Worried

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She must be very pretty.

Unemployed women seem to be valued for their looks. What about unemployed men?

Obviously not valued for anything.

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, you let this happen it seems.

Our kids (4) all knew a plan was expected. College, trade school, military, what have you, and as soon as they were no longer in school, they had to be working full-time. They could live with us while they were getting it all together, and we paid many of their expenses such as car insurance, cell phone, they drove our old cars (and I do mean old - one of the cars is 18 yrs old)…. But we made sure they were sticking to their career plan and moving forward.

Hobbies and volunteering are great, but those can be done after hours and weekends. This engagement could end tomorrow. “A man who feeds you can also starve you.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, you let this happen it seems.

Our kids (4) all knew a plan was expected. College, trade school, military, what have you, and as soon as they were no longer in school, they had to be working full-time. They could live with us while they were getting it all together, and we paid many of their expenses such as car insurance, cell phone, they drove our old cars (and I do mean old - one of the cars is 18 yrs old)…. But we made sure they were sticking to their career plan and moving forward.

Hobbies and volunteering are great, but those can be done after hours and weekends. This engagement could end tomorrow. “A man who feeds you can also starve you.”

Wow, that quote ! 🔥

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She must be very pretty.

Unemployed women seem to be valued for their looks. What about unemployed men?

Obviously not valued for anything.

Family money, even if gained by corruption or oppression.

[Anonymous]

A man is not a plan. And yes, I’d be concerned if I were you.

You know the pitfalls with this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, you let this happen it seems.

Our kids (4) all knew a plan was expected. College, trade school, military, what have you, and as soon as they were no longer in school, they had to be working full-time. They could live with us while they were getting it all together, and we paid many of their expenses such as car insurance, cell phone, they drove our old cars (and I do mean old - one of the cars is 18 yrs old)…. But we made sure they were sticking to their career plan and moving forward.

Hobbies and volunteering are great, but those can be done after hours and weekends. This engagement could end tomorrow. “A man who feeds you can also starve you.”

You are lucky. But don’t think other people haven’t done this too. Life/kids don’t always just fall into place so perfectly.

Pride goeth before the fall

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What has she been doing since college?

Why did you not insist (by posing consequences) that she work?

Sounds like all you have trained her to be is a kept woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, you let this happen it seems.

Our kids (4) all knew a plan was expected. College, trade school, military, what have you, and as soon as they were no longer in school, they had to be working full-time. They could live with us while they were getting it all together, and we paid many of their expenses such as car insurance, cell phone, they drove our old cars (and I do mean old - one of the cars is 18 yrs old)…. But we made sure they were sticking to their career plan and moving forward.

Hobbies and volunteering are great, but those can be done after hours and weekends. This engagement could end tomorrow. “A man who feeds you can also starve you.”

You are lucky. But don’t think other people haven’t done this too. Life/kids don’t always just fall into place so perfectly.

Pride goeth before the fall

dp.. I understand what you mean, and the challenge is definitely, as the parent, sticking to it. I get that it's hard to see your kids suffer, but IMO, if you don't stick to it, your kids will eventually suffer because you as the parent are constantly propping them up. it will be harder for the adult kids to get off their butts.

At minimum, an adult child can get a job -- Target, food service, etc..

I've said the same things to my kids. One DC is well on their way to getting a FT job after college; the other is just starting college but even they have had a job since 16 and plan on working in college (for spending money).

This is no different than when your kids were younger, and you followed (or not) through on the consequences you put forward. Gotta follow through.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 17 and 18 and have already held multiple paying jobs. What are you talking about??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

dp.. I understand what you mean, and the challenge is definitely, as the parent, sticking to it. I get that it's hard to see your kids suffer, but IMO, if you don't stick to it, your kids will eventually suffer because you as the parent are constantly propping them up. it will be harder for the adult kids to get off their butts.

At minimum, an adult child can get a job -- Target, food service, etc..

I've said the same things to my kids. One DC is well on their way to getting a FT job after college; the other is just starting college but even they have had a job since 16 and plan on working in college (for spending money).

This is no different than when your kids were younger, and you followed (or not) through on the consequences you put forward. Gotta follow through.

As I would tell my dc's when they were younger, "Better you cry now than I cry later."

[Anonymous]

Another who is supporting this whole 24 yo jobless adult.

Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has never had a job, may never have a job, and you are worried if you are overthinking it? No, you are not overthinking it. I would also be worried. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

PP again - even if you are from a culture in which "kept" girls/wives are common, and the fiance is, too, --well, I can understand why you might THINK you are overthinking this.

If you are in the US, you need to be 100% sure the family intends to pretend it's still in whatever culture also thinks this is acceptable/normal, but that there are alsolegal mechanisms set up to ensure that she is taken care of in case of abuse or divorce, etc. -- I am assuming she's not able to do this herself given that she seems to have had a very different upbringing

[Anonymous]

What if DD husband gets suck or in a car accident and cannot work. Do they have big net worth?

[Anonymous]

If I were OP I'd start putting money aside for DD and keep it in my own name so it won't be a marital asset if DD divorces.