How do you handle inconsequent/irresponsible guests? (long)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post doesn't sound fake to me. She is just an over tired Mom with incredibly inconsiderate house guests.

You know who else had inconsiderate house guests?

That's right. Hitler.

Just marched them outside in their lederhosen, told them to have a seat on his veranda.

They pleaded. They said they were sorry they drank the last of the milk and left their beds unmade.

And he shot them in the back of the head anyway.

hahahaha
way to bust out godwin's law

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem to be proud of yourself and patting yourelf on the back when you say and do nothing when you are angry and have feelings. Why? Practice saying "NO." Practice voicing your feelings in a calm assertive way. No one cares about your "evil look" and heaven will not reward you for being unassertive and staying quiet when you have something to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to be proud of yourself and patting yourelf on the back when you say and do nothing when you are angry and have feelings. Why? Practice saying "NO." Practice voicing your feelings in a calm assertive way. No one cares about your "evil look" and heaven will not reward you for being unassertive and staying quiet when you have something to say.

You're getting me wrong. I'm here ISO other's insight re what I should have done. As I said before, I'm a clueless FTM trying to figure out what's the right thing to do. It's the first time I had guests over after having the baby and I didn't know how to act. Before baby was here we used to host ALL THE TIME, people would just come and crash, we were used to it, I never really cared. Now, with the baby it's been so hard to keep things in place, we're ordering out most of the time for dinner and eating left overs for lunch; it's not like before when I could just run to the kitchen and cook something for everybody, you know?

[Anonymous]

Well, I would have been very angry, mostly at my DH if he allowed guests to run roughshod over my feelings like yours did. If you felt that things were out of line, I would have spoken to him. Regarding the feeing and caring of your child, you really should have spoken up, unless it is not done in your culture - it sounded like you put the needs of your guests ahead of the needs of your baby. Remember, your baby cannot talk and you have to speak for him or her.

Regarding the feeding and caring for your uninvited houseguests, I would have had my husband pitch in with the cooking and putting their bed in order at the last minute. If these are truly close friends of your husband, they would have understood and thought nothing of it if the guest room was not tidy and breakfast wasn't ready. I cannot imagine being judgemental of another family if I am staying at their house unexpectedly as I wouldn't expect someone to live in a home straight out of a H&G magazine.

[Anonymous]

"you really should have spoken up, unless it is not done in your culture

What the fock????

[Anonymous]

I think you should take the "What would DCUMs do" approach. Compose a DCUM post in your head of the other person's experience.

"My boyfriend and I went to visit his college buddy and the buddy's new baby last weekend. I had a cold, but I just loooooove babies so much that I couldn't keep my hands off the little darling. Do you think the mom was upset that I snuggled her baby while I had the sniffles?"

Now imagine the responses. I'm predicting pages and pages of "you selfish cow, keep your germy mitts off other people's babies!"

So now you know, OP. The next time someone who has admitted to being sick tries to bogart your baby, rest assured that the DCUMs have your back, and you're perfectly justified in saying "I really don't want him to get his first cold just yet" and not handing the kid over.

Oh, and talk to your husband. He needs to run interference on these issues for you. Especially since these people were his friends.

As for the veracity of the post... I believe you had a crap weekend, but it doesn't ring true that they would inform you the girlfriend was sick, show up anyway, and proceed to behave as if she were a picture of health. If they informed you about her cold, they obviously knew it was a no-no, and so it doesn't follow that she would stalk the baby like you say she did. But hey, people are irrational. Whatevs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. English is not my first language and I don't know why this is an issue here. You get what I mean anyway so why nitpick on my grammar or spelling?
Anyway, I'm a FTM and I've read so many times that FTMs are overprotective and that germs are good and blah blah blah I didn't want to be the germophobe mom who doesn't allow people to touch the baby and stuff so I thought the right thing to do was just to suck it up. WWYD?
I BF and we supplement so that's why the baby gets a bottle once in a while. Will you also flame me for feeding the baby formula?
Why am I crazy or delusional? I bet you all would call me cuckoo if I was the mother who doesn't allow anybody to touch her baby...

