Secret Depression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m that SAHM who everyone thinks does it all. I volunteer, I help with homework, I pay bills, I make dinner and I handle all of the house chores. I also have raised really good teenagers who I adore.
The problem is, I’m depressed. When everyone leaves the house to go to school and work, I pretend to do things, but actually crawl back in bed. Sometimes I stay in bed for hours, sleeping or scrolling on my phone. I am on Zoloft and I have a therapist, and can’t even describe what is wrong with me. I will lay in bed for hours and then get dressed and go to one of my child’s high school sporting events and act like I’ve had a normal day. I know that exercise makes me feel better but yet I fell off the wagon once again with that.

Is anyone else on this boat? Anyone have any great advice? There’s nothing physically wrong with me, I’ve been to regular appointments and gotten bloodwork and all of that.. I just love my bed!

This was me exactly. I found 2 to 3 part time jobs (all flexible and easy commitments), and a big volunteer ‘job.’

I looked for one, but they all came together and have opposite days and hours. So I took them all.

I’m so happy now. I felt like no one needed me, before, so what was the point in trying to accomplish much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sorts of things do you like to do? What do you enjoy? Often times, depression is structural. It is deeply depressing to look after a family all day and have nothing for yourself.

That is so true. I am grateful to SAH but my whole life is facilitating the lives of others. It’s a bit depressing. I don’t even know what I like anymore.

Yup. It's depressing. I've always been able to see my 5 year vision and lately, it's just gone. I don't honestly know whether it is my age/part of life or the fact that nothing in the US seems predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m that SAHM who everyone thinks does it all. I volunteer, I help with homework, I pay bills, I make dinner and I handle all of the house chores. I also have raised really good teenagers who I adore.
The problem is, I’m depressed. When everyone leaves the house to go to school and work, I pretend to do things, but actually crawl back in bed. Sometimes I stay in bed for hours, sleeping or scrolling on my phone. I am on Zoloft and I have a therapist, and can’t even describe what is wrong with me. I will lay in bed for hours and then get dressed and go to one of my child’s high school sporting events and act like I’ve had a normal day. I know that exercise makes me feel better but yet I fell off the wagon once again with that.

Is anyone else on this boat? Anyone have any great advice? There’s nothing physically wrong with me, I’ve been to regular appointments and gotten bloodwork and all of that.. I just love my bed!

This was me exactly. I found 2 to 3 part time jobs (all flexible and easy commitments), and a big volunteer ‘job.’

I looked for one, but they all came together and have opposite days and hours. So I took them all.

I’m so happy now. I felt like no one needed me, before, so what was the point in trying to accomplish much?

How do you manage that with the stress and time of being the main parent? My DH is great but it’s no different when he is home vs away - I am 100% the main caretaker and handle everything. He has a good job and makes money to afford our life, so no complaints- but I can’t imagine a job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sorts of things do you like to do? What do you enjoy? Often times, depression is structural. It is deeply depressing to look after a family all day and have nothing for yourself.

That is so true. I am grateful to SAH but my whole life is facilitating the lives of others. It’s a bit depressing. I don’t even know what I like anymore.

Our economy is structured in a way that makes people disconnected from communities. Can you try a volunteer job or two? People would love to have your help. It might make you feel more motivated.

I should be content with my life, and I don't take meds. But I am anxious a lot. Sleep and comfy p.j.'s are my uncomplicated escape as well.

PP. I reread and see you said you volunteer. Maybe you need to switch to a more enjoyable opportunity. Or a more meaningful one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you told your therapist how you feel? The Zoloft doesn’t appear to be the right drug if you can’t get out of bed most days.

True - I just love that it doesn’t have side effects. I use it more for anxiety which it helps with a lot.

You think that until you try and come off of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you told your therapist how you feel? The Zoloft doesn’t appear to be the right drug if you can’t get out of bed most days.

True - I just love that it doesn’t have side effects. I use it more for anxiety which it helps with a lot.

You think that until you try and come off of it.

What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

Premenopause. Check out hormones if you haven’t done so already.

[Anonymous]

You need some structure to your day - not necessarily a job or a volunteer position.

My only input would be to just invest in your health. Do a bunch of activities - walking, aqua fitness, dance class - but with a bunch of different friends. Piece all of this in a way that you can have the routine of an hour's worth of activity, but also socialize.

Other than that...putting nap time and netflix time in your schedule is also very valid.

There is nothing wrong with you. Your adrenal fatigue of many years caught up with you. You can get away with being a slug - so you are behaving like a slug. That's all there is to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m that SAHM who everyone thinks does it all. I volunteer, I help with homework, I pay bills, I make dinner and I handle all of the house chores. I also have raised really good teenagers who I adore.
The problem is, I’m depressed. When everyone leaves the house to go to school and work, I pretend to do things, but actually crawl back in bed. Sometimes I stay in bed for hours, sleeping or scrolling on my phone. I am on Zoloft and I have a therapist, and can’t even describe what is wrong with me. I will lay in bed for hours and then get dressed and go to one of my child’s high school sporting events and act like I’ve had a normal day. I know that exercise makes me feel better but yet I fell off the wagon once again with that.

Is anyone else on this boat? Anyone have any great advice? There’s nothing physically wrong with me, I’ve been to regular appointments and gotten bloodwork and all of that.. I just love my bed!

This was me exactly. I found 2 to 3 part time jobs (all flexible and easy commitments), and a big volunteer ‘job.’

I looked for one, but they all came together and have opposite days and hours. So I took them all.

