Lottery Etiquette

[Anonymous]

What are your dos and don’ts post lottery? Do you share results with close friends? Keep a close hold? Do you tell the child the morning of or let it marinate? Curious to hear how others navigate what can be a tricky and sometimes delicate situation of deep disappointment, jealousy, or relief.

[Anonymous]

Depends.

For the PK3 lottery I think it's helpful for people to share their results and situations (like what they ranked highest, if they are wait listed) because everyone is new to the process and it's part of how you learn. But you should always be sensitive about it, especially if you "win" the lottery. Others won't, and if you are seen as gloating, they will get annoyed with you.

As kids get older people tend to be slightly more circumspect, especially because choosing to lottery often indicates dissatisfaction with the school other people's kids attend. Also middle school lottery in DC is stressful because there are simply not enough spots available as the schools a lot of people want and many people have very tough choices to make if they don't get a lottery spot for MS.

In HS you have application schools, plus at that point the kids are taking the lead on school preferences and you need to be thoughtful about how the kids feel (again, especially kids who don't get spots at their desired school).

The lottery is a good time to practice empathy, be observant about how your situation might differ from someone else's (for instance some people have really weak IB options do more may ride on the lottery for them), and learn to talk about kids in a non-competitive and mutually supportive way. This is far from the last time those skills will come in handy with other parents.

[Anonymous]

You are overthinking this. It is your personal choice for your kid and not really anyone’s business. If anyone asks just say “Larlo is going to Latin.” Of course someone who “lost” could feel a bit jealous but that is not your responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends.

For the PK3 lottery I think it's helpful for people to share their results and situations (like what they ranked highest, if they are wait listed) because everyone is new to the process and it's part of how you learn. But you should always be sensitive about it, especially if you "win" the lottery. Others won't, and if you are seen as gloating, they will get annoyed with you.

As kids get older people tend to be slightly more circumspect, especially because choosing to lottery often indicates dissatisfaction with the school other people's kids attend. Also middle school lottery in DC is stressful because there are simply not enough spots available as the schools a lot of people want and many people have very tough choices to make if they don't get a lottery spot for MS.

In HS you have application schools, plus at that point the kids are taking the lead on school preferences and you need to be thoughtful about how the kids feel (again, especially kids who don't get spots at their desired school).

The lottery is a good time to practice empathy, be observant about how your situation might differ from someone else's (for instance some people have really weak IB options do more may ride on the lottery for them), and learn to talk about kids in a non-competitive and mutually supportive way. This is far from the last time those skills will come in handy with other parents.

Eh. I would say that this is an opportunity to begin the essential process of being less fixated on “wins” for your kid. You cannot really predict the future. I was devastated when my kid “lost” the K lottery but the IB school ended up being excellent for K. Similarly bummed to “lose” for MS but again IB worked really well. Believe it or not it is possible to be chill about this stuff and you do not have to be a constant maximizer.

[Anonymous]

Can anyone remind me what time the results come out? Playing for middle school this year and out of the game since PK. It’s nail-biting week!

[Anonymous]

Friday morning, but more likely late Thursday night.

My DD struck out in the lottery the first three years, but we had a really good experience at our low-rated IB. Truly. And I did feel all those jealous feelings. But on the other hand, some people were absolutely thrilled to get into schools I would never have put on my list at all. All you can do is listen empathetically, say warm things about the person's child being just so delightful, and that there is always next year. If their child is being separated from yours for any reason, offer to get them together on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone remind me what time the results come out? Playing for middle school this year and out of the game since PK. It’s nail-biting week!

Two years ago it was exactly at 10:06pm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone remind me what time the results come out? Playing for middle school this year and out of the game since PK. It’s nail-biting week!

Two years ago it was exactly at 10:06pm

Looking forward to my stress-free night of the Pitt and checking MySchoolDC tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your dos and don’ts post lottery? Do you share results with close friends? Keep a close hold? Do you tell the child the morning of or let it marinate? Curious to hear how others navigate what can be a tricky and sometimes delicate situation of deep disappointment, jealousy, or relief.

Of all the families we know well enough to talk lottery strategy, only one or two are still playing (heading into 2nd next year). We'd tell them if they asked but probably wouldn't broadcast it widely. I wouldn't tell my kid until after the last day of school but she's extremely sensitive and it would throw her off her whole game. Like I think she would cry every day at the thought of not seeing a particular kid/teacher/counselor next year (and she fully cannot internalize that those people might not be there next year even if she returned to the same school).

But your title made me laugh a bit because it reminded me of last year, one of our friends got into *the* school everyone in our neighborhood wants (and that we're trying to get to), from the school we're at now. I ran into the parents at soccer and asked mom how it was going and she was super diplomatic, focused on the challenges of finding new friends and getting comfortable, said they were still feeling their way, etc. Then the dad walked up after halftime and I asked how he liked it and he was like "IT'S EVERYTHING THEY SAY IT IS! Soooooooo much better than [school my kid is still at], we're just so glad we got in!"

[Anonymous]

It's funny how married couples are so different in what they think and what they will reveal.

I don't care about anyone's opinion unless I think they have a lot of background knowledge to contextualize it.

[Anonymous]

It's hard.

I wish I had said less to parents of the school we left about our reasons.

I talk to my kids about it a lot and get their buy in on the list, and then the decision. I want my kids to be a "yes" and not just move them without their knowledge (not for PK obviously but for anything beyond early elementary). That said, adults understand the consequences of the decisions much more than children do.

Visiting the school after getting in helped a lot with the kid part -- they can visualize the future.

[Anonymous]

4th grade parent here. I believe MS is the hardest lottery because everyone is competing for the same 100-ish spots at Latin. I will tell my daughter the morning of, I think, but Will feel jealous/guilty/sad regardless of outcome because all of our neighbors and friends are also in the running. It really does suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4th grade parent here. I believe MS is the hardest lottery because everyone is competing for the same 100-ish spots at Latin. I will tell my daughter the morning of, I think, but Will feel jealous/guilty/sad regardless of outcome because all of our neighbors and friends are also in the running. It really does suck.

Are we? It isn't my first choice.

[Anonymous]

Let your kid get through the school day and then share the news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4th grade parent here. I believe MS is the hardest lottery because everyone is competing for the same 100-ish spots at Latin. I will tell my daughter the morning of, I think, but Will feel jealous/guilty/sad regardless of outcome because all of our neighbors and friends are also in the running. It really does suck.

Are we? It isn't my first choice.

We are a Basis family and also don't have Latin on our list for my second. But I agree with previous poster that, at least everyone on the hill, is hoping for Latin 1 and 2.