Do you feel attractive still but your spouse has no interest in you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My xH was like this. I’ve always been a solid 8 for my age, I get plenty of attention from other men, yet he never had any interest in me. And yea, it absolutely kills your soul.

Is your spouse male or female? Overall they lose interest for different reasons.

This for me too. It was awful. He would tell me I was his hot wife, but never seemed turned on my me.

My boyfriend now, though, enjoys the hell out of me and it feels good.

This is my life right now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess shallow people attract shallow people. If all you care about is that he / she is a 9, then find someone else for whom that is also all that matters. And stick to hook ups rather than relationships. Why marry if looks are all the matters? Just find someone who doesn't care about anything except how hot you are and will fawn over your looks.

Most people care about personality and values and integrity and beliefs and attitudes and responsibilities and how people treat others when looking for a spouse and being an 8 or a 9 doesn't really do much beyond getting your foot in the door and finding someone to have sex with you even if you aren't a good or nice person.

Putting too much emphasis on your looks and wanting your partner to find you attractive, are two totally separate things. Part of enjoying sex is knowing that my husband desires me. I don’t feel like he does. We still do have sex, but he has become such a beta and it doesn’t feel like he “wants” me. If he were an old boyfriend, this would be my time to break up with him, but it’s more complicated in a 20+ year marriage. So, it’s not so much about my ego, but about my sex life (which then relates to my ego, but is not exactly the same thing). Having an active, strong, sex life is important to me, and I thought it was important to him, but apparently I was wrong…that is just not possible in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My xH was like this. I’ve always been a solid 8 for my age, I get plenty of attention from other men, yet he never had any interest in me. And yea, it absolutely kills your soul.

Is your spouse male or female? Overall they lose interest for different reasons.

Are you with someone now that appreciates you?

Ha, yes. He’s 16 years younger than my xH, a solid 9, athletic, last night we were up until 2am going multiple rounds. Love that guy.

The way you enumerate your worth and his so readily is weird. Do you also assign numerical value to your cat? Your friends?

[Anonymous]

My ex wife made me feel very unattractive. After we split up, the responses I got on Bumble and Hinge made me realize I wasn't hideous, and the follow up I got from many of those women made me realize that I've actually got a lot going for me. Marriage was soul sucking for me.

[Anonymous]

Its ok. I get hit on all the time but it's cobwebs with DH. Don't seek validation from your spouse. Flirt for a quick dopamine hit bit mostly work on yourself. I think maybe that's why i look so good? Just a lot of time for self care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so demoralizing.

Don’t know yours situation, but it’s also demoralizing to be married w kids to an a-hole you’d never want to sleep with again ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess shallow people attract shallow people. If all you care about is that he / she is a 9, then find someone else for whom that is also all that matters. And stick to hook ups rather than relationships. Why marry if looks are all the matters? Just find someone who doesn't care about anything except how hot you are and will fawn over your looks.

Most people care about personality and values and integrity and beliefs and attitudes and responsibilities and how people treat others when looking for a spouse and being an 8 or a 9 doesn't really do much beyond getting your foot in the door and finding someone to have sex with you even if you aren't a good or nice person.

Putting too much emphasis on your looks and wanting your partner to find you attractive, are two totally separate things. Part of enjoying sex is knowing that my husband desires me. I don’t feel like he does. We still do have sex, but he has become such a beta and it doesn’t feel like he “wants” me. If he were an old boyfriend, this would be my time to break up with him, but it’s more complicated in a 20+ year marriage. So, it’s not so much about my ego, but about my sex life (which then relates to my ego, but is not exactly the same thing). Having an active, strong, sex life is important to me, and I thought it was important to him, but apparently I was wrong…that is just not possible in this situation.

You are calling him a beta so it doesn't really seem like you desire him that much or appreciate him either. That isn't a term that says my guy is so attractive to me and I let him know it every day.

