How to make peace with not being a wife and mother

[Anonymous]

Start the process for a sperm donor now. Divorce him, but don’t wait on starting for your baby. If the right guy comes along later, he’ll be right for you and your child. Being someone’s wife isn’t that amazing (unless you’re really lucky) but being someone’s mom (when you know you want to be a mom) is incredible and you deserve it

[Anonymous]

I'll echo everyone else. I know you feel old and you've wasted 5 years, but all things considered you're still relatively young and you're about to free yourself for the rest of your life. Go read about all the divorces and cheating that happen in marriages WITH kids. You'll feel much better about your decision to divorce, live your life on your terms, and be a mom all by yourself and get to make all the decisions and avoid conflict and disappointment. You'll build your own family. And later if you're bored you can revisit having a man in your life.

[Anonymous]

Divorce and therapy. Meet with a fertility specialist. Freeze your eggs or single mom by choice route with donor sperm. You can do this. The door is not closed for either of those options. It is closed with the jerk of your husband.

[Anonymous]

Read Chump Lady’s Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.

[Anonymous]

If you want to be a mother you can be a mother. We are a 2 mom family and adopted DD when I was 40. You could also foster, or mentor.

If you have decided that’s not for you, focus on you, what you enjoy, find friends that enjoy the same things, live your best life.

Everyone has a different path OP

[Anonymous]

I know 3 single moms by choice and they are all so so happy. They do have family support nearby. It’s not the end of that dream if you want it! I’m rooting for you.

[Anonymous]

You're 38, do NOT make your peace with it. I would have a child and be a single mother by choice, if I were you.

[Anonymous]

My best friend was in a similar situation years ago and ended up meeting a great guy with young kids. Now she is a beloved stepmom who has a great relationship with the kids and with her DH's ex-wife. Not the family she imagined but she's really happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll echo everyone else. I know you feel old and you've wasted 5 years, but all things considered you're still relatively young and you're about to free yourself for the rest of your life. Go read about all the divorces and cheating that happen in marriages WITH kids. You'll feel much better about your decision to divorce, live your life on your terms, and be a mom all by yourself and get to make all the decisions and avoid conflict and disappointment. You'll build your own family. And later if you're bored you can revisit having a man in your life.

Also I'll be very clear about this. I understand you think the version of divorce you are facing right now is particularly hard because you don't yet have children, and that is true. But for many many women who are divorcing with children, it is excruciating because they are losing 50% of their children's time due to join custody. If I could go back and do it again, knowing what I know now, I would choose to have kids on my own because I know I can count on myself and I would never have to face losing half my child's young life to the unilateral self-serving decisions of a spineless cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:38. In the process of divorcing my cheating, emotionally abusive alcoholic husband.

I feel like roadkill. I wasted an extra 5 years after he showed me who he was in 2019 by cheating on me with multiple women including a 19 year old GW student.

I was delusional and desperate to be a mother and clung on...we had 2-ish good years again and then he is back to getting on Tinder, Bumble, pretending he is single and trash talking me to his friends behind my back while putting IVF on hold.

At this point, I am numb and do not care anymore. I NEED him out of my life!

But...this isn't just a normal divorce...it is the end of my goal of being a mother and building a family.

I wonder why such posts don't put things in perspective for posters who are complaining of BF or DH not sharing exact 50-50 or not being exactly 6'2 etc. Y'all pick trash over decent people for superficial reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll echo everyone else. I know you feel old and you've wasted 5 years, but all things considered you're still relatively young and you're about to free yourself for the rest of your life. Go read about all the divorces and cheating that happen in marriages WITH kids. You'll feel much better about your decision to divorce, live your life on your terms, and be a mom all by yourself and get to make all the decisions and avoid conflict and disappointment. You'll build your own family. And later if you're bored you can revisit having a man in your life.

Also I'll be very clear about this. I understand you think the version of divorce you are facing right now is particularly hard because you don't yet have children, and that is true. But for many many women who are divorcing with children, it is excruciating because they are losing 50% of their children's time due to join custody. If I could go back and do it again, knowing what I know now, I would choose to have kids on my own because I know I can count on myself and I would never have to face losing half my child's young life to the unilateral self-serving decisions of a spineless cheater.

This. It is a million times easier to have a child alone than with a guy.

Just look at all the threads here from men who sit on their phone all day and don’t contribute, and hide behind “ADHD”.

Sad reality is most men cannot function, especially not once kids are in the picture.

You are WAY better off doing it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll echo everyone else. I know you feel old and you've wasted 5 years, but all things considered you're still relatively young and you're about to free yourself for the rest of your life. Go read about all the divorces and cheating that happen in marriages WITH kids. You'll feel much better about your decision to divorce, live your life on your terms, and be a mom all by yourself and get to make all the decisions and avoid conflict and disappointment. You'll build your own family. And later if you're bored you can revisit having a man in your life.

This. You're clear-eyed and will be free of a loser. Imagine having children that you loved and all of you betrayed, abandoned, gaslit. It's worse. Several of my friends are there. Shared custody with losers is constant salt in the wound. Because they often let the kids down.

[Anonymous]

The circumstances are different, but you might consider checking out Esther Perel’s where do we begin podcast. She recently had on a 40-year old woman whose marriage was ending who was coming to terms with not being a mother.

[Anonymous]

I'm single with no kids. The reality is just like not everyone can afford a trip to Hawaii or a Kitchen Aid mixer, not everyone can have a good marriage or have kids. People need to accept not everything is for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Freeze your eggs ASAP. Start taking Theralogix CoQ10.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through!