But you are the germophobe who doesn't want anyone touching her baby. You just didn't tell your guest no. Although it sounds like they probably got the message from your body language. I'm going to guess they won't return for a visit and she's probably typing a message on another forum about what a biyotch you were.

[Anonymous]

OP - What do you mean someone took the baby from you and wouldn't give it back until midnight? Why let a guest push you around? If you wanted the baby back, you take it back.

You can be overprotective if you want. You can insist on handwashing, hand the baby over and just take it back. You are the mom.

If the people truly knocked on your door at 6am to see the baby, they are insane.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are for real, here's my advice: don't invite these people over again.

That's it. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - What do you mean someone took the baby from you and wouldn't give it back until midnight? Why let a guest push you around? If you wanted the baby back, you take it back.

You can be overprotective if you want. You can insist on handwashing, hand the baby over and just take it back. You are the mom.

If the people truly knocked on your door at 6am to see the baby, they are insane.

The baby smiles easy so I'd say "baby is tired can I try to put him to sleep?" the lady said "oh baby looks so happy can I play with him a little longer?" I would answer "It's his bed time, he'll be cranky.." the lady would say "oh no way he's so sweet no way he can be cranky. it's a weekend everybody goes to sleep late!" so annoying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are for real, here's my advice: don't invite these people over again.

That's it. Move on.

They're not invited. They showed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - What do you mean someone took the baby from you and wouldn't give it back until midnight? Why let a guest push you around? If you wanted the baby back, you take it back.

You can be overprotective if you want. You can insist on handwashing, hand the baby over and just take it back. You are the mom.

If the people truly knocked on your door at 6am to see the baby, they are insane.

Ditto. The post read so weird, I actually didn't make it past not getting the kid back for 2 hours. I mean, what?! Take your baby and say you're going to bed. G'night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - What do you mean someone took the baby from you and wouldn't give it back until midnight? Why let a guest push you around? If you wanted the baby back, you take it back.

You can be overprotective if you want. You can insist on handwashing, hand the baby over and just take it back. You are the mom.

If the people truly knocked on your door at 6am to see the baby, they are insane.

The baby smiles easy so I'd say "baby is tired can I try to put him to sleep?" the lady said "oh baby looks so happy can I play with him a little longer?" I would answer "It's his bed time, he'll be cranky.." the lady would say "oh no way he's so sweet no way he can be cranky. it's a weekend everybody goes to sleep late!" so annoying!

You ask what you should have done. Don't ask "can I try to put him to sleep?" You are the mom. You do not need her permission. You are the authority and expert on your baby - not her, or anyone else. Instead, say "It is baby's bedtime, good night everyone", pick up your baby and put him to bed. About the "everybody goes to sleep late" thing: just smile sweetly and say "not babies" in a gentle but firm voice. Seriously, she doesn't have kids yet and she has no idea what she's talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to be proud of yourself and patting yourelf on the back when you say and do nothing when you are angry and have feelings. Why? Practice saying "NO." Practice voicing your feelings in a calm assertive way. No one cares about your "evil look" and heaven will not reward you for being unassertive and staying quiet when you have something to say.

You're getting me wrong. I'm here ISO other's insight re what I should have done. As I said before, I'm a clueless FTM trying to figure out what's the right thing to do. It's the first time I had guests over after having the baby and I didn't know how to act. Before baby was here we used to host ALL THE TIME, people would just come and crash, we were used to it, I never really cared. Now, with the baby it's been so hard to keep things in place, we're ordering out most of the time for dinner and eating left overs for lunch; it's not like before when I could just run to the kitchen and cook something for everybody, you know?

Practice saying "no, that doesn't work for us." It's really okay to say no!

[Anonymous]

I swear this is the foreign, former au pair/nanny woman. This is a HOAX, she is so strong-willed in other posts and now she is some wishy washy push-over. BS. BS. BS.