Spouse Tags Along At Every Meeting and Conference

[Anonymous]

My mother went to medical conferences with my father because he was a recovering alcoholic and she wanted to make sure he didn’t drink. Guy may have a problem with booze, drugs or infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother went to medical conferences with my father because he was a recovering alcoholic and she wanted to make sure he didn’t drink. Guy may have a problem with booze, drugs or infidelity.

That is not the concern of the businesses involved. He should be let go from this responsibility he can't handle and get another job that doesn't require babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Politely ask the boss's boss how to navigate the situation with respect to business secrets and client relationships.

+1
I would do this- not to shit-stir, but find one business secret example that she has been unnecessarily privy to, and ask in writing how to proceed. Then, it's not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here - let me clarify, the wife comes to every client meeting, business dinner, etc, *when we are on travel.* Not when we are in DC taking meetings or events. And yes business negotiation happens during these travel dinners and meetings. No one else has spouses at them.

Honestly, the location doesn't matter, whether at home in DC or not. He shouldn't be letting her, an outside 3rd party, tag along at meetings. This would be completely unethical, inappropriate, and unheard of at our work. I'm shocked no one has talked to him about this.

[Anonymous]

Who’s with their kids when she accompanies him on work trips? Do you know if this is something she’s always done, or did it start up when he started traveling with you?

[Anonymous]

What industry is this that this is allowed? A non employee would never be able to attend any events or meetings at any place Ive worked as you’d need to show a badge to even attend. How is she able to sit at business meetings when she’s not an employee? Does she just smile and nod the whole time? This is so weird

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What industry is this that this is allowed? A non employee would never be able to attend any events or meetings at any place Ive worked as you’d need to show a badge to even attend. How is she able to sit at business meetings when she’s not an employee? Does she just smile and nod the whole time? This is so weird

Sounds like computer shows and sale trades?

[Anonymous]

Mmmmm something about your description seems off. I mean, yes, a spouse attending a ton of business meetings and hanging all over her husband is super weird. But your concerns all seem... personal. Should you "ignore her" or "be her BFF" - "I don't want her man" it's "making you uncomfortable" "she thinks we're buddies but we're not"...

I feel like if you were presenting this factually, your questions and concerns would be professional. More along the lines of "She attends customer meetings, and I can tell the customers are uncomfortable with this - these are important events for developing client relationships, and he's leaving a bad impression" or "often these green room times are chances to catch up with key industry professionals who are also there, and he knows them, but instead of introducing me, he's talking with his wife" or "we often need to strategize before we meet, but instead his focus is split and I feel like we're heading into meetings unprepared?" etc, etc, etc. If there are professional problems, spell them out, and we can help you navigate.

But your concerns seem personal. You wish she wasn't there because you like your boss, he's a friend and colleague, you like spending time with him, and you don't like her - she's ruining the vibe. Note: this doesn't have to be nefarious or imply that you want to bang him. I think we all have friends whose company we prefer without their spouse, particularly if their spouse is a dud. But then call a spade a spade. You don't like her, and she makes these trips less pleasant for you.

That's a bummer, but also not a problem you should "fix" - the answer is to treat her warmly, be professional in professional settings, pleasant in less personal situations (like on the airplane) and excuse yourself when you tire of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Politely ask the boss's boss how to navigate the situation with respect to business secrets and client relationships.

This would be a good approach. If this happened in my industry, my boss' boss would want to know because it exposes our business to a lot of risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What industry is this that this is allowed? A non employee would never be able to attend any events or meetings at any place Ive worked as you’d need to show a badge to even attend. How is she able to sit at business meetings when she’s not an employee? Does she just smile and nod the whole time? This is so weird

Sounds like computer shows and sale trades?

Not if they're selling B2B products. A spouse should not be allowed in these meetings for confidentiality reasons. My DH and I both work in sales (B2B) and there is no way this would be allowed by either of our employers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mmmmm something about your description seems off. I mean, yes, a spouse attending a ton of business meetings and hanging all over her husband is super weird. But your concerns all seem... personal. Should you "ignore her" or "be her BFF" - "I don't want her man" it's "making you uncomfortable" "she thinks we're buddies but we're not"...

I feel like if you were presenting this factually, your questions and concerns would be professional. More along the lines of "She attends customer meetings, and I can tell the customers are uncomfortable with this - these are important events for developing client relationships, and he's leaving a bad impression" or "often these green room times are chances to catch up with key industry professionals who are also there, and he knows them, but instead of introducing me, he's talking with his wife" or "we often need to strategize before we meet, but instead his focus is split and I feel like we're heading into meetings unprepared?" etc, etc, etc. If there are professional problems, spell them out, and we can help you navigate.

But your concerns seem personal. You wish she wasn't there because you like your boss, he's a friend and colleague, you like spending time with him, and you don't like her - she's ruining the vibe. Note: this doesn't have to be nefarious or imply that you want to bang him. I think we all have friends whose company we prefer without their spouse, particularly if their spouse is a dud. But then call a spade a spade. You don't like her, and she makes these trips less pleasant for you.

That's a bummer, but also not a problem you should "fix" - the answer is to treat her warmly, be professional in professional settings, pleasant in less personal situations (like on the airplane) and excuse yourself when you tire of her.

NP and I don't think it's necessarily that complicated. I would NOT want anyone who doesn't have a business reason to be in a sales meeting or business meeting there. It's not about the vibe with the boss, it's about the person ruining the vibe with the CLIENT and making my company look unprofessional, which could potentially cost me the account and my job.

[Anonymous]

I highly doubt this person is bringing the spouse to a client business meeting. Social dinner at a conference? Sure.

I have tagged along to a lot of business travel. If we have the kids, I just do my own thing with the kids and DH joins us when he can. I have been to many conferences. I know a lot of the wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt this person is bringing the spouse to a client business meeting. Social dinner at a conference? Sure.

I have tagged along to a lot of business travel. If we have the kids, I just do my own thing with the kids and DH joins us when he can. I have been to many conferences. I know a lot of the wives.

OP said "His wife comes to every meeting, conference, work event, showcase, etc, even when there is travel involved, which makes it awkward for me at times. She’s always there! We have business meetings on site with customers and she’s there. "

[Anonymous]

So, OP works for Pete Hegseth?

[Anonymous]

That’s super weird. What industry is this? At best, she’s lonely with no real work or interests of her own. Are there kids still at home? At worst, she’s insecure, jealous, and controlling. What do your colleagues say, if anything? Either way, poor judgement on your boss’s part to allow her presence at professional dinners where business is being conducted.