Guys who do all the cooking — do they expect something in return?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend hates to shop/cook but loves good food, so she thinks she hit the jackpot with me, who is very happy doing all that. But it’s not like I don’t expect her to pull her weight in other areas — for instance, she makes a ton of money and I can’t imagine her being dependent on me financially. Is this similar to the experiences of others where the man does the cooking?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there’s any one way to do a relationship.

My friend’s husband does as much cooking as his job allows because he loves it. She is a SAHM.

My husband loves to cook, but again, a high powered job means he’s not getting home at the kids’ dinner time.

Your life will change once you have kids. The best way for big money is for one person to become the primary earner and the other to become the primary parent. If the primary earner has a big meeting that runs late, dinner cannot wait. The other parent has to get the kids fed. My concern is whether she can cook at all, or is she positioned to be the primary earner? If she can boil pasta and do simple sheet pan meals, she can cook for the family. If not, the family will likely be doing a ton of processed food. How do you feel about that? I wouldn’t get hung up on financial dependence. Either you’re a team, or you’re not.


Another concern is whether she picks up the slack in other ways. Does she scrub toilets? Pay bills? More the lawn? Do laundry? I wouldn’t automatically cut a partner out over this issue, but it’s one to watch out for. Why? There’s a necessary household task that she hates doing. She is letting you do it all. As long as you’re happy about it and doing other household chores, it’s just a division of labor. If she’s not doing other chores, such as laundry, you need to look at why. If you’re still feeling a sense of disquiet, a few sessions with a therapist can help you sort through your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Troll. Yawn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend hates to shop/cook but loves good food, so she thinks she hit the jackpot with me, who is very happy doing all that. But it’s not like I don’t expect her to pull her weight in other areas — for instance, she makes a ton of money and I can’t imagine her being dependent on me financially. Is this similar to the experiences of others where the man does the cooking?

What a strange way to think. Do you think relationships are this transactional?

In many relationships, people do gravitate to certain tasks they enjoy more than their partners. But healthy people don’t bean count or expect quid pro quo.

Were you born toxic or did you learn this flawed thinking by the way you were raised or socialized?

[Anonymous]

Some men like to cook. Usually they are very controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men like to cook. Usually they are very controlling.

This is such a weird take! Some of my closest friends have husbands who love to cook and they are far from controlling. They’re actually more beta-type men. And their wives work part time or not at all.

[Anonymous]

This is funny. If a woman wrote this the responses would be "well, of course he's an adult and shouldn't depend on you financially, he's lucky to have you do the cooking."

That said, people should do what they have time for and hate the least. I do more cooking and meal planning than my husband because I like it and I get to eat what I want that way. He does all the cleanup. Jackpot.

[Anonymous]

Alpha men don’t do the cooking and cleaning stuffs.
Women prefer alpha men by far, it’s not even close.

[Anonymous]

I had a partner who loved to cook. He was brought up super independent from early age or left on his own. He didn't expect anything in return. He even cleaned as he enjoyed his time. It was part of this independence and can do it alone attitude.

[Anonymous]

Most of the married men I know do the cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men like to cook. Usually they are very controlling.

What an odd take. My best friend’s DH has always loved to cook and she hates to cook. He is the most laid back guy on the planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Alpha men don’t do the cooking and cleaning stuffs.
Women prefer alpha men by far, it’s not even close.

Alpha men don't do grammar well, either!!!

[Anonymous]

My husband does all the cooking. If by “expect something” you mean “there are other chores I do” then of course. He handles grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking for our family of five. I handle laundry and clothes buying/updating for the kids (he buys his own clothes but I clean and put away all his clothes).

He does school comms. I do toy organization/rotating/purging/cleanup (and teaching the kids to cleanup!).

He does extra curricular sign ups/logistics, I do summer camp sign up/logistics.

He handles finances, I handle home maintenance.

Balance!

[Anonymous]

DH is our primary cook and he makes double my salary. Cooking is his way of decompressing so it doesn’t feel like a burden to him. I do most of the family/house stuff that requires deadlines, planning etc. because that’s not his strength.This all unfolded organically, not in a transactional way at all.

[Anonymous]

DH cooks much better than I do and there have been points in our marriage where he's been the primary cook (depends on various kid things, work things, and life things). I keep the inside of the house clean, including cleaning up after dinner. I do laundry for us as well as linens and make sure the kids do theirs. I do most kid stuff (he will take them to some appointments and drive them to some practices/games). He does the outside of the house, including lawn care and gardening. He does typical maintenance like changing filters on things. He handles most finances, but I pay some bills. We both work, but he works more hours than I do and makes more money. Our finances are fully combined.

Basically everybody contributes and everyone keeps busy.