Inability of 20yo DS to look for internships

[Anonymous]

Any tips or commiseration welcome.

I don't know how much autism and ADHD play into this situation, but my AuDHD college junior has never been able to apply independently to most things. I was the one who initiated his college search and managed all the deadlines, otherwise I think he would have missed all of them. For his freshman summer, I was the one who found him a local job, because he couldn't figure it out. He was hired again for sophomore year, thank God. He did a selective study abroad program, and this time was more independent about all the deadlines, because it was his dream program that he'd always wanted to do. But now here we are again, in his junior year, where I think he should have really tried to find an internship in his future field... and nothing. He apparently forgot or couldn't handle looking for anything before the start of the second semester, because he was abroad and doing his finals, and now can't find anything. I don't think he's genuinely looking, however.

I have no connections at all in his field of study, and don't know much about internship opportunities for that. He's extremely asocial, and has no friends to ask, and apparently can't even strike up a conversation with professors to talk about it.

He's so irritatingly passive and driving me up the wall!!!

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

You are the mom that shows up with your son to the job interviews that another thread was talking about.

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1316122.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the mom that shows up with your son to the job interviews that another thread was talking about.

Rude and unnecessary. She’s a mom of a child with more than one DISABILITY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any tips or commiseration welcome.

I don't know how much autism and ADHD play into this situation, but my AuDHD college junior has never been able to apply independently to most things. I was the one who initiated his college search and managed all the deadlines, otherwise I think he would have missed all of them. For his freshman summer, I was the one who found him a local job, because he couldn't figure it out. He was hired again for sophomore year, thank God. He did a selective study abroad program, and this time was more independent about all the deadlines, because it was his dream program that he'd always wanted to do. But now here we are again, in his junior year, where I think he should have really tried to find an internship in his future field... and nothing. He apparently forgot or couldn't handle looking for anything before the start of the second semester, because he was abroad and doing his finals, and now can't find anything. I don't think he's genuinely looking, however.

I have no connections at all in his field of study, and don't know much about internship opportunities for that. He's extremely asocial, and has no friends to ask, and apparently can't even strike up a conversation with professors to talk about it.

He's so irritatingly passive and driving me up the wall!!!

Sigh.

I have an AuDHD child a few years behind yours and I worry about this constantly. They are great at managing the day to day and deadlines but dealing with one-off stuff they are less experienced with is challenging.

[Anonymous]

Would he agree to use some sort of coaching service for this? Long-term planning is a skill he should work on. You may also need to let him fail a bit. He has showed you that he can do this when motivated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any tips or commiseration welcome.

I don't know how much autism and ADHD play into this situation, but my AuDHD college junior has never been able to apply independently to most things. I was the one who initiated his college search and managed all the deadlines, otherwise I think he would have missed all of them. For his freshman summer, I was the one who found him a local job, because he couldn't figure it out. He was hired again for sophomore year, thank God. He did a selective study abroad program, and this time was more independent about all the deadlines, because it was his dream program that he'd always wanted to do. But now here we are again, in his junior year, where I think he should have really tried to find an internship in his future field... and nothing. He apparently forgot or couldn't handle looking for anything before the start of the second semester, because he was abroad and doing his finals, and now can't find anything. I don't think he's genuinely looking, however.

I have no connections at all in his field of study, and don't know much about internship opportunities for that. He's extremely asocial, and has no friends to ask, and apparently can't even strike up a conversation with professors to talk about it.

He's so irritatingly passive and driving me up the wall!!!

Sigh.

So he isn't going to do on his own what he doesn't want to do. Key is to find what he wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Some of very intelligent kids I know were like that, due to being introvert and anxious. They are all doing well in life now but certainly could be more successful if tried harder. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. Help where you can and let them figure it out where you can't. Our kids also choose fields we know nothing about so they had to go out of their comfort zones to find opportunities and that made them more independent so you never know, how things would go. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

It is okay to work a summer job and get a W2 paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Name the field of study?? We can be more helpful if you narrow between say Marketing vs Social Service sector. I do think you are going to help him land an internship and then his first job. So maybe start seeing that clearly as opposed to hoping for something else to happen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Name the field of study?? We can be more helpful if you narrow between say Marketing vs Social Service sector. I do think you are going to help him land an internship and then his first job. So maybe start seeing that clearly as opposed to hoping for something else to happen

OP here. Thank you everyone for the replies. He's in International Affairs, in DC. Wouldn't it be like shooting fish in a barrel? That's why I paid for a college in that location...

