I finally accepted my marriage is over, and I feel as light as a feather

[Anonymous]

We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

[Anonymous]

Im almost there to op. I find it hard because we're fairly isolated here because so many friends left the area. Housing is hard to come by unless you want an apartment. I can't stand apartment living anymore. And if I leave I have no intention of ever getting married or dating again. No thanks.

Anyway glad to hear your pulling the trigger I'm sure you'll be happier on the other side. ❤️

[Anonymous]

If I spent 50% time away from my children, especially a 2yo, I’d feel heavy, sad, and guilt-ridden. Literally nothing short of physical abuse or addiction could keep me away from my babies.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it's the right decision -- congratulations on this huge move and realization

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

I separated from my ex when my youngest was 2. FYI You are still in a relationship with your ex and will be for at least 15 - 20 more years. In fact, your relationship might be much harder and more complicated than you can ever imagine right now. I’m not telling you what to do, but you should have eyes wide open. This will likely be very hard on your kids for years.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine being this blithe about losing half my time with my child at 2. I hope this post is fake.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations. I totally understand where you are coming from. The day I decided to get divorced (with 3 young kids) is the first time I had smilled in ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine being this blithe about losing half my time with my child at 2. I hope this post is fake.

He probably won’t take a 2 year old for 1/2 the time. She can ask to start the half time a little later

[Anonymous]

Congratulations OP on reclaiming your life!!
I bet you know that 50% is only on paper and the kids will be more with you. Even if not, do not let anyone guilt trip you-it’s your life, make the most of it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

Isn’t the house 50% his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

I separated from my ex when my youngest was 2. FYI You are still in a relationship with your ex and will be for at least 15 - 20 more years. In fact, your relationship might be much harder and more complicated than you can ever imagine right now. I’m not telling you what to do, but you should have eyes wide open. This will likely be very hard on your kids for years.

if there was no abuse or infidelity, then OP is at fault in this failure as her husband is and she is also responsible for bringing kids in this world knowing that her DH is like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We will be 12 years married next month. The marriage has been strained from the get go. I have posted on this board many times. I was terrified to leave, and I refused to do it before kids as I was not risking not having kids (we have 2 and they are the lights of my life).

My youngest is 2 (old enough for 50/50 custody), and somehow something finally flipped in me; I am done accepting crumbs, and I’m not even mad anymore. I am going to move into the house I bought years ago (now a rental), and I feel light as a feather. I look forward to life again and don’t feel complete misery.

Anyway, just wanted to share. It’s amazing the physical sensation of complete relief I feel giving up on trying to get blood from a stone. I don’t care if I am single for the rest of my life, in fact I welcome it. I have a good job, 2 beautiful kids, and life is going to be grand.

I separated from my ex when my youngest was 2. FYI You are still in a relationship with your ex and will be for at least 15 - 20 more years. In fact, your relationship might be much harder and more complicated than you can ever imagine right now. I’m not telling you what to do, but you should have eyes wide open. This will likely be very hard on your kids for years.

Maybe. My ex moved to another country with his new wife and just stopped being a dad.

[Anonymous]

Please consult a lawyer before moving out of your house. It may affect the amount of custody you get.
Are you planning to take the kids with you?

[Anonymous]

I thought the same thing when my ex-wife and I separated. I am free! I am lighter! I am out of my dead bedroom. So on and so forth.

Reality was actually a lot more complicated. I found myself missing some of my ex-wife’s good traits — traits which became illuminated more when she was gone. When I tried dating again and had dud after dud after dud — it reminded me of the spark that I had with her when we first fell in love. When I saw other people ghost me or treat me cruelly — it reminded me of ways that she was kind towards me and didn’t fully appreciate at the time.

I also found myself in a relationship that was actually much worse than my marriage was — there was lots of steamy sex but my partner was toxic, abusive, and hostile and used sex in manipulative ways. I got out but it was tough.

That relationship was followed by several more years of being single and going through a lot of different emotions, loneliness, etc.

It was also strange because my ex-wife found a new husband right away and started popping out babies with him left and right. I have no idea if she was actually happier but it sure seemed that way from her Facebook account and some sproadic messages.

Eventually, I did find another spouse — 8 years later. She is a much better fit for me, we are deeply in love, and I am convinced now that this is the right person for me.

But it was a bumpy road and I did not fully appreciate how challenging it was going to be when the journey started. I would not call it light or easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Isn’t the house 50% his?

Not if she bought it before they were married.

To the other poster shaming this person for being happy to be free- you can be glad for the freedom and also sad for your children and their future, both things can be true.

It is also true that you will still be tied to this person for the rest of your life. It is a relief when you make the decision but gosh, it's hard. Good luck to you, OP.