Have your Adult Children moved away by choice to get away from you?

[Anonymous]

If so, have you moved to be closer to them? How did it work out?

[Anonymous]

I think I my kids moved away to get away from me, I would not move close to them. Why would you follow them? Seems like the relationship is already strained, why uproot your life for that. I don't think it would make the relationship better. And you will probably end up resentful that you moved to be closer to them and still not have a great relationship. Look long and hard at who you are and try to address the reason why it is strained.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor is like this. Her kid hasn’t been home for more than 5 consecutive days since she left for college, now lives and works in another state. My neighbor keeps saying she is moving there, and I am sure her kid lives in fear of this.

[Anonymous]

Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

[Anonymous]

Kids who move to get away may not be elder caregivers. Make other plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor is like this. Her kid hasn’t been home for more than 5 consecutive days since she left for college, now lives and works in another state. My neighbor keeps saying she is moving there, and I am sure her kid lives in fear of this.

I haven't been to see my parents longer than 5 days since college either, but that's because I have a life and commitments here. I'd love to move where they are, but it's a small town with limited job opportunities that makes DC look downright cheap. If they told me they were moving here, I'd be thrilled--especially when DCs were little.

[Anonymous]

I know of no one whose kids moved away to get away from their parents. Spreading their wings is ordinary.

[Anonymous]

I moved away from home and never went back (other than 1-2 times per year short visits). It isn't a reflection on my parents, our relationship or my upbringing. They gave me a solid foundation and that helped me launch on my own. Looking back now, it was probably a bit cruel. They missed me terribly, and I remember my mom and sister fighting a lot with each other after I left, and my mom telling me it felt like I had died. Dramatic, yes, but they both experienced losses when I was experiencing new, positive things. My mom can laugh about it now, looking back, but it was really a tough couple of years for them.

[Anonymous]

My kids live 500 miles and 3700 miles away but pretty sure it isn't to get away from us because we see them often, either here or in their cities. The DC out of the country comes back for extended stays - anywhere from 2-4 weeks. The other one lives very close to our second home, which we bought well before DC moved to that city. It seems like most of their friends no longer live near their parents - moving away for college and then life is normal in my circles.

[Anonymous]

We have a great relationship with our adult kids. None left to “get away from us” but for college and then jobs. They still come home several times a year - usually atleast a week for Christmas and 5ish days for thanksgiving, long weekends here and there spring/summer/fall, and we go to them individually for a weekend a few times a year. Didn’t realize how blessed we were until I read this thread.

[Anonymous]

It could be as simple as parents living in a relatively shitty place, and the kids not having much affinity for that place.

I grew up in a depressed little town in PA, that at one point in like the 1960s used to be thriving and fairly wealthy. It's a tale as old as time where the town was reliant on a couple of heavy industries that ended up closing.

Us kids couldn't wait to get out and we might visit our parents for no more than like 5 days a year in our hometown...but we would rent a vacation home for several weeks and found that time with them much more rewarding.

[Anonymous]

I live in fear that my widowed mom will move closer to me. I definitely don't think this is a good strategy to improve an already strained relationship. If you can't get along with your kids from a distance, it's not going to get better if you move to the same town. I guess the only positive I see is that visits could be shorter (like meeting for a meal) as opposed to stressful multi-day hosting events that go on way too long for anyone's good).

Why do you think your kid moved to get away from you?

[Anonymous]

How many miles away did your DCs move?

[Anonymous]

My oldest brother fled DC to avoid our other brothers mental health issues.

My best friends son fled the area but he’s bipolar and had oppositional defiance disorder as a child.

I also think people just moved to other areas because they want to live in New York or Boston or Chicago or LA.

Travel is expensive and people don’t have a lot of leave so maybe they come to visit for a few days a year.

[Anonymous]

When my kids would come home from college, they couldn’t wait to “sleep in their own bed”.

Eventually, one day they show up and they can’t wait to get home because they wanna sleep in their own bed.

I find this a little sad, but it also makes me happy that they have built a life that’s comfortable and somewhere else they have their own bed, just like me.