believe MS is the hardest lottery because everyone is competing for the same 100-ish spots at Latin. I will tell my daughter the morning of, I think, but Will feel jealous/guilty/sad regardless of outcome because all of our neighbors and friends are also in the running. It really does suck.

Well no, not everyone. Some people's first choice is ITDS or they already go to ITDS. Some people have DCI and a good chance as siblings, or it's their first choice for whatever reason. Some people truly do want Stuart-Hobson most. No shade to Latin but there's more variety here. And I'm saying this living in Bloomingdale.

[Anonymous]

PP here, I think they meant it as everyone playing the lottery in fourth grade has Latin 1 and 2. DCI starts in 6th as does SH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here, I think they meant it as everyone playing the lottery in fourth grade has Latin 1 and 2. DCI starts in 6th as does SH.

But choosing not to play the lottery is a choice too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4th grade parent here. I believe MS is the hardest lottery because everyone is competing for the same 100-ish spots at Latin. I will tell my daughter the morning of, I think, but Will feel jealous/guilty/sad regardless of outcome because all of our neighbors and friends are also in the running. It really does suck.

Are we? It isn't my first choice.

We got into Latin Cooper and declined previously. So that left spot for someone else.

Latin is not everyone’s 1st choice.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely. But that’s not what OP is saying. If you play the lottery, chances of Latin are 1/60. If you don’t they are 0/60. Chances of getting into your inbound MS 1/1 or 100% so there is zero guilt or drama with friends and or neighbors about competing for spots. Everyone who wants to go can go. So easy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4th grade parent here. I believe MS is the hardest lottery because everyone is competing for the same 100-ish spots at Latin. I will tell my daughter the morning of, I think, but Will feel jealous/guilty/sad regardless of outcome because all of our neighbors and friends are also in the running. It really does suck.

Are we? It isn't my first choice.

We got into Latin Cooper and declined previously. So that left spot for someone else.


If you got in, you must have ranked it pretty high. Probably 1 or 2. Declining a spot does not change the fact that people playing the lottery are ranking these schools high on their list!

Latin is not everyone’s 1st choice.

[Anonymous]

If you got into Cooper, you must have ranked it pretty high. Probably 1 or 2. Declining a spot does not change the fact that people playing the lottery are ranking these schools high on their list!

[Anonymous]

I was on-campus at Stuart-Hobson the day after results were released last year. The school was giddy. Lots of congratulations all around. That wasn't unusual for the school, but it was nice to deal with it as a parent and not a teacher.

[Anonymous]

We decided to be open and honest with other parents about lotterying this year. There's a pretty small, cohesive group of kids/parents at our IB who are middle class/upper middle class and send their kids to aftercare (aftercare is small at our school - they have space for everyone but it's less than 10% of kids that go) and we all basically know each other at this point (my kid is early elementary). There have been a few people who left over the years with some degree of not saying anything (never mentioned the lottery or a house hunt and all of a sudden in August, aren't going to be at school next year) and I think other people were a little hurt/bummed by that.

Because of that, I did opt to tell people we were lotterying this year. It's very possible to do this diplomatically. You can talk about your reasons for wanting a change without insulting a school. These are complex decisions, way beyond a "good" or "bad" school, and I think everyone gets that. So, I'm sure we'll talk about it (at least briefly) as we see each other Friday and over the weekend.

The harder issue for me is the kids. We did have to tell them we were visiting schools (I wasn't going to lie to them about where we were going when we went to open houses) but we've been very casual about it. Plus, there's a good chance (with the way waitlists move in early elementary) that we won't actually know this week where we're going. So I think we'll avoid telling them much of anything other than like a "oh, some results came out yesterday, we're still not sure" but even then probably only if the overhear something and ask. It's just too up in the air for them at this age, I think. But I'd be interested in other people's thoughts on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was on-campus at Stuart-Hobson the day after results were released last year. The school was giddy. Lots of congratulations all around. That wasn't unusual for the school, but it was nice to deal with it as a parent and not a teacher.

That's great BUT I guarantee you there were kids at school that day masking disappointment at not getting a spot at their desired application school, and likely doubly sad because so many of their classmates were excited -- their friends will now be attending other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends.

For the PK3 lottery I think it's helpful for people to share their results and situations (like what they ranked highest, if they are wait listed) because everyone is new to the process and it's part of how you learn. But you should always be sensitive about it, especially if you "win" the lottery. Others won't, and if you are seen as gloating, they will get annoyed with you.

As kids get older people tend to be slightly more circumspect, especially because choosing to lottery often indicates dissatisfaction with the school other people's kids attend. Also middle school lottery in DC is stressful because there are simply not enough spots available as the schools a lot of people want and many people have very tough choices to make if they don't get a lottery spot for MS.

In HS you have application schools, plus at that point the kids are taking the lead on school preferences and you need to be thoughtful about how the kids feel (again, especially kids who don't get spots at their desired school).

