Who is the narcissist in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

Nobody's a narcissist. Brenda needs to move out and mom needs to sell the house and move somewhere more affordable and appropriate. Obviously Brenda has no intention to take care of her and the mom is not getting any younger. 2nd story addition is not comparable to a house with a yard etc., mom had everything she needed. It was a stupid idea to build the addition. Joan was obviously hoping she'd be taken care of, but in the end, Brenda just ended up using her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not see anything there that is narcissistic- just a bad situation sharing a house. Why can’t they sell the house - get mom a retirement place and the daughter and family get their own place?

That's not a bad idea. But I think that maybe they wouldn't be able to afford to both get a retirement place AND a new home for Brenda's family from the sale of the house.

Then they can move to apartments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody's a narcissist. Brenda needs to move out and mom needs to sell the house and move somewhere more affordable and appropriate. Obviously Brenda has no intention to take care of her and the mom is not getting any younger. 2nd story addition is not comparable to a house with a yard etc., mom had everything she needed. It was a stupid idea to build the addition. Joan was obviously hoping she'd be taken care of, but in the end, Brenda just ended up using her.

+1

[Anonymous]

What moron decided this was a good idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who paid for all the additions?
Who is on the deed? Mortgages?
Brenda is a taker who now doesn't want to give.

But Brenda was a primary caregiver for many years. She just got fed up, especially when the burden started falling on her own kids.

As for the house: The house first was owned by Joan with a mortgage. Then Brenda's name was added to the deed. Then, Joan's name was taken off the deed and the house was put in Brenda's and her husband's name. They paid for the additions, likely through a home equity loan. They are still paying off the loans on the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who paid for all the additions?
Who is on the deed? Mortgages?
Brenda is a taker who now doesn't want to give.

But Brenda was a primary caregiver for many years. She just got fed up, especially when the burden started falling on her own kids.

As for the house: The house first was owned by Joan with a mortgage. Then Brenda's name was added to the deed. Then, Joan's name was taken off the deed and the house was put in Brenda's and her husband's name. They paid for the additions, likely through a home equity loan. They are still paying off the loans on the house.

Hi Brenda!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who paid for all the additions?
Who is on the deed? Mortgages?
Brenda is a taker who now doesn't want to give.

But Brenda was a primary caregiver for many years. She just got fed up, especially when the burden started falling on her own kids.

As for the house: The house first was owned by Joan with a mortgage. Then Brenda's name was added to the deed. Then, Joan's name was taken off the deed and the house was put in Brenda's and her husband's name. They paid for the additions, likely through a home equity loan. They are still paying off the loans on the house.

Hi Brenda!

It was supposed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Brenda had terrible credit and lots of debt that needed to be paid off. Getting on the mortgage for the house with her mom eventually helped her improve her credit and financially recover, and living with her allowed her to save up. When Brenda got married, that's when they decided on the 2nd story solution with her husband and her moving into the 2nd floor. Joan's name got taken off, Brenda's husband name got added to the deed, and they took out a loan to do the addition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who paid for all the additions?
Who is on the deed? Mortgages?
Brenda is a taker who now doesn't want to give.

But Brenda was a primary caregiver for many years. She just got fed up, especially when the burden started falling on her own kids.

As for the house: The house first was owned by Joan with a mortgage. Then Brenda's name was added to the deed. Then, Joan's name was taken off the deed and the house was put in Brenda's and her husband's name. They paid for the additions, likely through a home equity loan. They are still paying off the loans on the house.

Hi Brenda!

It was supposed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Brenda had terrible credit and lots of debt that needed to be paid off. Getting on the mortgage for the house with her mom eventually helped her improve her credit and financially recover, and living with her allowed her to save up. When Brenda got married, that's when they decided on the 2nd story solution with her husband and her moving into the 2nd floor. Joan's name got taken off, Brenda's husband name got added to the deed, and they took out a loan to do the addition.

Does Brenda plan to give her mother any money after the sale of the home!

I don’t see any obvious narcissists here, just people who’ve made bad choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like another cultural problem. This is why multi family households is not part of the American dream.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who paid for all the additions?
Who is on the deed? Mortgages?
Brenda is a taker who now doesn't want to give.