I’m so happy now. I felt like no one needed me, before, so what was the point in trying to accomplish much?

How do you manage that with the stress and time of being the main parent? My DH is great but it’s no different when he is home vs away - I am 100% the main caretaker and handle everything. He has a good job and makes money to afford our life, so no complaints- but I can’t imagine a job!

All 4 jobs work with kids. School-based (not all), and largely school times and dates (not all).

It’s not glamorous. But it’s so much better for me at this time.

Choose one job that is part time and school-focused. If you wanted to add more, you could. That’s not the point. It’s good to have to get dressed and pretty for *anything.* I also made a chore system for my family to better share all the house jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need some structure to your day - not necessarily a job or a volunteer position.

My only input would be to just invest in your health. Do a bunch of activities - walking, aqua fitness, dance class - but with a bunch of different friends. Piece all of this in a way that you can have the routine of an hour's worth of activity, but also socialize.

Other than that...putting nap time and netflix time in your schedule is also very valid.

There is nothing wrong with you. Your adrenal fatigue of many years caught up with you. You can get away with being a slug - so you are behaving like a slug. That's all there is to it.

This is so true. Maybe I'm not depressed I am just so. dang. TIRED. Adrenal fatigue for sure

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way, but I have a job, do I just lay down when I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m that SAHM who everyone thinks does it all. I volunteer, I help with homework, I pay bills, I make dinner and I handle all of the house chores. I also have raised really good teenagers who I adore.
The problem is, I’m depressed. When everyone leaves the house to go to school and work, I pretend to do things, but actually crawl back in bed. Sometimes I stay in bed for hours, sleeping or scrolling on my phone. I am on Zoloft and I have a therapist, and can’t even describe what is wrong with me. I will lay in bed for hours and then get dressed and go to one of my child’s high school sporting events and act like I’ve had a normal day. I know that exercise makes me feel better but yet I fell off the wagon once again with that.

Is anyone else on this boat? Anyone have any great advice? There’s nothing physically wrong with me, I’ve been to regular appointments and gotten bloodwork and all of that.. I just love my bed!

This was me exactly. I found 2 to 3 part time jobs (all flexible and easy commitments), and a big volunteer ‘job.’

I looked for one, but they all came together and have opposite days and hours. So I took them all.

I’m so happy now. I felt like no one needed me, before, so what was the point in trying to accomplish much?

How do you manage that with the stress and time of being the main parent? My DH is great but it’s no different when he is home vs away - I am 100% the main caretaker and handle everything. He has a good job and makes money to afford our life, so no complaints- but I can’t imagine a job!

I’m a single parent with FT custody and two jobs. One FT (teacher) one PT. There’s something to be said for not having a choice. Sounds like you have way too much time on your hands. Get a FT job and outsource. My second job is as an after school driver/nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m that SAHM who everyone thinks does it all. I volunteer, I help with homework, I pay bills, I make dinner and I handle all of the house chores. I also have raised really good teenagers who I adore.
The problem is, I’m depressed. When everyone leaves the house to go to school and work, I pretend to do things, but actually crawl back in bed. Sometimes I stay in bed for hours, sleeping or scrolling on my phone. I am on Zoloft and I have a therapist, and can’t even describe what is wrong with me. I will lay in bed for hours and then get dressed and go to one of my child’s high school sporting events and act like I’ve had a normal day. I know that exercise makes me feel better but yet I fell off the wagon once again with that.

Is anyone else on this boat? Anyone have any great advice? There’s nothing physically wrong with me, I’ve been to regular appointments and gotten bloodwork and all of that.. I just love my bed!

This was me exactly. I found 2 to 3 part time jobs (all flexible and easy commitments), and a big volunteer ‘job.’

I looked for one, but they all came together and have opposite days and hours. So I took them all.

I’m so happy now. I felt like no one needed me, before, so what was the point in trying to accomplish much?

How do you manage that with the stress and time of being the main parent? My DH is great but it’s no different when he is home vs away - I am 100% the main caretaker and handle everything. He has a good job and makes money to afford our life, so no complaints- but I can’t imagine a job!

I’m a single parent with FT custody and two jobs. One FT (teacher) one PT. There’s something to be said for not having a choice. Sounds like you have way too much time on your hands. Get a FT job and outsource. My second job is as an after school driver/nanny.

OP here and I totally agree with that... I am in a situation that allows me the comfort of being depressed, and if I were in a much worse financial spot I wouldn't have the luxury. That isn't lost on me, which makes me feel even more guilty and like a big old lazy nothing!

[Anonymous]

No advice but maybe we should be friends. In a similar boat. It’s the lack of community. Trust me, my job didn’t make a difference. It just made life way harder. I need friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am also a SAHM, and I have been re-learning how to prioritize myself. Being in a role where you are constantly monitoring other people's needs and reacting to the environment around you gets you out of the habit of being proactive. I also think that so many years of stress adds up and your nervous system is just exhausted. Not feeling appreciated for the invisible aspects of the job is hard, too.

When people say - wow you need a job - I get very frustrated. I have been "on call" for years, and the last thing I want is to feel obligated to a company.

Maybe try thinking about what your core values are, what things bring you joy, and what excites you. I had to learn to dream again for myself. That said, I have no regrets being a full time mom.

We all have adrenal fatigue.

Op isn’t happy. Believe it or not having a job during the day does give some of us a sense of purpose and YES we also have to cook dinner and drive our kids to sports. I have nothing against SAHMs, I was one for 10 years when my kids were little, but don’t pretend that resting for 5-6 hours 5 days a week is more important for you than any other parent.