Inability of 20yo DS to look for internships

[Anonymous]

OP, how about you let him fail a bit? AND *This is crucial* let there be consequences.

No job? No money. Now is the time to let him fail when it isn't make or break.

So make sure he knows what happens if he doesn't have a job - no money to spend next year in college. Or to fill up the gas tank of the car. Or to fly to visit a GF. Or whatever. Do not bail him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about you let him fail a bit? AND *This is crucial* let there be consequences.

No job? No money. Now is the time to let him fail when it isn't make or break.

So make sure he knows what happens if he doesn't have a job - no money to spend next year in college. Or to fill up the gas tank of the car. Or to fly to visit a GF. Or whatever. Do not bail him out.

The problem is, he'd be fine with that. He's asocial and never spends anything or goes anywhere on his own volition. I'm not sure he'll ever meet someone and have kids. His idea of the perfect summer is lounging on the couch playing video games and generally being terminally online. He will walk the dog if I ask, or do other chores, and drive his younger sibling around if she needs it - ie, he's compliant when the request involved isn't too challenging for him - but he never takes any sort of initiative, even for things that he stands to benefit from, such as looking for an internship. He's not money-motivated at all. I guess that on top of executive function issues, there's social anxiety at interviewing and working with people. That's why I'm serious when I say I'm concerned that he's going to be failure to launch if I don't push him into a job/internship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about you let him fail a bit? AND *This is crucial* let there be consequences.

No job? No money. Now is the time to let him fail when it isn't make or break.

So make sure he knows what happens if he doesn't have a job - no money to spend next year in college. Or to fill up the gas tank of the car. Or to fly to visit a GF. Or whatever. Do not bail him out.

The problem is, he'd be fine with that. He's asocial and never spends anything or goes anywhere on his own volition. I'm not sure he'll ever meet someone and have kids. His idea of the perfect summer is lounging on the couch playing video games and generally being terminally online. He will walk the dog if I ask, or do other chores, and drive his younger sibling around if she needs it - ie, he's compliant when the request involved isn't too challenging for him - but he never takes any sort of initiative, even for things that he stands to benefit from, such as looking for an internship. He's not money-motivated at all. I guess that on top of executive function issues, there's social anxiety at interviewing and working with people. That's why I'm serious when I say I'm concerned that he's going to be failure to launch if I don't push him into a job/internship.

I see what you're saying about the social anxiety and a sociality. But you might find he becomes more money-motivated if you cut back his spending money. Surely he wants to afford a decent phone, for example.

[Anonymous]

Ok so he isn’t going to NETWORK his way into a position. He just needs to apply widely. There are dozens of open internships in DC right now. Do a google search. Fix up his resume. Apply. Keep applying. Then do the interviews. Massively asocial introverted people can be good workers, so just help him do the things he needs to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the mom that shows up with your son to the job interviews that another thread was talking about.

Rude and unnecessary. She’s a mom of a child with more than one DISABILITY.

Exactly. He will always need his mom’s help like this. I don’t know why OP is expecting something to be different. You don’t grow out of disabilities like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about you let him fail a bit? AND *This is crucial* let there be consequences.

No job? No money. Now is the time to let him fail when it isn't make or break.

So make sure he knows what happens if he doesn't have a job - no money to spend next year in college. Or to fill up the gas tank of the car. Or to fly to visit a GF. Or whatever. Do not bail him out.

The problem is, he'd be fine with that. He's asocial and never spends anything or goes anywhere on his own volition. I'm not sure he'll ever meet someone and have kids. His idea of the perfect summer is lounging on the couch playing video games and generally being terminally online. He will walk the dog if I ask, or do other chores, and drive his younger sibling around if she needs it - ie, he's compliant when the request involved isn't too challenging for him - but he never takes any sort of initiative, even for things that he stands to benefit from, such as looking for an internship. He's not money-motivated at all. I guess that on top of executive function issues, there's social anxiety at interviewing and working with people. That's why I'm serious when I say I'm concerned that he's going to be failure to launch if I don't push him into a job/internship.

He’ll never be a failure to launch. He is a disabled adult. Please adjust your expectations.

[Anonymous]

What exactly are you expecting him to launch into? He’ll never have an independent life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about you let him fail a bit? AND *This is crucial* let there be consequences.

No job? No money. Now is the time to let him fail when it isn't make or break.

So make sure he knows what happens if he doesn't have a job - no money to spend next year in college. Or to fill up the gas tank of the car. Or to fly to visit a GF. Or whatever. Do not bail him out.

The problem is, he'd be fine with that. He's asocial and never spends anything or goes anywhere on his own volition. I'm not sure he'll ever meet someone and have kids. His idea of the perfect summer is lounging on the couch playing video games and generally being terminally online. He will walk the dog if I ask, or do other chores, and drive his younger sibling around if she needs it - ie, he's compliant when the request involved isn't too challenging for him - but he never takes any sort of initiative, even for things that he stands to benefit from, such as looking for an internship. He's not money-motivated at all. I guess that on top of executive function issues, there's social anxiety at interviewing and working with people. That's why I'm serious when I say I'm concerned that he's going to be failure to launch if I don't push him into a job/internship.

He’ll never be a failure to launch. He is a disabled adult. Please adjust your expectations.

