Have your Adult Children moved away by choice to get away from you?

[Anonymous]

People move mostly for economic reasons, OP.

I followed my husband to a different continent partly because I wanted to be with him, and partly to escape my overbearing mother.

I have tried to be a good parent to my kids. If they move away, and I assume they will, it will probably be for work.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t move to get away from my parents, but I would not move close to them. Four days is the limit on how long I can see them. They haven’t visited me in a decade. I see them once a year. Not all families are close and get along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

I can’t imagine my kid being open to ensuring that I have access to compassionate care in old age.

Which is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved away from home and never went back (other than 1-2 times per year short visits). It isn't a reflection on my parents, our relationship or my upbringing. They gave me a solid foundation and that helped me launch on my own. Looking back now, it was probably a bit cruel. They missed me terribly, and I remember my mom and sister fighting a lot with each other after I left, and my mom telling me it felt like I had died. Dramatic, yes, but they both experienced losses when I was experiencing new, positive things. My mom can laugh about it now, looking back, but it was really a tough couple of years for them.

You came from an enmeshed family. We all would feel sadness at kids growing up but not this level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved away from home and never went back (other than 1-2 times per year short visits). It isn't a reflection on my parents, our relationship or my upbringing. They gave me a solid foundation and that helped me launch on my own. Looking back now, it was probably a bit cruel. They missed me terribly, and I remember my mom and sister fighting a lot with each other after I left, and my mom telling me it felt like I had died. Dramatic, yes, but they both experienced losses when I was experiencing new, positive things. My mom can laugh about it now, looking back, but it was really a tough couple of years for them.

You came from an enmeshed family. We all would feel sadness at kids growing up but not this level.

I don't know that I would say enmeshed. My mom is very emotional, but not in a controlling or manipulative way. They never held me back or gave me any guilt. I didn't go back home on summer breaks, but it wasn't a reflection on them. Similarly my parents didn't move to be closer to me. We have a great relationship, but now that I have young adults, I can see how difficult it would be to only see your 19 year old once or twice a year. Not every move is because of trauma or unhealthy dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

If your kids moved away to escape you, moving near them and angling to make them become your caretaker may not be the best strategy. Are you a Boomer?

[Anonymous]

It's a person bitter with life who would think, as a first thought, that young people move away to get away from their parents.

[Anonymous]

no, my father was a really terrible person and me and my siblings all moved FAR away from where we grew up and limited contact once we moved away. Honestly, he was so self centered and my mom was so enmeshed with him that i honestly don't think they missed any of us when we moved away.

I am sad that i don't see my own kids more. One lives relatively close (same state) while the others live farther away. Over Christmas, we had a heart to heart where my kids were like 'We love you but we also want to use our leave to visit our friends and attend weddings and see the world. Just like you did when you were our age." And they had a point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

A child who moves far away from a parent fo get away from them doesn’t want to be responsible for the elder care of the parent they don’t want to be near.

[Anonymous]

I knew by age 11 that I needed to get away from my parents. I first moved 200 miles away, then 1,000 miles away, then 3,000. To be fair, I was moving towards things, but I never would have stayed in the same area they were in. It caused so much stress. I was right to get away. Now my mother's dead and my father lives in Florida, and I wouldn't move there if you paid me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

A child who moves far away from a parent fo get away from them doesn’t want to be responsible for the elder care of the parent they don’t want to be near.

Nobody wants to take on that chore, but you should do it anyway to teach your children how to care for you in your elder years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

A child who moves far away from a parent fo get away from them doesn’t want to be responsible for the elder care of the parent they don’t want to be near.

If they don't want the eldercare responsibility, they should not want the inheritance. It's a package deal.

[Anonymous]

My kids moved away but mostly because it was cheaper to live outside our DC area or for my 2025 grad, he could not find work here but could elsewhere. We’ve talked about me moving closer to them so I don’t think they were moving away from us.

[Anonymous]

I moved cross country as a young adult in large part to get distance from toxic family dynamics but would never have overtly acknowledged that as a major factor in the decision.

I would doubt that many people whose adult children are moving to escape them are self aware enough to recognize it as the reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

A child who moves far away from a parent fo get away from them doesn’t want to be responsible for the elder care of the parent they don’t want to be near.

If they don't want the eldercare responsibility, they should not want the inheritance. It's a package deal.

If my parents wanted familial eldercare, they shouldn't have abused me as a child and into adulthood. They probably won't give me any inheritance as a final "f*** you." Up to them.