[Anonymous]

I think when men stop wanting to have sex with their wives are mentally unwell. Don’t blame yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think when men stop wanting to have sex with their wives are mentally unwell. Don’t blame yourself

Yes in my situation DH is medically mentally unwell, medicated, and we haven't had any action in a decade.

[Anonymous]

OP are you very attentive with your spouse? Sometimes we may not notice the things we do or don’t do that cause our partners to act in certain ways towards us. Are you on your phone all the time, not having date nights or spending quality time? Maybe your spouse is bored or adapting to being ignored by you. The best way to find out is to talk to him/her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My xH was like this. I’ve always been a solid 8 for my age, I get plenty of attention from other men, yet he never had any interest in me. And yea, it absolutely kills your soul.

Is your spouse male or female? Overall they lose interest for different reasons.

PP here. Female partner.

Men will sacrifice their happiness for their marriage and family. Women will sacrifice their marriage and family for their happiness.

Hmm. Exact opposite for people I know and all the books I read about cheating and divorce. It’s mostly the men who are abandoning their family for the decade+ younger secretary/coworker. Hell, most of them ending up writing the lids out of their will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess shallow people attract shallow people. If all you care about is that he / she is a 9, then find someone else for whom that is also all that matters. And stick to hook ups rather than relationships. Why marry if looks are all the matters? Just find someone who doesn't care about anything except how hot you are and will fawn over your looks.

Most people care about personality and values and integrity and beliefs and attitudes and responsibilities and how people treat others when looking for a spouse and being an 8 or a 9 doesn't really do much beyond getting your foot in the door and finding someone to have sex with you even if you aren't a good or nice person.

Putting too much emphasis on your looks and wanting your partner to find you attractive, are two totally separate things. Part of enjoying sex is knowing that my husband desires me. I don’t feel like he does. We still do have sex, but he has become such a beta and it doesn’t feel like he “wants” me. If he were an old boyfriend, this would be my time to break up with him, but it’s more complicated in a 20+ year marriage. So, it’s not so much about my ego, but about my sex life (which then relates to my ego, but is not exactly the same thing). Having an active, strong, sex life is important to me, and I thought it was important to him, but apparently I was wrong…that is just not possible in this situation.

This is my story with my fiancé right now. She is 42 and I am close to 45. I have high sex drive and we do sex 1-2x a week but looks like she is taking one for the team. Discussed this a few times and she told me it is due to her low sex drive, type 2 and gaining weight (190 lbs at 5'2). I met her 3 years ago and sex drive and everything including desire was fine so not sure if she is getting comfortable with time or just lost interest. Say nice, lovely and romantic things but very vanilla in sex and either don't cum(with sex, herself or toy) and blames her high sugar for it. Not sure what the truth is but I am thinking about breaking up with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My xH was like this. I’ve always been a solid 8 for my age, I get plenty of attention from other men, yet he never had any interest in me. And yea, it absolutely kills your soul.

Is your spouse male or female? Overall they lose interest for different reasons.

I imagine you are a solid 8 on the outside, but your husband sees you as a solid 2/3 on the inside. There are consequences to emasculating your husband for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its ok. I get hit on all the time but it's cobwebs with DH. Don't seek validation from your spouse. Flirt for a quick dopamine hit bit mostly work on yourself. I think maybe that's why i look so good? Just a lot of time for self care

Your post explains why he isn’t into you, men lose all respect for their spouse when they flirt with other men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My xH was like this. I’ve always been a solid 8 for my age, I get plenty of attention from other men, yet he never had any interest in me. And yea, it absolutely kills your soul.

Is your spouse male or female? Overall they lose interest for different reasons.

PP here. Female partner.

Men will sacrifice their happiness for their marriage and family. Women will sacrifice their marriage and family for their happiness.

Hmm. Exact opposite for people I know and all the books I read about cheating and divorce. It’s mostly the men who are abandoning their family for the decade+ younger secretary/coworker. Hell, most of them ending up writing the lids out of their will.

Yep, it goes against all statistical evidence about men’s behavior especially about things like the high rate at which they abandon their spouse when she gets sick.