How do I navigate my new overbearing friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You go to therapy to find out why this bothers you.

Yeah, you may have some attachment issues (avoidant?). This is a normal gesture.

If she proposes doing something you don't want to do, just say no!

[Anonymous]

OP, the sequence and scope of events/interactions and emotional sharing seem like perfectly normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

Going to on a trip to Philadelphia with a new friend is a way higher stakes commitment than just casually going over each other’s house. You’re in deeper than you think, girlfriend!

[Anonymous]

In all honesty I expected to hear something annoying that this friend did - and was surprised by the gesture that you mentioned. 🧐

I personally think what she did was really thoughtful of her.
I do not think that she crossed any boundaries & I think she sounds like a wonderful person.

However that is just how I feel >> if what she did does not sit well with you then it may be a good idea to back off from this friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean the flip of that is you’ve only hung out with her a couple times and now you’re spilling your guts that you’re crying over your bachelorette party. Why do you get to treat her like your personal therapist but expect her to leave you alone unless summoned?

Especially weird since her mother just passed. Have some perspective. She’s probably struggling way more than you are, yet she’s the one trying to offer support. She probably needs the emotional support herself and is trying to build the friendship in a way that isn’t self-serving.

Sorry but you sound like a user. That you want the benefits of a deep, close friendship where you can cry about a stupid bachelorette party but don’t want to reciprocate. If you want shallow friendships where you just see each other once a month, that’s fine, but keep the conversations light hearted and don’t turn them into therapy sessions.

Hate to say this OP but this is very true……

[Anonymous]

Her mom died recently and she talked about that w you and you had a friend disappointment and talked to her about that. You’re getting closer. Also, I agree w PP: have some perspective. Her mom just died and she is undoubtedly in a lot of emotional pain/grief. No matter what her relationship with her mom was like, losing a parent is a huge deal. She needs friends right now. If you can’t be a good friend to her, why? What are you afraid of? Getting too close w somrone?

You mention you’re from the Midwest (or moved to DC from the Midwest) I lived in the Midwest for 9 years and though im very outgoing and friendly, it was so hard to make real friends there. Midwest people are kind but distant. It’s hard to become close bc they don’t really let you in. They have their family and their little friend group from childhood or hs or college and it’s very insular. They’re not open to making new, close friends. Maybe you fit that Midwest stereotype too, OP. Nice but just looking for surface level relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her mom died recently and she talked about that w you and you had a friend disappointment and talked to her about that. You’re getting closer. Also, I agree w PP: have some perspective. Her mom just died and she is undoubtedly in a lot of emotional pain/grief. No matter what her relationship with her mom was like, losing a parent is a huge deal. She needs friends right now. If you can’t be a good friend to her, why? What are you afraid of? Getting too close w somrone?

You mention you’re from the Midwest (or moved to DC from the Midwest) I lived in the Midwest for 9 years and though im very outgoing and friendly, it was so hard to make real friends there. Midwest people are kind but distant. It’s hard to become close bc they don’t really let you in. They have their family and their little friend group from childhood or hs or college and it’s very insular. They’re not open to making new, close friends. Maybe you fit that Midwest stereotype too, OP. Nice but just looking for surface level relationships.

I’m not sure if this makes a difference or not but her mom died in August, so it isn’t recent. She was talking about her because this was a few days after Mother’s Day. I offered to help her with moving her mom’s things because it was a considerate thing to do and wanted to be a good friend. I don’t want you all to think I’ve dismissed her grief.

Maybe it is a Midwest thing - “kind but distant”. I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her mom died recently and she talked about that w you and you had a friend disappointment and talked to her about that. You’re getting closer. Also, I agree w PP: have some perspective. Her mom just died and she is undoubtedly in a lot of emotional pain/grief. No matter what her relationship with her mom was like, losing a parent is a huge deal. She needs friends right now. If you can’t be a good friend to her, why? What are you afraid of? Getting too close w somrone?

You mention you’re from the Midwest (or moved to DC from the Midwest) I lived in the Midwest for 9 years and though im very outgoing and friendly, it was so hard to make real friends there. Midwest people are kind but distant. It’s hard to become close bc they don’t really let you in. They have their family and their little friend group from childhood or hs or college and it’s very insular. They’re not open to making new, close friends. Maybe you fit that Midwest stereotype too, OP. Nice but just looking for surface level relationships.

I’m not sure if this makes a difference or not but her mom died in August, so it isn’t recent. She was talking about her because this was a few days after Mother’s Day. I offered to help her with moving her mom’s things because it was a considerate thing to do and wanted to be a good friend. I don’t want you all to think I’ve dismissed her grief.

Maybe it is a Midwest thing - “kind but distant”. I don’t know.

There is something deeply wrong with your perception of relationships, OP. To the point I almost want to call Troll. First off, August absolutely is recent when it’s HER MOTHER.

And you offering to help her clean out her things was about the level of support and care as sending a candle. And yet, your main concern is with her being too intense and your crappy “real”’ ditching your little precious-wedding party.

God gawd.

[Anonymous]

She should dump you as a friend. You’re not a good one.

[Anonymous]

Please send your castoff, overbearing friend my way! She’s sounds like a loving, thoughtful and kind person.

I thought you were going to describe someone truly overbearing and well, toxic.

I long ago ditched a burgeoning friendship with another new mom who took to lecturing and berating me about newborn health, nutrition and safety. That’s overbearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please send your castoff, overbearing friend my way! She’s sounds like a loving, thoughtful and kind person.

I thought you were going to describe someone truly overbearing and well, toxic.

I long ago ditched a burgeoning friendship with another new mom who took to lecturing and berating me about newborn health, nutrition and safety. That’s overbearing.

+1. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Holy crap, OP, you are nuts. She sounds like a lovely person who made a thoughtful gesture. She didn’t give you the eggs from her ovaries, she just got you some candles. Jeez.

Send her my way. I’d love to have a kind, thoughtful new friend like this.

[Anonymous]

Overbearing??? No, OP, she isn't. That was a nice and kind thing to do for a friend.

[Anonymous]

OP the Council has spoken. Your friend is amazing and you don’t deserve her.

[Anonymous]

That is so nice! She sounds like a gem!