Wife doesn't want a funeral

[Anonymous]

Neither DH nor I want one. We want a small celebration of life with close family and friends only.

[Anonymous]

Funerals are a whole lot of money. A simple cremation and maybe get the family together for dinner is more than enough for many people.

[Anonymous]

My husband’s aunt didn’t have one for her husband when he passed, and honestly it felt like something was missing.

I personally think that they are important. Cultures all over the world and throughout history have had rituals around death and grieving. I think it’s an important thing for humans to experience to help move through the grieving process.

It’s harder now that so many people live far away from their loved ones though. And in general, I think Americans handle death and grieving poorly. So people skipping funerals is definitely something that happens. I don’t like it though.

[Anonymous]

At the risk of stating the obvious:

1. Some people are in shock or simply not equipped to mourn publicly.

2. Funerals are ridiculously expensive.

3. Some people have family issues or perhaps simply don’t think people will show up.

I know a number of people who have opted for a celebration of life at another time. Some simply cremated, while others did have a private ceremony at a cemetery.

I’m a cradle catholic, and I see value in the closure your loved ones get by having a proper funeral service (whatever that may be). I think I’ll suggest cremation, a funeral mass, and a celebration of life at home with food and drinks—heavy on the desserts since that’s my jam.

If I have the wherewithal to have a hand in planning it, I would love a surprise pop up band akin to the scene in Love Actually—at the end of the wedding (not the actual funeral one). You know, something unexpected, upbeat, and fun to lighten the mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1 as someone who doesn't want a funeral. If it were legal, I'd be ok with dumping my body in the river. Funerals and graves are such an absurd waste of money.

Donate your body to the state medical board. They'll ultimately cremate your body for free and send your loved ones the cremains.

[Anonymous]

I don’t want a funeral either. If DH or someone else close to me died suddenly, the thought of hosting an event, having to talk to people, listen to their condolences and see the pity on their faces would not e something I’d want to deal with.

[Anonymous]

As a person who's always felt tolerated rather than accepted, I don't want a funeral. Either no one besides my husband and kids would be there or people who never really cared about me when I was alive (including my own parents if they outlive me) would come and be hypocrites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they do not want one. It is their loved one, they get to choose. MYOB.

This I hate funerals. They feel forced and fake and o don’t go to church so we even bother? No one wants to go to funerals either.

[Anonymous]

Though DH and I knew he was dying, we never discussed funerals. He was cremated shortly after his death.

One of the many changes that came with covid was a move to memorial services held at some later time following a death. With time to think, I decided to hold a memorial event about three months after his death.

I was surprised and moved by the number of people who attended. As a result, DH's children and grandchildren can now remember the event, including memories and stories they wouldn't have known otherwise. For myself, I did find the event stressful, but ultimately comforting.

I think people should do what they want to do. I'd also suggest remembering that funerals are for the living, and coming together to recognize and grieve a friend can be a powerful, healing experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s aunt didn’t have one for her husband when he passed, and honestly it felt like something was missing.

I personally think that they are important. Cultures all over the world and throughout history have had rituals around death and grieving. I think it’s an important thing for humans to experience to help move through the grieving process.

It’s harder now that so many people live far away from their loved ones though. And in general, I think Americans handle death and grieving poorly. So people skipping funerals is definitely something that happens. I don’t like it though.

+1. My mom died earlyish and I didn’t want to have a funeral because it felt unnecessary and too overwhelming. My dad insisted on it though. In the end, even though it was emotionally exhausting I was glad we did it, both for us and for her. It was meaningful to have that closure and felt more respectful of her life. I’ve since been to some funerals in various other cultures around the world where it’s a really big deal - the whole village turns out, people stay up
all night with the family holding the body and wailing, etc. I think American funerals are sterile and lonely by comparison.

At any rate, in this situation, it’s the family’s choice, and none of your business…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does it mean when someone dies young (50s) and the wife doesn't want a funeral?

The person served in the military for 25+ years and died suddenly on vacation. I suspected suic*de but my husband doesn't think it's likely.

Is it common when someone doesn't want to talk about how or why someone died that they avoid a funeral?

Is suicide a bad word?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does it mean when someone dies young (50s) and the wife doesn't want a funeral?

The person served in the military for 25+ years and died suddenly on vacation. I suspected suic*de but my husband doesn't think it's likely.

Is it common when someone doesn't want to talk about how or why someone died that they avoid a funeral?

I mean, OP, you want to gossip about it so bad you went on DCUM and created a post. If you are representative of the type of person who would be attending the funeral, then, yes, I think it makes sense for the widow to decide she would rather grieve privately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s aunt didn’t have one for her husband when he passed, and honestly it felt like something was missing.

I personally think that they are important. Cultures all over the world and throughout history have had rituals around death and grieving. I think it’s an important thing for humans to experience to help move through the grieving process.

It’s harder now that so many people live far away from their loved ones though. And in general, I think Americans handle death and grieving poorly. So people skipping funerals is definitely something that happens. I don’t like it though.

Agreed. I think the move away from having funerals goes hand in hand with the American tendency to try to deny death. I think it'll be really interesting to see how this plays out as more Baby Boomers pass away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1 as someone who doesn't want a funeral. If it were legal, I'd be ok with dumping my body in the river. Funerals and graves are such an absurd waste of money.

+1 except leave me on a hillside for the vultures.

[Anonymous]

The cost of a traditional funeral is exorbitant. It’s on the order of $30k. That might be a reason.