I finally accepted my marriage is over, and I feel as light as a feather

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

I separated from my ex when my youngest was 2. FYI You are still in a relationship with your ex and will be for at least 15 - 20 more years. In fact, your relationship might be much harder and more complicated than you can ever imagine right now. I’m not telling you what to do, but you should have eyes wide open. This will likely be very hard on your kids for years.

Maybe. My ex moved to another country with his new wife and just stopped being a dad.

You must be a sociopath if you think that’s a great outcome for any children. No wonder you are divorced

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought the same thing when my ex-wife and I separated. I am free! I am lighter! I am out of my dead bedroom. So on and so forth.

Reality was actually a lot more complicated. I found myself missing some of my ex-wife’s good traits — traits which became illuminated more when she was gone. When I tried dating again and had dud after dud after dud — it reminded me of the spark that I had with her when we first fell in love. When I saw other people ghost me or treat me cruelly — it reminded me of ways that she was kind towards me and didn’t fully appreciate at the time.

I also found myself in a relationship that was actually much worse than my marriage was — there was lots of steamy sex but my partner was toxic, abusive, and hostile and used sex in manipulative ways. I got out but it was tough.

That relationship was followed by several more years of being single and going through a lot of different emotions, loneliness, etc.

It was also strange because my ex-wife found a new husband right away and started popping out babies with him left and right. I have no idea if she was actually happier but it sure seemed that way from her Facebook account and some sproadic messages.

Eventually, I did find another spouse — 8 years later. She is a much better fit for me, we are deeply in love, and I am convinced now that this is the right person for me.

But it was a bumpy road and I did not fully appreciate how challenging it was going to be when the journey started. I would not call it light or easy.

Dp. This is the reality and why people really really should rethink divorce in most cases. And the kids of course

[Anonymous]

Congrats OP❣️
Reading your post was both refreshing as well as inspiring!

There is nothing as emotionally freeing as removing toxic people/situations from your life.
Negative relationships can bring you down in life & it is entirely up to you how these relationships will personally affect you.

Will you walk away, take the negative experience as a huge life lesson learned ➕ create an opportunity for deserved happiness??
Or will you put up w/daily misery since it is your comfort zone and change scares you to death?

The best is yet to come!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I spent 50% time away from my children, especially a 2yo, I’d feel heavy, sad, and guilt-ridden. Literally nothing short of physical abuse or addiction could keep me away from my babies.

May be he is a good father and OP is being selfish.

[Anonymous]

You made the right choice for you.
Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

Good luck and enjoy the respite. You will need your strength for dealing with the hellstorm of shit and pain that is coming your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I spent 50% time away from my children, especially a 2yo, I’d feel heavy, sad, and guilt-ridden. Literally nothing short of physical abuse or addiction could keep me away from my babies.

Thanks for sharing but you’re not OP and these are not normal or valid feelings you’re having. Or relevant, frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

Good luck and enjoy the respite. You will need your strength for dealing with the hellstorm of shit and pain that is coming your way.

WTF? how do you know? I’m so tired of all the sanctimonious posters who think divorce is the worst thing ever. I’m divorced. I didn’t want to be. We were in marriage counseling for five years for all the reasons people on here say you should stay together. When I finally had enough, we split the assets evenly, he moved out, and we co-parent as well as we possibly could. Yes the adjustment to 2 houses was hard for my kids, and I occasionally miss them when they are gone, but I am SO much more present when they are with me that I actually feel like I have them more now. I was so beaten down and exhausted and just going through the motions before. And the thing is, the kids know this too. They have much better versions of their parents, and they are thriving.

I will say - my ex and I work very hard to not make our divorce their problem. If someone forgets something at one house or the other we just bring it over. If a friend’s parent calls me to invite one over when they’re at their dad’s, I intermediate. If they’re with me on their dad’s birthday, I make cupcakes and send them over. We dont play stupid games.

Those of you who dont know what a toxic marriage looks like have no idea what you’re talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

I separated from my ex when my youngest was 2. FYI You are still in a relationship with your ex and will be for at least 15 - 20 more years. In fact, your relationship might be much harder and more complicated than you can ever imagine right now. I’m not telling you what to do, but you should have eyes wide open. This will likely be very hard on your kids for years.

Maybe. My ex moved to another country with his new wife and just stopped being a dad.

