Sleepover Dilemma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just send her for one night- life is full of things we don’t love. Best to learn that lesson young.

No. This is a good argument for spending time as a family with grandma during the day. NOT for a 1 on 1 sleepover with an adult the CHILD doesn't feel comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Grandma may have her feelings hurt, but more important your dd learns to be clear about situations that are comfortable and uncomfortable for her. I can absolutely imagine my mom (who is super difficult) pulling something like this and it's hard but your first responsibility is to your kid not your mom. Big explanation not needed, just say she is learning to get comfy with spending time out of the house and right now feels most comfortable at a friend's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her for one night- life is full of things we don’t love. Best to learn that lesson young.

No way! Stop trying to turn girls into people pleasers!

100 percent this

[Anonymous]

I have a 12yo DD too. She also doesn’t want to sleep at Grandmas. She did when she was younger but now she’s older it’s just not fun. Grandma won’t actively engage and just wants to take pics and video of DD and Grandpa doing stuff together. Like constantly.
They can’t even shoot hoops without grandma needing them to pose.
I don’t make her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just send her for one night- life is full of things we don’t love. Best to learn that lesson young.

Agree, and she might be pleasantly surprised by how it goes. And if not, you just say “oh she enjoyed that sleepover it in general she prefers her own bed or to be with friends.” A lot easier if she has done it once.

Not buying all the people pleaser pearl-clutchers. 100 percent disagree on those posters. In life, we all do things we are hesitant about. Builds resiliency and empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. I think your daughter is being a bit difficult. What's so bad about grandma? It sounds like you've indulged her a bit too much. If she's good with friends, she should be ok with Grandma.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her for one night- life is full of things we don’t love. Best to learn that lesson young.

Agree, and she might be pleasantly surprised by how it goes. And if not, you just say “oh she enjoyed that sleepover it in general she prefers her own bed or to be with friends.” A lot easier if she has done it once.

Not buying all the people pleaser pearl-clutchers. 100 percent disagree on those posters. In life, we all do things we are hesitant about. Builds resiliency and empathy.

No it doesn’t. It’s simply giving into a selfish boomer. It will also be harder to say no the next time. Grandma will be tickled that her constant badgering and ignoring what the kid wants leads to grandma getting grandma’s way. She will be worse the next time you decline.

Resiliency and empathy are gained in so many other ways. Sports, competition, going to sleep away camp, volunteering, working and helping others in actual need. Your DD is likely to only learn that she dislikes grandma more than she thought and that you can’t say no to pushy relatives. If you are a pushy relative then of course this is a great thing to force your kid into doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. I think your daughter is being a bit difficult. What's so bad about grandma? It sounds like you've indulged her a bit too much. If she's good with friends, she should be ok with Grandma.

Not OP, but WHY?!?! Why on earth would I force my kid to sleep over at my mother's? My mother is also difficult to spend time with, and I would never dream of betraying my daughter's trust in me by forcing her to do this. We have a cordial entente with my mother, Facetime regularly, visit occasionally together, and that's as far as we'll go.

Are you Smug Grandma?

[Anonymous]

You’re raising a selfish child. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not your job or your daughter's to manage your mom's hurt feelings.

I also don't think you need to go out of your to be hurtful ie telling her dd never wants to sleepover before she hates her house. You aren't at that stage yet so you don't fully get it but your mom likely has dreams of Grandma sleepovers .

Is there anything that would make sleepovers with Grandma okay for your daughter. Like if there were a list of activities she could suggest and it would be more fun or is it other issue.

Ugh - it is not the OP or her daughter’s job to appease grandma dream of a sleepover. No means no. Honesty, it’s a little creepy that grandma is pushing so hard for this.

I didn't say it was reading is fundamental. But in families with people we care about we attempt to build bridges to find compromise that's how relationships are built. Thus what is it that she doesn't like about visiting grandma is it something with a simple fix?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her for one night- life is full of things we don’t love. Best to learn that lesson young.

No way! Stop trying to turn girls into people pleasers!

100 percent this

Instead turn her into a self indulgent pita

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her for one night- life is full of things we don’t love. Best to learn that lesson young.

Agree, and she might be pleasantly surprised by how it goes. And if not, you just say “oh she enjoyed that sleepover it in general she prefers her own bed or to be with friends.” A lot easier if she has done it once.

Not buying all the people pleaser pearl-clutchers. 100 percent disagree on those posters. In life, we all do things we are hesitant about. Builds resiliency and empathy.

I agree with this to a point. There's a huge wide space between being molded into a people pleaser and learning that relationships take work and compromise.
So what is it she doesn't like about grandma's place is it because Grandma is rigid and unkind or is it more like she uses a little too much perfume watches wheel of fortune talked about her summer in Europe in 1970 a million times and asks her to put her phone away? Is there a way of planning an evening that would be tolerable. I wouldn't force her to go but I would talk about why she doesn't and why getting to know her grandma is worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

Typically parents try NOT to pass the worst parts of themselves onto their children. Do better.

[Anonymous]

“Mom, your house smells like mothballs, your pillows are flat, you snore loudly enough to shake the walls, you go to bed too early and get up at 5 and bang around, you serve underripe fruit and overcooked meat, and your internet is really unreliable”.

That’s what I think to myself when my mom whines to me and DD that we never stay over. But I would never say it out loud.

[Anonymous]

Is grandma really so bad or she just doesn't want to? Because if she's just being stubborn, she can go for dinner and be picked up at breakfast. I assume grandma isn't planning to stay up all night. Plan a little - card games, baking, puzzles, a favorite movie.

If your mom really is trouble, that's a different story.