When someone asks a favor they should not ask

[Anonymous]

Usually if they have the social cluelessness to ask for something inappropriate, you mustn't feel bad saying no, and ignoring all of their emotions after that.

And keep in mind that autistic people often don't have a good sense of what's socially appropriate or not. My husband is the sort who asks. Usually he doesn't mind when people say no. He also doesn't understand that people might be uncomfortable at saying no, because in their shoes he wouldn't mind declining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually if they have the social cluelessness to ask for something inappropriate, you mustn't feel bad saying no, and ignoring all of their emotions after that.

And keep in mind that autistic people often don't have a good sense of what's socially appropriate or not. My husband is the sort who asks. Usually he doesn't mind when people say no. He also doesn't understand that people might be uncomfortable at saying no, because in their shoes he wouldn't mind declining.

This is someone who is at ease socially (I am not) and who is nervous about this one thing. I am equally nervous but made sure I had a plan I could be ok with for this thing. Their favor involves a lot of new anxiety for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gotta tell us what the ask is

I really can’t bc it’s too specific but it involves a very long drive and time away all bc they realized after the fact they can’t take care of it themselves. I could fix the problem but they have alternative ways to deal with it as well they don’t want to explore bc involving me would be less stressful to them. If I say no this will have repercussions for me and the person will remember and hold it against me.

Sounds like the person asked you to drive up to their summer cabin and turn the hose off.

No. I will say it’s a nearly 8 hour round trip.

Then say no and let the friendship die.

Not a friend. Someone like a coach, not someone avoidable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually if they have the social cluelessness to ask for something inappropriate, you mustn't feel bad saying no, and ignoring all of their emotions after that.

And keep in mind that autistic people often don't have a good sense of what's socially appropriate or not. My husband is the sort who asks. Usually he doesn't mind when people say no. He also doesn't understand that people might be uncomfortable at saying no, because in their shoes he wouldn't mind declining.

lol it is much more likely that someone asking for giant favors is a manipulative user than that they are autistic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually if they have the social cluelessness to ask for something inappropriate, you mustn't feel bad saying no, and ignoring all of their emotions after that.

And keep in mind that autistic people often don't have a good sense of what's socially appropriate or not. My husband is the sort who asks. Usually he doesn't mind when people say no. He also doesn't understand that people might be uncomfortable at saying no, because in their shoes he wouldn't mind declining.

This is someone who is at ease socially (I am not) and who is nervous about this one thing. I am equally nervous but made sure I had a plan I could be ok with for this thing. Their favor involves a lot of new anxiety for me.

Ah OK, then I guess it's their anxiety getting the better of them. Let them be upset and be at peace with your refusal.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the problem was asking; it was being angry when you said no instead of graciously accepting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually if they have the social cluelessness to ask for something inappropriate, you mustn't feel bad saying no, and ignoring all of their emotions after that.

And keep in mind that autistic people often don't have a good sense of what's socially appropriate or not. My husband is the sort who asks. Usually he doesn't mind when people say no. He also doesn't understand that people might be uncomfortable at saying no, because in their shoes he wouldn't mind declining.

This is someone who is at ease socially (I am not) and who is nervous about this one thing. I am equally nervous but made sure I had a plan I could be ok with for this thing. Their favor involves a lot of new anxiety for me.

Are you close enough to tell them that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cut people off when they start a rude request or rude question with "I probably shouldn't ask but..."

I say "stop. don't ask then. and certainly don't preface your ask with asking me to bless it. No."

"to be honest" also irks me to no end. So I'm supposed to believe you usually are not honest, so you need to preface it this one time that you are?!?

+ 1. I am going to use these from now on. Thank you!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the problem was asking; it was being angry when you said no instead of graciously accepting.

X100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually if they have the social cluelessness to ask for something inappropriate, you mustn't feel bad saying no, and ignoring all of their emotions after that.

And keep in mind that autistic people often don't have a good sense of what's socially appropriate or not. My husband is the sort who asks. Usually he doesn't mind when people say no. He also doesn't understand that people might be uncomfortable at saying no, because in their shoes he wouldn't mind declining.

This is someone who is at ease socially (I am not) and who is nervous about this one thing. I am equally nervous but made sure I had a plan I could be ok with for this thing. Their favor involves a lot of new anxiety for me.

Are you close enough to tell them that?

No, and I think considering it's giving them, a non-anxious person, anxiety, it should feel embarrassing to ask someone they ultimately don't know well. I would never in a million years ask them this.

[Anonymous]

I know several people who would ask some favors. Several are from them are from same country. They give you nothing in return.
It's normal to them and crazy to me. I think I'm on candid camera every time it happens.
Left them all behind and life is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gotta tell us what the ask is

I really can’t bc it’s too specific but it involves a very long drive and time away all bc they realized after the fact they can’t take care of it themselves. I could fix the problem but they have alternative ways to deal with it as well they don’t want to explore bc involving me would be less stressful to them. If I say no this will have repercussions for me and the person will remember and hold it against me.

Sounds like the person asked you to drive up to their summer cabin and turn the hose off.

There are like six summer cabins. We will know who it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gotta tell us what the ask is

I really can’t bc it’s too specific but it involves a very long drive and time away all bc they realized after the fact they can’t take care of it themselves. I could fix the problem but they have alternative ways to deal with it as well they don’t want to explore bc involving me would be less stressful to them. If I say no this will have repercussions for me and the person will remember and hold it against me.

Good riddance of bad rubbish. Ask a favor and if the answer is no. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Are you making the drive anyway?
If not I think you can say no, that doesnt work for you.
If however, you are doing the drive yourself and will be close by to what they need just help them out.
If I had to drive a distance to get some sports equipment or something or pick something up I needed. I wouldn’t mind also getting someone else’s. I’m going anyway.
I also feel like then the next time the situation arises they might take their turn, if applicable

[Anonymous]

Is this really someone like a coach asking you to make an eight hour round-trip solely for their benefit? That seems absolutely incredible to me. And then they have the nerve to be angry that you don’t want to do it?
Or is this a situation where you are doing something anyway, and they want to tag on their favor? It’s pretty hard for us if you want give us a better sense of what the favor is. Maybe you can make up something that is the same idea, or the same Level of depth of favor.