Worried

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She must be very pretty.

Unemployed women seem to be valued for their looks. What about unemployed men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s not working right now, but she does stay busy. She has a lot of hobbies and interests she’s really engaged in, and she’s involved in community volunteering and local events. She’s definitely not just sitting around—she just hasn’t pursued a traditional job path, which is where my concern about long-term independence comes in. -OP

Who pays her bills? If you do then this needs to change.

[Anonymous]

This is ridiculous. Everyone - even if they marry a billionaire - should be prepared to support themselves, even if they never have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. Everyone - even if they marry a billionaire - should be prepared to support themselves, even if they never have to.

Well, that's not true. If she marries a billionaire, she can continue her hobbies social and charitable activities without having to find a career if she prefers that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 24 year old daughter is recently engaged to a very nice young man (28). He’s finished law school, seems responsible, and his parents are great—so in many ways I feel lucky about who she’s chosen.

That said, I have a concern I can’t quite shake, and I’m wondering if I’m overthinking it. For years—really since she was a teenager—I’ve tried to encourage her to get a job, but she never has. She’s very stubborn and has just never been interested in working.

She does have skills and abilities, so it’s not that I think she can’t work. I’m just worried that she’s never actually had to support herself or build any kind of independence, and she doesn’t seem to have a backup plan. I’m especially worried about her financial independence and what would happen down the line if she doesn’t have anything to fall back on.

While her fiancé seems like a solid partner, life is unpredictable, and I can’t help but think about what could happen if circumstances changed.

I don’t want to come across as negative or make her feel less than, especially during an exciting time in her life. I just feel uneasy and want her to have some level of independence and security.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? Did you say something, or let it go?

Thanks for any perspective.

She decided the man is the plan. Either it works or the will FAFO.

You raised her: this is what you have. Love with it. No point in worrying.

[Anonymous]

My kids were told that either they find jobs or attend grad schools after graduation, there is no other option on our table.We would gladly pay for a degree but not for taking idle years.

[Anonymous]

May be couple wants one ambitious and one supporter setup to have a traditional life until kids are older.

[Anonymous]

At this point she is 24 and a legal adult.

Let it go.

I'm amazed a guy got engaged to a woman who has never held a job.

Her back up plan if things ever go south is she gets an entry level job or several jobs to support herself like the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

This - "I'm amazed a guy got engaged to a woman who has never held a job."

I feel like man or woman should find passions, education, and how to support themselves before getting married.

[Anonymous]

I would be worried too, OP. How has she been supporting her lifestyle so far?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand how she’s 24 w/o a job. Who pays for her career-free lifestyle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should be worried, but you can help her make a plan.

-Career path, even if partially employed, something she can go full time if needed later.

-Separate savings not commingled with his finances. She and you can contribute to over the years. Hopefully you both have a trusting enough relationship that it can be in your name only, so it can't be traced to her.

I know the above sounds extreme, but it is very dangerous to be under/unemployed on a marriage. My mom did this for me and even on a small scale (40k) it made a big difference when my 20 yr marriage went south from his financial shenanigans.

Where would the daughter get money to contribute to this secret account? She has no job.
Mom, you raised a lazy woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how she’s 24 w/o a job. Who pays for her career-free lifestyle?

Maybe she gets paid for showing her feet on Only Fans.

[Anonymous]

She will be her husband’s problem soon, not yours! Breathe a sigh of relief, for now.
If things don’t work out between them, she either foes back to the status quo or she has a child and gets nice child support from a lawyer.
You don’t seem to be hurting when supporting her so it shouldn’t be a problem.
Not everyone has to work. If someone can find a way not to, and it’s not to the detriment of other people, more power to them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point she is 24 and a legal adult.

Let it go.

I'm amazed a guy got engaged to a woman who has never held a job.

Her back up plan if things ever go south is she gets an entry level job or several jobs to support herself like the rest of us.

This. If it were my son I’d have all sorts of concerns.

When my kids were teens we force them to enter the work force by no longer paying for everything they wanted. It really wasn’t hard.