Having a really hard time with sorting out my priorities when it comes to RTO

[Anonymous]

You lost me when you shared what you and your husband make yearly. We have three kids, two of whom are special needs. You’re making enough to do WTF you want.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have a few options, deal with it, find a new job or quit and stay at home. You have a huge HHI so one's assuming you have a nanny and housekeeper. I'm not understanding the financial issues when you get help from grandparents as well. If you want to quit, quit.

[Anonymous]

I feel this way too and we only have two kids, one with ADHD, and two public sector salaries. I had been able to telework 2-3x a week since my first was born nine years ago, so RTO 5x a week is a big loss to my parenting, household management, exercise, and energy levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that this is difficult for OP. But it’s really hard to remain empathetic to these wealthy posters who come from wealthy families when there are so many people with significantly fewer resources and support systems just trying to stay afloat these days.

In OP’s case if you’re not able to negotiate more wfh or find a new team with flexibility I would ask if you could take a leave of absence and see how it goes not working until your kids are a little older.

+1

Must be nice to have a job where your money is basically just Monopoly money.

Also, you pick up at least one of your kids at lunch time? Or you take your lunch break later to pick up your kid? Because the former is shady as you are working and watching a child while everyone else has child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem, not a work problem. You could easily figure this out with his involvement.

She has both. Even if her DH was a fully present and active parents (in the live software all his children, not just the NT ones), a 3+hour commute 3 days a week is still insane.

I dont think it's that insane. It's not my choice but it definitely happens and people make it work.

DP but pretending a 90 minute commute as the default caregiver with three young kids is not absolutely insane is gaslighting to the extreme.

She has the luxury to just quit. Grandparents will pay for college and I bet they help with other stuff.

She has plenty of $$$.

And we all have preferences about number of kids and where we live. She chose to have three kids and chose to live where she wanted. She probably has low housing costs too.

Just quit OP so someone who actually could use the job can take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that this is difficult for OP. But it’s really hard to remain empathetic to these wealthy posters who come from wealthy families when there are so many people with significantly fewer resources and support systems just trying to stay afloat these days.

In OP’s case if you’re not able to negotiate more wfh or find a new team with flexibility I would ask if you could take a leave of absence and see how it goes not working until your kids are a little older.

+1

Must be nice to have a job where your money is basically just Monopoly money.

Also, you pick up at least one of your kids at lunch time? Or you take your lunch break later to pick up your kid? Because the former is shady as you are working and watching a child while everyone else has child care.

My job definitely isn’t just Monopoly money. I get that we wouldn’t be homeless if I quit my job, but it would be a financial hit. Right now, my salary goes towards our benefits and retirement savings. What’s left after taxes (which is a big chunk) goes towards full time childcare and tuition for our kids.

We have a full time babysitter at home so I’m not watching kids while I work or doing anything shady. I chose a preschool very close to my home where my kids attend/attended part time - have been able to coordinate drop off before work and pick up during my lunch hour which takes about 15 minutes total each time. I enjoy being part of my kids day.

Also, I’m not sure why picking up my kids during my lunch hour is shady. Or even if I spend 15 minutes later in the day while working through lunch. It’s not considered “shady” when I log on at 7:30am to get a head start on emails or log back in at 8:30pm to do more work. It’s just time management.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve worked in a corporate firm for many years. Back when I had my first seven years ago (pre covid) I was able to negotiate WFH four days a week and office once a week. Eventually during covid, I ended up going completely remote, but like most companies, mine has walked back on its WFH policies and is now requiring 3 days a week for everyone in the office. My commute is 90 minutes each way, best case scenario.

I am having a really hard time with deciding what to do - leaving my job, going in 3 days a week, or looking for a similar job closer to home.

I have three young kids under 7, and one has some special needs and needs a lot of scaffolding (severe adhd). I have always had full time childcare during working hours and am a top performer, so I’m not taking advantage, but WFH enabled me to do preschool drop off before starting work, and pickup during my lunch hour, see my kids during some small breaks, and have some flexibility for an elementary school pickup when needed. I’d be going from that to being gone 12+ hours a day, 3 days a week.

I have friends who love working and would lose their minds at home. I don’t dislike working, but I enjoy being with my kids and working from home was a compromise for me to be around while still contributing financially.

DH makes about 375k a year - so pretty good money, but not biglaw or anything where it’s a super obvious decision. I make about 175 + plus decent benefits. Combined we have a nice but not extravagant lifestyle. We have strong savings, have been maxing out 401k since I started working after college. We both come from well off families and while we don’t currently receive financial help (apart from therapies for our adhd child), one set of grandparents have set aside funds for grandchildren’scollege and the others are happy to help if I want to take some time away from working to prioritize the kids, which I know is very fortunate. medium and long term (we hope not for a long time) we stand to inherit a lot from various sources. Despite all of this, I’m having trouble accepting the help (and also counting on long term
Inheritance, which feels both crude and abstract) and losing the working element of my identity, but also having a hard time making a choice between my kids and my earning potential. I think my kids need me around and I enjoy being with them.

Anyone been in similar shoes with lessening flexibility at work? What did you decide to do?

SUPER! You sure have a lot of free time on your hands.