But Brenda was a primary caregiver for many years. She just got fed up, especially when the burden started falling on her own kids.

As for the house: The house first was owned by Joan with a mortgage. Then Brenda's name was added to the deed. Then, Joan's name was taken off the deed and the house was put in Brenda's and her husband's name. They paid for the additions, likely through a home equity loan. They are still paying off the loans on the house.

Hi Brenda!

It was supposed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Brenda had terrible credit and lots of debt that needed to be paid off. Getting on the mortgage for the house with her mom eventually helped her improve her credit and financially recover, and living with her allowed her to save up. When Brenda got married, that's when they decided on the 2nd story solution with her husband and her moving into the 2nd floor. Joan's name got taken off, Brenda's husband name got added to the deed, and they took out a loan to do the addition.

Does Brenda plan to give her mother any money after the sale of the home!

I don’t see any obvious narcissists here, just people who’ve made bad choices.

I don't know. Should she? Probably not? The mixed finances are a mess. Joan was the original owner, who paid a mortgage for like 8 years. Then Brenda became part owner, and they both paid towards the house for about 4 years. Although I think Brenda paid very little. And then they took out another loan for the addition, which Brenda and her husband took on payments for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like another cultural problem. This is why multi family households is not part of the American dream.

+1

Not multicultural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like another cultural problem. This is why multi family households is not part of the American dream.

+1

Not multicultural.

Nobody said multi cultural but this is not American culture. Definitely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who paid for all the additions?
Who is on the deed? Mortgages?
Brenda is a taker who now doesn't want to give.

But Brenda was a primary caregiver for many years. She just got fed up, especially when the burden started falling on her own kids.

As for the house: The house first was owned by Joan with a mortgage. Then Brenda's name was added to the deed. Then, Joan's name was taken off the deed and the house was put in Brenda's and her husband's name. They paid for the additions, likely through a home equity loan. They are still paying off the loans on the house.

Hi Brenda!

It was supposed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Brenda had terrible credit and lots of debt that needed to be paid off. Getting on the mortgage for the house with her mom eventually helped her improve her credit and financially recover, and living with her allowed her to save up. When Brenda got married, that's when they decided on the 2nd story solution with her husband and her moving into the 2nd floor. Joan's name got taken off, Brenda's husband name got added to the deed, and they took out a loan to do the addition.

Sounds like Brenda has a long history of bad decision making. Shocker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who paid for all the additions?
Who is on the deed? Mortgages?
Brenda is a taker who now doesn't want to give.

But Brenda was a primary caregiver for many years. She just got fed up, especially when the burden started falling on her own kids.

As for the house: The house first was owned by Joan with a mortgage. Then Brenda's name was added to the deed. Then, Joan's name was taken off the deed and the house was put in Brenda's and her husband's name. They paid for the additions, likely through a home equity loan. They are still paying off the loans on the house.

Hi Brenda!

It was supposed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Brenda had terrible credit and lots of debt that needed to be paid off. Getting on the mortgage for the house with her mom eventually helped her improve her credit and financially recover, and living with her allowed her to save up. When Brenda got married, that's when they decided on the 2nd story solution with her husband and her moving into the 2nd floor. Joan's name got taken off, Brenda's husband name got added to the deed, and they took out a loan to do the addition.

Does Brenda plan to give her mother any money after the sale of the home!

I don’t see any obvious narcissists here, just people who’ve made bad choices.

I don't know. Should she? Probably not? The mixed finances are a mess. Joan was the original owner, who paid a mortgage for like 8 years. Then Brenda became part owner, and they both paid towards the house for about 4 years. Although I think Brenda paid very little. And then they took out another loan for the addition, which Brenda and her husband took on payments for.

I didn’t mean to use an exclamation point, but of course Joan would be owed money on the sale, otherwise she just gave Brenda and her husband a house for free. If the arrangement was that she would give them the house but she gets to live there until she passes, then at least that was somewhat of a plan, but if Brenda wants Joan out she should have to buy her and - and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

I got chills when I read that Joan’s name is no longer on the title but the husband’s is. Joan is in a scary situation. I hope it goes ok for her. Never give up the title!