The lottery is a good time to practice empathy, be observant about how your situation might differ from someone else's (for instance some people have really weak IB options do more may ride on the lottery for them), and learn to talk about kids in a non-competitive and mutually supportive way. This is far from the last time those skills will come in handy with other parents.

Eh. I would say that this is an opportunity to begin the essential process of being less fixated on “wins” for your kid. You cannot really predict the future. I was devastated when my kid “lost” the K lottery but the IB school ended up being excellent for K. Similarly bummed to “lose” for MS but again IB worked really well. Believe it or not it is possible to be chill about this stuff and you do not have to be a constant maximizer.

That's great for you but not everyone's IB works "really well." We were at out IB from PK3 though 2nd and it was a rough run for my kid, when we finally had lottery puck and got a spot at another DCPS.i wasn't "maximizing" to feel frustration and disappointment each year when we'd watch other families depart our IB, and the have to explain to our kid why a friend wouldn't be at our school anymore.

I bet your IB is a school a lot like where we ended up -- a good DCPS with an acceptable MS feed. I wish you understood how rare this is in DC.

[Anonymous]

In terms of how much to say to an early elementary kid, it really depends on your particular kid and their understanding of time. I have a kid who would have gotten really upset that I hadn't told them first thing, and didn't make sure they were told, and another more happy-go-lucky kid who would probably just forget I even told them and not need to know months in advance.

With the MS lottery, both kids were very much involved in the process, though of course parents made the final decisions. We actually got into MS 1, toured it, enrolled, then got off the waitlist at MS 2, ditto, and then got off the waitlist at MS 3, which is where we ended up staying.

I did hear that end of fourth grade was tough at our Hill elementary, for those kids who weren't leaving (whether because of bad lottery or parents' choice). It's a good idea to warn your kids that some other kids in their grade will not be told their results or didn't get a spot right off the bat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends.

For the PK3 lottery I think it's helpful for people to share their results and situations (like what they ranked highest, if they are wait listed) because everyone is new to the process and it's part of how you learn. But you should always be sensitive about it, especially if you "win" the lottery. Others won't, and if you are seen as gloating, they will get annoyed with you.

As kids get older people tend to be slightly more circumspect, especially because choosing to lottery often indicates dissatisfaction with the school other people's kids attend. Also middle school lottery in DC is stressful because there are simply not enough spots available as the schools a lot of people want and many people have very tough choices to make if they don't get a lottery spot for MS.

In HS you have application schools, plus at that point the kids are taking the lead on school preferences and you need to be thoughtful about how the kids feel (again, especially kids who don't get spots at their desired school).

The lottery is a good time to practice empathy, be observant about how your situation might differ from someone else's (for instance some people have really weak IB options do more may ride on the lottery for them), and learn to talk about kids in a non-competitive and mutually supportive way. This is far from the last time those skills will come in handy with other parents.

Eh. I would say that this is an opportunity to begin the essential process of being less fixated on “wins” for your kid. You cannot really predict the future. I was devastated when my kid “lost” the K lottery but the IB school ended up being excellent for K. Similarly bummed to “lose” for MS but again IB worked really well. Believe it or not it is possible to be chill about this stuff and you do not have to be a constant maximizer.

That's great for you but not everyone's IB works "really well." We were at out IB from PK3 though 2nd and it was a rough run for my kid, when we finally had lottery puck and got a spot at another DCPS.i wasn't "maximizing" to feel frustration and disappointment each year when we'd watch other families depart our IB, and the have to explain to our kid why a friend wouldn't be at our school anymore.

I bet your IB is a school a lot like where we ended up -- a good DCPS with an acceptable MS feed. I wish you understood how rare this is in DC.

I'm not the PP, but I agree with you. Yet I think it's important to say that some people do have a good experience. I had my kid at Langley in the years around 2017-2018, and it really honestly was good.

[Anonymous]

For elementary school school lottery, we only told a few friends of the lottery results, no one at our existing IB school. Told friends at IB school in the weeks leading up to the new school year. Told our kids the week before school started.
For middle school, we told our kid that night, and discretely told friends in the weeks after, mainly trying to figure out who would be joining at the new school (BASIS). But don't do what some of the 4th grade parents did on our school's WhatsApp group - broadcast to the whole grade who got into Latin or how high their kid's spot was on the waitlist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was on-campus at Stuart-Hobson the day after results were released last year. The school was giddy. Lots of congratulations all around. That wasn't unusual for the school, but it was nice to deal with it as a parent and not a teacher.

That's great BUT I guarantee you there were kids at school that day masking disappointment at not getting a spot at their desired application school, and likely doubly sad because so many of their classmates were excited -- their friends will now be attending other schools.

NP. Yeah, but for an eighth grader that really feels with in the bounds of a reasonable negative life experience. Sadness happens. Sometimes we don’t get what we want. These kids aren’t made out of glass, they won’t break.

In early elem, I agree you mostly keep that close to the vest, kids aren’t ready to be involved in that decision or even the results really.

5/6th grade is the tougher one. They’re too old not to be in the mix, but young to deal with it.