Can disabled people never fail at anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about you let him fail a bit? AND *This is crucial* let there be consequences.

No job? No money. Now is the time to let him fail when it isn't make or break.

So make sure he knows what happens if he doesn't have a job - no money to spend next year in college. Or to fill up the gas tank of the car. Or to fly to visit a GF. Or whatever. Do not bail him out.

The problem is, he'd be fine with that. He's asocial and never spends anything or goes anywhere on his own volition. I'm not sure he'll ever meet someone and have kids. His idea of the perfect summer is lounging on the couch playing video games and generally being terminally online. He will walk the dog if I ask, or do other chores, and drive his younger sibling around if she needs it - ie, he's compliant when the request involved isn't too challenging for him - but he never takes any sort of initiative, even for things that he stands to benefit from, such as looking for an internship. He's not money-motivated at all. I guess that on top of executive function issues, there's social anxiety at interviewing and working with people. That's why I'm serious when I say I'm concerned that he's going to be failure to launch if I don't push him into a job/internship.

He’ll never be a failure to launch. He is a disabled adult. Please adjust your expectations.

Can disabled people never fail at anything?

Sorry, "people with disabilities". But please do expound on your theory that because OP's child has a disability, expectation of launching should be zero. Can a person with any disability never be expected to launch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about you let him fail a bit? AND *This is crucial* let there be consequences.

No job? No money. Now is the time to let him fail when it isn't make or break.

So make sure he knows what happens if he doesn't have a job - no money to spend next year in college. Or to fill up the gas tank of the car. Or to fly to visit a GF. Or whatever. Do not bail him out.

The problem is, he'd be fine with that. He's asocial and never spends anything or goes anywhere on his own volition. I'm not sure he'll ever meet someone and have kids. His idea of the perfect summer is lounging on the couch playing video games and generally being terminally online. He will walk the dog if I ask, or do other chores, and drive his younger sibling around if she needs it - ie, he's compliant when the request involved isn't too challenging for him - but he never takes any sort of initiative, even for things that he stands to benefit from, such as looking for an internship. He's not money-motivated at all. I guess that on top of executive function issues, there's social anxiety at interviewing and working with people. That's why I'm serious when I say I'm concerned that he's going to be failure to launch if I don't push him into a job/internship.

What kind of career does he want? Because having social anxiety like this means he won't be able to do anything involving working in teams or talking to people. He would've been better off majoring in CS and just working alone.

or, I guess he could be a writer?

Does he have a therapist to work with him on these issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about you let him fail a bit? AND *This is crucial* let there be consequences.

No job? No money. Now is the time to let him fail when it isn't make or break.

So make sure he knows what happens if he doesn't have a job - no money to spend next year in college. Or to fill up the gas tank of the car. Or to fly to visit a GF. Or whatever. Do not bail him out.

The problem is, he'd be fine with that. He's asocial and never spends anything or goes anywhere on his own volition. I'm not sure he'll ever meet someone and have kids. His idea of the perfect summer is lounging on the couch playing video games and generally being terminally online. He will walk the dog if I ask, or do other chores, and drive his younger sibling around if she needs it - ie, he's compliant when the request involved isn't too challenging for him - but he never takes any sort of initiative, even for things that he stands to benefit from, such as looking for an internship. He's not money-motivated at all. I guess that on top of executive function issues, there's social anxiety at interviewing and working with people. That's why I'm serious when I say I'm concerned that he's going to be failure to launch if I don't push him into a job/internship.

What kind of career does he want? Because having social anxiety like this means he won't be able to do anything involving working in teams or talking to people. He would've been better off majoring in CS and just working alone.

or, I guess he could be a writer?

Does he have a therapist to work with him on these issues?

OP here. Thanks. His summer jobs were working with large numbers of people, and his study abroad program involved meeting new people and being in novel surroundings, so I think it's a "fear of the new", and after the initial reluctance to join a new group, or apply to something, once he gets past the interview and the meet-and-greet, he can transition to working well with others (all business, no small talk, no making friends). Autistic people struggle with transitions, and I see that with him. He thrives on routine, so if his routine is working and meeting with mostly the same group of people for many years, then he would do well at his job.

I would love for him to agree to working with a therapist - but that would mean he'd have to talk to someone and share feelings. That's... not something he does. Even with me, his closest person. When we talk, I need to extract information from him. But you're right. Maybe I need to push him into a therapist session, see how it goes. We can't continue with this status quo.

[Anonymous]

internships are very hard to get in most fields. Even for the most motivated students.

[Anonymous]

OP, college educated autistic adults are often underemployed. They do well enough in school, but then struggle with all the things you've mentioned. Jobs require a lot more organizing, planning, and initiating than following a syllabus for a class.

What kind of disability services are available at his school? And what kind of career services? I can see how going up to a professor and saying "How do I find an internship" might be intimidating, but career services is a great place to ask that question. They should be able to help break down the process, even if part of it is talking to a professor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:internships are very hard to get in most fields. Even for the most motivated students.

Many students have been trying very hard for months without success. Even if he were to fully embrace the search tomorrow, he's pretty unlikely to find something.

[Anonymous]

Summer job....maybe detailing cars or mowing so he does not have to interact with people.