Having a really hard time with sorting out my priorities when it comes to RTO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How stable is your marriage?

Stable. Obviously no guarantees in life, but no major issues. My husband is supportive of me staying home while the kids are young if I want to and agrees three days a week with my commute would be too much for me and our family.

[Anonymous]

I get that this is difficult for OP. But it’s really hard to remain empathetic to these wealthy posters who come from wealthy families when there are so many people with significantly fewer resources and support systems just trying to stay afloat these days.

In OP’s case if you’re not able to negotiate more wfh or find a new team with flexibility I would ask if you could take a leave of absence and see how it goes not working until your kids are a little older.

[Anonymous]

Happened to me, and I quit. Life is too short for staying at a job that changes the rules and doesn’t value its workers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that this is difficult for OP. But it’s really hard to remain empathetic to these wealthy posters who come from wealthy families when there are so many people with significantly fewer resources and support systems just trying to stay afloat these days.

In OP’s case if you’re not able to negotiate more wfh or find a new team with flexibility I would ask if you could take a leave of absence and see how it goes not working until your kids are a little older.

Op here. I know and recognize that. I think at the end of the day everyone is navigating less flexibility at work and raising kids. I recognize that I have a safety net which is very fortunate, and I think about it all the time especially in regards to my son with ADHD who has needed a lot of expensive support. I wish a lot of systems were better and that it was easier for everyone to have a career while having kids. I’m sorry if this post feels hard for you to empathize with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With 375k income and grandparents paying for college, you can afford to walk away.

100%. OP I’d quit and not look back. You’ll never get this time back. You can work again later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With 375k income and grandparents paying for college, you can afford to walk away.

100%. OP I’d quit and not look back. You’ll never get this time back. You can work again later.

I agree but would also start looking right away for something more part time or flexible, because it is harder to get a job once you’ve been away for a while.
And honestly you’ll probably miss having the nanny if you plan to full time SAH.

[Anonymous]

Definitely look for something else AND negotiate to one day in office at the same time in current role. The new job doesn't have to be perfect; it just has to be work from home or a close commute. I'd strongly suggest staying in the job market in some capacity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that this is difficult for OP. But it’s really hard to remain empathetic to these wealthy posters who come from wealthy families when there are so many people with significantly fewer resources and support systems just trying to stay afloat these days.

In OP’s case if you’re not able to negotiate more wfh or find a new team with flexibility I would ask if you could take a leave of absence and see how it goes not working until your kids are a little older.

+1. We make 130k COMBINED and I know it's my fault for not hustling and not marrying a more promising guy, but it's still hard to muster up sympathy. I feel like quitting is a no Brainer for this OP while her kids are young. They will still have more money than i can imagine.

[Anonymous]

quit

[Anonymous]

You are a high performer but your team is being dissolved? This makes no sense. As you look for new teams, will your seniority and past performance carry any weight? Would you be missed? Put it up front in your negotiation, if you want me...these are my up front requirements. Walk if not met. Would you get fired or laid off otherwise with a better severance? Having a child with SN as you describe is the wild card. You will never get this time back for yourself, or your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a high performer but your team is being dissolved? This makes no sense. As you look for new teams, will your seniority and past performance carry any weight? Would you be missed? Put it up front in your negotiation, if you want me...these are my up front requirements. Walk if not met. Would you get fired or laid off otherwise with a better severance? Having a child with SN as you describe is the wild card. You will never get this time back for yourself, or your child.

Team isn’t being dissolved because of performance. Think of it like a client were losing - something along those lines - so the team function will cease to exist. Have to formally interview for new roles which I could obtain, but the wfh policy has changed and very hard to get exceptions now.

[Anonymous]

There's no way I'd quit my job if my backup plan was asking my parents for money (and they do have money to help). I just couldn't bring myself to do that. Maybe you feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that this is difficult for OP. But it’s really hard to remain empathetic to these wealthy posters who come from wealthy families when there are so many people with significantly fewer resources and support systems just trying to stay afloat these days.

In OP’s case if you’re not able to negotiate more wfh or find a new team with flexibility I would ask if you could take a leave of absence and see how it goes not working until your kids are a little older.

+1. We make 130k COMBINED and I know it's my fault for not hustling and not marrying a more promising guy, but it's still hard to muster up sympathy. I feel like quitting is a no Brainer for this OP while her kids are young. They will still have more money than i can imagine.

I get what you’re saying but someone who earns 850k a year could look at my post and say “I would never quit unless my husband was making 750k a year.” The amount of money is relative, but overall we’d take a hit if I left my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that this is difficult for OP. But it’s really hard to remain empathetic to these wealthy posters who come from wealthy families when there are so many people with significantly fewer resources and support systems just trying to stay afloat these days.

In OP’s case if you’re not able to negotiate more wfh or find a new team with flexibility I would ask if you could take a leave of absence and see how it goes not working until your kids are a little older.

+1. We make 130k COMBINED and I know it's my fault for not hustling and not marrying a more promising guy, but it's still hard to muster up sympathy. I feel like quitting is a no Brainer for this OP while her kids are young. They will still have more money than i can imagine.

I get what you’re saying but someone who earns 850k a year could look at my post and say “I would never quit unless my husband was making 750k a year.” The amount of money is relative, but overall we’d take a hit if I left my career.

NP. Your post was fine OP. It did not come across as looking for sympathy. You described your circumstances and asked for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that this is difficult for OP. But it’s really hard to remain empathetic to these wealthy posters who come from wealthy families when there are so many people with significantly fewer resources and support systems just trying to stay afloat these days.

In OP’s case if you’re not able to negotiate more wfh or find a new team with flexibility I would ask if you could take a leave of absence and see how it goes not working until your kids are a little older.

+1. We make 130k COMBINED and I know it's my fault for not hustling and not marrying a more promising guy, but it's still hard to muster up sympathy. I feel like quitting is a no Brainer for this OP while her kids are young. They will still have more money than i can imagine.

I get what you’re saying but someone who earns 850k a year could look at my post and say “I would never quit unless my husband was making 750k a year.” The amount of money is relative, but overall we’d take a hit if I left my career.

Ehh, that's a bit of a reach. $130k combined is a significantly different angle compared to a single $375k income. And yes, while someone who makes much more might scoff at $375k, at a certain income threshold it becomes a matter of the degree of luxury and comfort vs "we may/will qualify for assistance" and have zero savings right now. That's where it's actually comparing apples to oranges.

Np here. All that said, yes, I would first just ask. And if it's a no, I would quit for a bit until it made sense to return to the workforce. Your husband supports your call so that makes it an even simpler call imo.