Sleepover Dilemma

[Anonymous]

Some of my fondest memories were overnights at my Grandma's. I wouldn't trade those times for anything. I feel so sad for a kid who never experiences that.

If you aren't sure, how about starting at dinner and picking her up after breakfast. If she had a fun time, she might want to repeat it. If she didn't, it was just a short night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of my fondest memories were overnights at my Grandma's. I wouldn't trade those times for anything. I feel so sad for a kid who never experiences that.

If you aren't sure, how about starting at dinner and picking her up after breakfast. If she had a fun time, she might want to repeat it. If she didn't, it was just a short night.

Sigh. Your grandmother and this grandmother are NOT the same person. This person is difficult to be around and doesn’t care that the kid doesn’t want to stay there.

OP also didn’t ask should I force my DD to go there because my mom keeps pushing and pushing. No, she did not. She asked how she could avoid six years of her mom not taking no for an answer.

1. Ignore grandmas manipulations and pushing. It’s rude and it’s her problem not yours.
2. Confront her. Say look I’ve told you no and how DD doesn’t want to do this. You keep ignoring what DD needs or wants and focusing only on yourself. Perhaps you should reflect on why that pattern behavior might make someone uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting reading the two different opinions on this thread.
I never spent the night at my grandparents house. The whole thing sounds weird to me.
Why is a 70 something trying to fill their emotional wants with a 12 year old? It is so gross and manipulative.

Um emotional needs? Some of you are really effed up.

Are you trying to fill your creepy emotional needs when you want to spend time with your kids?
Or maybe it's because you grew up with no extended family.
But many of us did and have great memories of sleepovers with the grandparents. My grandma taught me how to cook and garden we watched the old movies and stayed up late. It was fun.

Okay, but this kid is 12, she has never slept over, and most important *she doesn’t want to*. This is not performing some kind of life saving surgery - the word will actually continue turning for all involved if this kid sleeps in her own bed instead of grandma’s house. That’s the difference.

They could still have the fun in terms of having a sleep under - they could change into jammies and watch a movie and do all the things but not sleep over and take home kid late so she gets to sleep in her own bed* because the child is not comfortable to do sleep elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her for one night- life is full of things we don’t love. Best to learn that lesson young.

Agree, and she might be pleasantly surprised by how it goes. And if not, you just say “oh she enjoyed that sleepover it in general she prefers her own bed or to be with friends.” A lot easier if she has done it once.

Not buying all the people pleaser pearl-clutchers. 100 percent disagree on those posters. In life, we all do things we are hesitant about. Builds resiliency and empathy.

No. You're wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her for one night- life is full of things we don’t love. Best to learn that lesson young.

Agree, and she might be pleasantly surprised by how it goes. And if not, you just say “oh she enjoyed that sleepover it in general she prefers her own bed or to be with friends.” A lot easier if she has done it once.

Not buying all the people pleaser pearl-clutchers. 100 percent disagree on those posters. In life, we all do things we are hesitant about. Builds resiliency and empathy.

No. You're wrong.

+1

Making the kid go is nothing but unnecessarily people pleasing for no real value. It’s showing DD that other people’s feels are more important than her feeling safe and secure in her own wants and in her own life. It’s showing DD that her parents cannot be trusted to keep her safe or honour her voice. There’s no pearl clutching - grandma needs to grow up and respect her granddaughter as an actual
Person.

[Anonymous]

It’s such a boomer thing to be shocked and offended or play hurt when their adult children don’t force the kids to do things they don’t want to do. My theory is that the boomers were raised in a very authoritative manner, kids regularly beaten by parents, teachers etc, always forced to be obedient etc. The silent generation was really evil when it came to parenting. Now that boomers are aging they are regressing and shocked when a grandchild isn’t forced to be obedient to the whims of the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re raising a selfish child. Congrats!

There is nothing wrong with being selfish. It's better than being a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re raising a selfish child. Congrats!

There is nothing wrong with being selfish. It's better than being a doormat.

+100

Also interesting that the “compliant” person (the kid) is the selfish one, but not granny who
Is stomping her feet and creating a crisis where there isn’t one, just because she isn’t getting what she wants. She’s the grownup, but not “selfish”?

We need to teach these young women especially that they don’t have to do what they don’t want to do. It sounds hyperbolic, but so many of us were told to never say no, to put up and shut up or we were terrible - and it ended up in abusive relationships, workplace harassment, dangerous situations, harmful places. Because having an opinion over your own body or wants is “selfish” and not what good women do.