You must be a sociopath if you think that’s a great outcome for any children. No wonder you are divorced

PP isn’t the one who moved across the world and left his child behind. You sound like an unstable person projecting your own issues onto someone else's story, where there is nothing in her text to support your claims. Some people have children and then abandon them—it's a tale as old as time. It’s not the fault of the parent who stays or the child; all blame lies with the loser who chose to leave his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

I separated from my ex when my youngest was 2. FYI You are still in a relationship with your ex and will be for at least 15 - 20 more years. In fact, your relationship might be much harder and more complicated than you can ever imagine right now. I’m not telling you what to do, but you should have eyes wide open. This will likely be very hard on your kids for years.

Maybe. My ex moved to another country with his new wife and just stopped being a dad.

You must be a sociopath if you think that’s a great outcome for any children. No wonder you are divorced

PP isn’t the one who moved across the world and left his child behind. You sound like an unstable person projecting your own issues onto someone else's story, where there is nothing in her text to support your claims. Some people have children and then abandon them—it's a tale as old as time. It’s not the fault of the parent who stays or the child; all blame lies with the loser who chose to leave his child.

You have no idea what happened in that relationship but seem to be on here encouraging divorce. And my point obviously was that having a parent not be in a child’s life is not a good outcome. I didn’t say whose fault it was. Reading comp skills would help you a lot.

You seem to be projecting some deep insecurities about divorce onto others by calling out how ideal it was for you. That’s fine for you, but there is a certain reality to divorce that cannot be denied despite exceptions to the rule. Some of us are willing to admit those undeniable realities, but people like you are in hard denial and I have to wonder why that is…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

Good luck and enjoy the respite. You will need your strength for dealing with the hellstorm of shit and pain that is coming your way.

WTF? how do you know? I’m so tired of all the sanctimonious posters who think divorce is the worst thing ever. I’m divorced. I didn’t want to be. We were in marriage counseling for five years for all the reasons people on here say you should stay together. When I finally had enough, we split the assets evenly, he moved out, and we co-parent as well as we possibly could. Yes the adjustment to 2 houses was hard for my kids, and I occasionally miss them when they are gone, but I am SO much more present when they are with me that I actually feel like I have them more now. I was so beaten down and exhausted and just going through the motions before. And the thing is, the kids know this too. They have much better versions of their parents, and they are thriving.

I will say - my ex and I work very hard to not make our divorce their problem. If someone forgets something at one house or the other we just bring it over. If a friend’s parent calls me to invite one over when they’re at their dad’s, I intermediate. If they’re with me on their dad’s birthday, I make cupcakes and send them over. We dont play stupid games.

Those of you who dont know what a toxic marriage looks like have no idea what you’re talking about.

Why couldn’t you bring this sense of maturity and compromise to your actual marriage?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you never really loved him and married him to get the kids you wanted. You chose to bring kids into a sham marriage that you already knew had issues just to get what you wanted from it. I don't know if he knew you were just using him to get kids or not? If you both made that decision openly, then you are both at fault for poor decision making.

Anyways, hopefully you both move on and can parent amicably and don't bring a revolving door of new partners through your kids lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I spent 50% time away from my children, especially a 2yo, I’d feel heavy, sad, and guilt-ridden. Literally nothing short of physical abuse or addiction could keep me away from my babies.

Want a cookie? How thoughtless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you never really loved him and married him to get the kids you wanted. You chose to bring kids into a sham marriage that you already knew had issues just to get what you wanted from it. I don't know if he knew you were just using him to get kids or not? If you both made that decision openly, then you are both at fault for poor decision making.

Anyways, hopefully you both move on and can parent amicably and don't bring a revolving door of new partners through your kids lives.

I hope you stop saying “anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you never really loved him and married him to get the kids you wanted. You chose to bring kids into a sham marriage that you already knew had issues just to get what you wanted from it. I don't know if he knew you were just using him to get kids or not? If you both made that decision openly, then you are both at fault for poor decision making.

Anyways, hopefully you both move on and can parent amicably and don't bring a revolving door of new partners through your kids lives.

Wow, you are making so many assumptions here. People don’t just marry to have kids and then plan for divorce. How do you know it’s a sham marriage? If it was OP wouldn’t have the sense of relief she is feeling and wouldn’t have stayed as long as she did.