How to make peace with not being a wife and mother

[Anonymous]

38. In the process of divorcing my cheating, emotionally abusive alcoholic husband.

I feel like roadkill. I wasted an extra 5 years after he showed me who he was in 2019 by cheating on me with multiple women including a 19 year old GW student.

I was delusional and desperate to be a mother and clung on...we had 2-ish good years again and then he is back to getting on Tinder, Bumble, pretending he is single and trash talking me to his friends behind my back while putting IVF on hold.

At this point, I am numb and do not care anymore. I NEED him out of my life!

But...this isn't just a normal divorce...it is the end of my goal of being a mother and building a family.

[Anonymous]

Why IVF? Did you all try the old fashioned way and weren't successful? The universe might have been speaking to you... you might find the man of your dreams soon and pregnancy could come easily. Reframe your thinking

And having kids with this guy would have been awful--you dodged a bullet!!

[Anonymous]

Being 38 does not mean the end of your ability to become a mother.

Some women who don't have partners go on to do IVF and be single mothers by choice because they just need to be a mother no matter what.

You don't have to have a spouse or partner to be a mom.

I hope you're able to realize your dream in the near future!

[Anonymous]

You can still have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can still have a baby.

+1 and don’t put off dumping this loser any longer

[Anonymous]

You're 38! Don't give up until you're 45 at least.

You easily could find another husband and father. You also could become a single mom by choice.

[Anonymous]

Every divorce is the end of a dream.

Your focus should be on leaving and getting at the root why you stayed with someone who wouldn't make a good husband or father.

Once you are healthy and independent, then figure out your options about motherhood. There are many ways to be a mother, it just might look different than what you expected.

From my divorce, if it helps, the phrase, "when God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window" has so far rung true.

[Anonymous]

It is disappointing now. A door has closed, so open the window. Decide how you want to proceed- sperm donor, adoption, foster parent … lots of ways forward. Get, angry, grieve the loss of a dual parent home, accept where you are for now, and figure out the next best step.

[Anonymous]

You’re dealing with a crisis, perhaps a change in your sense of identity, and multiple transitions and losses in your life.
When the dust settles, I hope you realize that being a wife and being a mother are not somehow only connected to sharing that with one specific person. As others have said, you can certainly be a mother without also being a wife if that is genuinely a priority for you. You can also be a wife without being married to your particular emotionally abusive alcoholic soon to be ex-husband.

“Normal” or not, the process of divorce and recalibrating your life and even your dreams is difficult. Consider seeking sources of support as you make these transitions, including therapy and support groups as you grow beyond your current circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Feel your feelings, and then start listing out the positives. You can still be a mother, though your ideal of motherhood might be different. You can still become a wife, but take your time before rushing into another relationship. You are being gifted the chance to make a clean break and start over. Wishing you strength!

[Anonymous]

Although there's no guarantee, a friend married at age 40 and proceeded to have three healthy children by age 45. No interventions. You can also adopt. It's not a dead end, unless you've decided that's the case.

[Anonymous]

My niece just had a baby at 37 without a man.

It’s even cheaper cause it’s not IVF. It’s just IUI. All you need is sperm.

What’s your income?

Truthfully, it’s in many ways easier to raise a baby without a man because there’s less communication, there’s less expecting the other person to do something, there’s less compromising on the way you think a baby should be raised versus the way he thinks the baby should be raised. Also, don’t have to cater to some dude who’s like what about me when good attention. Also, your house is cleaner., and there’s less dishes.

Why are men great till they need to be great?

[Anonymous]

Did you post on here recently about how you feel you wasted your good years/youth on your husband & now are feeling bad because you feel all your investment in this person was all for nothing?? 🥺

[Anonymous]

Either have a baby or grieve the end of hopes. But celebrate finally getting the maturity, clarity and courage to get rid of that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece just had a baby at 37 without a man.

It’s even cheaper cause it’s not IVF. It’s just IUI. All you need is sperm.

What’s your income?

Truthfully, it’s in many ways easier to raise a baby without a man because there’s less communication, there’s less expecting the other person to do something, there’s less compromising on the way you think a baby should be raised versus the way he thinks the baby should be raised. Also, don’t have to cater to some dude who’s like what about me when good attention. Also, your house is cleaner., and there’s less dishes.

Why are men great till they need to be great?

Haha yes! OP, read the lyrics to Lizzo's Truth Hurts and then start celebrating your future!