Sleepover Dilemma

[Anonymous]

OP, it doesn't sound like you want her to stay there. Just say that. You are the mother and you don't want her to. Take the hit so your daughter doesn't have to.

PS, if you never slept at your grandparents you have that built in excuse "weird- I never did that, wouldn't have wanted to, so she won't either". On repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a grown adult should understand "It’s different with friends her own age."

OP here. I definitely agree, but so far, that hasn’t satisfied her. Maybe there will be no satisfying her and I just need to accept that.

You’ve answered your own question, Op. it’s not up to you, or more importantly your 12 year old child, to satisfy her.

[Anonymous]

Your mom and my mom sounds like the same person. She doesn’t seem to take boundaries very well. The next time she brings it up you need to say, I’m sorry if this hurts you but being at a friends house is different then being at a grandparents house. The answer is unfortunately no. Please do not bring it up again. Your kid also needs to see the boundary be set. If your moms like mine she made herself a very strong personality and and the “supreme ruler” in your life. I know how hard it is to break the cycle. Good luck OP

[Anonymous]

Previous poster. I also have a 12 year old. If your mom is not a good person then yes you need to teach your kid that there are certain people that you need to not over tell things to. It’s a form of protecting yourself from an emotionally harmful person or a person that can not handle boundaries. For the people on here that are going to come at me for teaching a kid to withhold the truth - be grateful that you were never in a relationship that you needed to do this in.

[Anonymous]

I agree with just telling your mother no. Your daughter just doesn’t want to period hard stop.

I think I spent the night at one of my grandparents house once and told my parents I would never do it again. It was a very uncomfortable experience. Nobody ever said anything and I never had to go back. I never spent the night at my other grandparents home, however, they often spent the night at my house while my parents were out or when my parents had to go overseas for work. That was totally different because I was in my own comfortable environment. If you need some sort of solution, and I’m not saying that you do, that is one way to get around things. You could go out and have your mother come and spend the night with your daughter in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just send her for one night- life is full of things we don’t love. Best to learn that lesson young.

No. This is a good argument for spending time as a family with grandma during the day. NOT for a 1 on 1 sleepover with an adult the CHILD doesn't feel comfortable with.

Agree - op should NOT put her daughter in a situation where she is uncomfortable. Op and her daughter know grandma - we don’t. Someone can be a good grandma but not someone a kid wants to be around for a full day.

My kids can take their grandma’s digs over the phone but refuse to spend time with her alone (fortunately they live a plane ride away from her).

[Anonymous]

It's funny contrasting this thread with the grandma birthday thread.yoy people are so effed up

[Anonymous]

OP do you have a good relationship with your mom? Why can't you tell her no? I tell my mom no all the time. It's very easy. Mom, DD will not be sleeping over at your house.
Also tell DD to stop talking about sleep overs at other people's houses.

[Anonymous]

At 12 you kind of missed the golden years for fun at grandparents house. I would focus on that. Mom, she entering the teen years. It's all about her frieinds now. The rest of us are not exciting to her now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD12 wouldn’t spend the night anywhere but home until just this year when she started spending the night with her friends, and now they do sleepovers quite often, alternating houses. My mom inadvertently found out when DD let it slip, and now my mom has been chomping at the bit for DD to “finally” spend the night at her house. DD isn’t comfortable with that, for a variety of reasons but mainly that my mom isn’t the easiest person to spend lengths of time with. I keep making excuses but she keeps saying she’s “hurt” that DD will spend the night with friends but not her own grandma. I can’t do this for the next six years; something final needs to be said. How do you tell someone that their home isn’t a welcoming or comforting place and it’s likely DD will never want to spend the night there with you?

“She isn’t comfortable doing that. Maybe reflect on why that is.”

[Anonymous]

It’s interesting reading the two different opinions on this thread.
I never spent the night at my grandparents house. The whole thing sounds weird to me.
Why is a 70 something trying to fill their emotional wants with a 12 year old? It is so gross and manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting reading the two different opinions on this thread.
I never spent the night at my grandparents house. The whole thing sounds weird to me.
Why is a 70 something trying to fill their emotional wants with a 12 year old? It is so gross and manipulative.

Um emotional needs? Some of you are really effed up.

Are you trying to fill your creepy emotional needs when you want to spend time with your kids?
Or maybe it's because you grew up with no extended family.
But many of us did and have great memories of sleepovers with the grandparents. My grandma taught me how to cook and garden we watched the old movies and stayed up late. It was fun.

[Anonymous]

Stand up for your child and stop letting your mother bully her into being her little dolly! wtf cmon, be a parent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting reading the two different opinions on this thread.
I never spent the night at my grandparents house. The whole thing sounds weird to me.
Why is a 70 something trying to fill their emotional wants with a 12 year old? It is so gross and manipulative.

Um emotional needs? Some of you are really effed up.

Are you trying to fill your creepy emotional needs when you want to spend time with your kids?
Or maybe it's because you grew up with no extended family.
But many of us did and have great memories of sleepovers with the grandparents. My grandma taught me how to cook and garden we watched the old movies and stayed up late. It was fun.

The grandma in this scenario is trying to guilt trip and pressure to have GD overnight when GD does not want to spend the night. Completely manipulative.
My kids are young so they have to spend time with me - but I won’t emotionally manipulate them when they are adults.
So your parents didn’t teach you to cook?
Mine taught me, and I’ve taught my kids.

[Anonymous]

There is no need for grandma sleepovers. I never had any. The idea of sleepovers with peers is to stay up late, have fun and gossip. Whatever grandma wants to do, she can do during daytime. There is no need to teach how to cook at midnight.