Reply to How Long Should I Let Him Go?

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[quote=Anonymous]Well, I am your husband in this scenario. I have a check-in conversation with my DH every week or two to get his thoughts on how things are going. We are in a slightly different position in that we did not really need my income. At the same time, I know I would not want to be the single income in the family, too stressful - my DH says he doesn't mind. So, I'm sort of looking, applied to a literal handful of jobs over months, found some other pursuits (unpaid).

Anyway, I do think my DH would care if I didn't have these check-in conversations and just assumed. And if I weren't proactive, I would be ok with my DH saying to me - Hey, can we just have a chat about how you're feeling about things tomorrow? And during that, you should just ask your DH - how are you doing? What do you see as the long term plan? Can we look at financials together and see where we are/do we need to cut anything, etc.?

And the financial piece - I am getting severance for a long time. I still have months of it. But, from the day I lost my job, we stopped using my income and cut out unneeded things. I know living on one salary is a luxury, so I don't expect that from everyone, but you all need to have a conversation about your plan - what is the plan if he is without a job when severance runs out? You need to talk about all that AND those conversations can be had without pressing him to look for a job. You may realize that you actually can live on one income for a while. That should make you feel better.

The other part - and I know this makes me a smaller person, but it also speaks to the fact that I never loved my career - even if we didn't need the money, if the roles were reversed, I would probably resent it if my husband could stay home and I had to go to work at a job I disliked. I know that's not that mature. My DH does not feel that way, but I know it would color my responses if things were reversed, especially if that was looking like a long term thing. So, also look at that within yourself and how much is valid anxiety vs. being a bit envious. I see you saying you want him to look for a job, but not that your family needs the income. [/quote]

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