The study abroad program was a finite, structured event that was prominently described by his college, and so I think he had no trouble understanding the benefits and following application directions. But the nebulousness of not knowing where to look for an internship, when he has no friends and doesn't talk to his professors, is I believe what's tripping him up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Name the field of study?? We can be more helpful if you narrow between say Marketing vs Social Service sector. I do think you are going to help him land an internship and then his first job. So maybe start seeing that clearly as opposed to hoping for something else to happen

OP here. Thank you everyone for the replies. He's in International Affairs, in DC. Wouldn't it be like shooting fish in a barrel? That's why I paid for a college in that location...

The study abroad program was a finite, structured event that was prominently described by his college, and so I think he had no trouble understanding the benefits and following application directions. But the nebulousness of not knowing where to look for an internship, when he has no friends and doesn't talk to his professors, is I believe what's tripping him up.

dp.. ok, but the fact that he was able to manage the study abroad program application process "because it was his dream program that he'd always wanted to do." tells you that if he *really* wanted something, he'd figure it out

Have him go to the college career services as a start, and ask them. Also, most colleges have career/internship fairs that he should be going to.

He may have SN, but he won't be handheld at work. At some point, he has to figure some of it out.

But, it sounds like even if you tell him what to do, he doesn't do it because he feels "overwhelmed". How is going to deal with deadlines and multiple projects at work? He has to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Name the field of study?? We can be more helpful if you narrow between say Marketing vs Social Service sector. I do think you are going to help him land an internship and then his first job. So maybe start seeing that clearly as opposed to hoping for something else to happen

OP here. Thank you everyone for the replies. He's in International Affairs, in DC. Wouldn't it be like shooting fish in a barrel? That's why I paid for a college in that location...

The study abroad program was a finite, structured event that was prominently described by his college, and so I think he had no trouble understanding the benefits and following application directions. But the nebulousness of not knowing where to look for an internship, when he has no friends and doesn't talk to his professors, is I believe what's tripping him up.

.

You're right about the structural differences. But it was never going to be like shooting fish in a barrel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to work a summer job and get a W2 paycheck.

Agreed. I hire well educated people who have great resumes. I actually love to see summer jobs on resumes. Part of our job is managing clients and that's probably the hardest part to hire for. We'd immediately hire someone who had ChikFilA on their resume (or some other fast food place that has incredible customer friendly skills). It takes a lot to smile and acknowledge that the customer is always right when they're berating you for chicken strips. They're so efficient too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Name the field of study?? We can be more helpful if you narrow between say Marketing vs Social Service sector. I do think you are going to help him land an internship and then his first job. So maybe start seeing that clearly as opposed to hoping for something else to happen

OP here. Thank you everyone for the replies. He's in International Affairs, in DC. Wouldn't it be like shooting fish in a barrel? That's why I paid for a college in that location...

The study abroad program was a finite, structured event that was prominently described by his college, and so I think he had no trouble understanding the benefits and following application directions. But the nebulousness of not knowing where to look for an internship, when he has no friends and doesn't talk to his professors, is I believe what's tripping him up.

dp.. ok, but the fact that he was able to manage the study abroad program application process "because it was his dream program that he'd always wanted to do." tells you that if he *really* wanted something, he'd figure it out

Have him go to the college career services as a start, and ask them. Also, most colleges have career/internship fairs that he should be going to.

He may have SN, but he won't be handheld at work. At some point, he has to figure some of it out.

But, it sounds like even if you tell him what to do, he doesn't do it because he feels "overwhelmed". How is going to deal with deadlines and multiple projects at work? He has to figure it out.

OP here. That's the crux of the matter, PP, and my greatest long-term concern. He is slow, perfectionist and cannot multitask well. I can't live his life for him. I just don't want him ending up in my basement!