Have your Adult Children moved away by choice to get away from you?

[Anonymous]

Location won’t fix an underlying problem. What’s the real issue, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

A child who moves far away from a parent fo get away from them doesn’t want to be responsible for the elder care of the parent they don’t want to be near.

Nobody wants to take on that chore, but you should do it anyway to teach your children how to care for you in your elder years.

DP. Why? My mom has been horrible to all her kids and also has not been inviting to significant others. I doubt my marriage could survive if I had to provide elder care for her. I sure wouldn't want to help my in-laws if they behaved like my mom. Why should a person have to make that kind of sacrifice for a parent? It takes every ounce of energy I have just to host her a couple of times a year. I'm not waiting on her hand and for for the entire rest of her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

A child who moves far away from a parent fo get away from them doesn’t want to be responsible for the elder care of the parent they don’t want to be near.

Nobody wants to take on that chore, but you should do it anyway to teach your children how to care for you in your elder years.

I would never take on the care of my parents with the idea that my kids will then take care of me. I don't want to put that on my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If so, have you moved to be closer to them? How did it work out?

[Anonymous]

I moved near my mom, who moved across the country when I was in college. I did not move “to be closer” to her, but familiarity with the DC area through her probably contributed to my decision.

My mother is difficult to spend any length of time with because of her issues, which are only getting more with age. It has actually been a bonus that I can see her but never need to spend a night at her home or vice versa.

I love my MIL but it would be hard to live in the same city as her and I know DH very much does not want that. We spend lots of time with her so the distance is I think good in that instance.

No idea where our two daughters will end up, I do not believe they would leave the area to get away from us but they are both going to college a plane ride away. We are not perfect by any stretch but we are all close and I work really hard on communication when things get out of sorts and I don’t anticipate a relationship rupture.

We plan to pay for them to visit and go on vacations with us for a long time. Depending on where they both end up we could move, but both really love DC so I don’t think they want us to move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If so, have you moved to be closer to them? How did it work out?

If someone moves away from you then moving closer to them makes zero sense. Instead, try to give them space meanwhile work on improving relationship so they feel open to move near you or want you near them in due time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

A child who moves far away from a parent fo get away from them doesn’t want to be responsible for the elder care of the parent they don’t want to be near.

Nobody wants to take on that chore, but you should do it anyway to teach your children how to care for you in your elder years.

I would never take on the care of my parents with the idea that my kids will then take care of me. I don't want to put that on my kids.

Of course you don't want that heavy responsibility from your kids but seeing you care for yours can make them more empathetic towards you in future in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Family friend grew up in a house where parents had a lot of verbal conflict. After law school and admitted to the bar, moved half way around the world. Does not visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

A child who moves far away from a parent fo get away from them doesn’t want to be responsible for the elder care of the parent they don’t want to be near.

Nobody wants to take on that chore, but you should do it anyway to teach your children how to care for you in your elder years.

I would never take on the care of my parents with the idea that my kids will then take care of me. I don't want to put that on my kids.

Wait 25 years from now, you will see the freight train coming and you will want your kids to take care of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

A child who moves far away from a parent fo get away from them doesn’t want to be responsible for the elder care of the parent they don’t want to be near.

Nobody wants to take on that chore, but you should do it anyway to teach your children how to care for you in your elder years.

I would never take on the care of my parents with the idea that my kids will then take care of me. I don't want to put that on my kids.

Wait 25 years from now, you will see the freight train coming and you will want your kids to take care of you.

I am aware of what's coming (not for me personally, obviously,but I've seen many people age). I will want my kids to visit me, spend time with me, and just do normal social stuff. My financial plan includes money for the help I will need when I am old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving closer geographically may be easier for everyone in your elder years. Less distance makes eldercare easier.

A child who moves far away from a parent fo get away from them doesn’t want to be responsible for the elder care of the parent they don’t want to be near.

Nobody wants to take on that chore, but you should do it anyway to teach your children how to care for you in your elder years.

I would never take on the care of my parents with the idea that my kids will then take care of me. I don't want to put that on my kids.

Of course you don't want that heavy responsibility from your kids but seeing you care for yours can make them more empathetic towards you in future in other ways.

There are other ways to teach empathy. Just bc someone doesn't step in as unpaid hired help doesn't mean they aren't doing more things for their parents and maintaining the relationship.