Guys who do all the cooking — do they expect something in return?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men like to cook. Usually they are very controlling.

This is true IME

[Anonymous]

I expect to be pleasured every night that I cook her dinner.

[Anonymous]

I love cooking but hate grocery shopping. I earn more.

[Anonymous]

You're being really short-sighted if you're just looking at cooking. What about laundry, cleaning, childcare, pet care, house maintenance, scheduling and attending medical appointments, car maintenance, gardening/yard, etc.? There are a million things that have to get done in any relationship, exponentially so if you have kids. If someone says they do all the cooking, who cares? What about the ten million other things that need to be done?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men like to cook. Usually they are very controlling.

This is such a weird take! Some of my closest friends have husbands who love to cook and they are far from controlling. They’re actually more beta-type men. And their wives work part time or not at all.

+1

I wouldn't say the men I know who cook are beta-type at all but they are definitely not controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is our primary cook and he makes double my salary. Cooking is his way of decompressing so it doesn’t feel like a burden to him. I do most of the family/house stuff that requires deadlines, planning etc. because that’s not his strength.This all unfolded organically, not in a transactional way at all.

+1 DH likes to cook, learned from his mom at an early age. His sisters are all great cooks, too.

I dislike cooking, always have. I did not learn to cook until I was 42 after I pulled back from work to be a sahm. But, when DH did all the cooking, I did all the other stuff, including cleaning up after dinner. He didn't mind the cooking, and I didn't mind the cleaning.

When the kids came along, he even pureed all their baby food. I was terrible at it, but I did everything else - scheduling, appointments, all the mental lift. He's not good at multitasking and remembering to schedule things, planning, but I am.

When we switched roles, he did all the cleaning up after dinner, but since I was a sahm at that point, I was doing everything else.

Now, our kids are older (one out of the house), and he is semi-retired, while I am still working FT. We've come full circle - he does all the cooking and grocery shopping. I will cook on occasion, usually the weekend, and do meal planning because he's still bad at planning.

And yea, I have been making more than him for a a few years now.

Use your strengths in the marriage. It took me a long time to accept that our equal partnership wasn't equal in terms of actual duties, but equal in the sense that we each contributed to our abilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I expect to be pleasured every night that I cook her dinner.

Will you give her back rubs every night when she takes care of your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men like to cook. Usually they are very controlling.

This is true IME

not true in my world. I know several men who like to cook, and they are not controlling in the least.

Men who don't do the cooking are usually conservative men who like to control the home, and everyone in it.

I'm from a conservative family.

[Anonymous]

Most professional chefs are men. Why is it men cooking at home is considered weird?

[Anonymous]

I did the cooking but my wife did a lot of other household and school stuff.

[Anonymous]

Every relationship is different. I've been married for 20 years and my DH has always done most of the cooking. He's a better cook than me and generally enjoys cooking more than I do. On the nights that he cooks, I clean up. On the (few) nights that I cook, he cleans up.

We take the same approach to other things around the house and with our kids. It's not always exactly 50/50 but it's mostly fair.

[Anonymous]

My dh does all the cooking. It’s honestly inedible (weird vegetables together and overcooked meat) but I don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. I’ve tried for years to get him to follow recipes. I joke that he keeps me thin!

He expects nothing from me. I mean maybe he would if I wasn’t also working nonstop too, but that’s just our marriage. We don’t bean count. We’re both just working to make this life the best and neither of us is lazy.

I personally think cleaning and organizing is a much much harder job than cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most professional chefs are men. Why is it men cooking at home is considered weird?

I didn’t know it was. Where are you getting that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men like to cook. Usually they are very controlling.

Nah. Dh and I are definitely both type A but not controlling. Dh just likes to eat more. Frankly after 15 years together I’m still shocked at the amount of food he eats. I had sisters and we were petite and ate like birds. Dh eats multiple dinners and is still very thin.

[Anonymous]

The quid pro quo element here is concerning. In a longterm relationship there are lots and lots and lots of chores. Taking on one doesn't entitle you to anything exceptional - you're going to have to take on many chores, as will she, just to keep the ship afloat.

DH does a fair amount of cooking, but what he expects is 1) to get to pick what we eat that night, and 2) to have food to eat. I do 99.5% of the laundry and what I expect is 1) to have clean clothes, and 2) to have a birds eye view of what needs to be replaced for the kids based on rips/tears/stains. Nobody's getting a ticker tape parade or uncomfortable sex act in return for being a grownup.