Are we overhyping companionship?

[Anonymous]

I'm 4 years out and enjoying living alone. When I do go out to meet people, or reconnect with old friends, it's a lot of fun. Even they say that I am so much happier.
My partner cut me off from my friends completely. It should have never happened. Nothing normal about it. I knew it was wrong, but had already had a kid and it was harder to get out.
I may want to have a partner at 60+, but definitely happy being single right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. One year of living alone after a difficult relationship is just healing, OP, and you need it. But it doesn't mean that companionship is over-rated. I think it's under-rated, actually. We need meaningful human connections to keep us from lacking empathy... the opposite of what one billionaire thinks. But those connections don't necessarily have to be romantic, and they don't necessarily mean you need to share your private spaces. Broaden your mind.

You probably misunderstand what that billionaire meant.

Point is, his autism warps his worldview. He himself doesn't need human connection, and he thinks empathy is over-rated. He's wrong.

He's not wrong. Empathy is fine and needed on a micro, interpersonal level, but it does not scale well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. One year of living alone after a difficult relationship is just healing, OP, and you need it. But it doesn't mean that companionship is over-rated. I think it's under-rated, actually. We need meaningful human connections to keep us from lacking empathy... the opposite of what one billionaire thinks. But those connections don't necessarily have to be romantic, and they don't necessarily mean you need to share your private spaces. Broaden your mind.

You probably misunderstand what that billionaire meant.

Point is, his autism warps his worldview. He himself doesn't need human connection, and he thinks empathy is over-rated. He's wrong.

I'm not autistic. I believe empathy is important. I need human connection. But I never need to live with someone in a romantic relationship again. I love living alone. It helps that I am close with a few friends and family members who meet my needs for human connection outside the context of romance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are. Women scream all they long they don't need a man but they are lying. The extent to which women go not be alone is crazy.

Puh-lease. Men approached my mother all the time after she got divorced from my father and she was not interested. She found happiness with friends and family, no man needed. Millions of women do this and drop out of the dating pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are. Women scream all they long they don't need a man but they are lying. The extent to which women go not be alone is crazy.

Puh-lease. Men approached my mother all the time after she got divorced from my father and she was not interested. She found happiness with friends and family, no man needed. Millions of women do this and drop out of the dating pool.

They wanted your mom's vagina

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's now been 1 year since I have been divorced and I am honestly enjoying being alone. I no longer have to abide by some rules from someone who thinks our household has to be led according to their rules. And I can go to bed whenever I want and have undisturbed sleep. When I am out late at work or on a business trip I don't have to to worry about someone swearing on their end that I am cheating despite having never cheated. I can go on and on.. We have 50/50 custody. When I have my kids we have a better time together. My son is a teenager now so he is in his own universe. My daughter is 12 and she really loves me and I love her equally. The time we spent together now is more fulfilling.

I guess some people want daily sex, I don't. It has not been difficult for me to find an attractive woman that was willing to sleep with me. I have a friend who calls me when she wants some and i call her as well when in need of sex. I just won't get into a relationship with anyone.To me it's not worth the hassle.

Some people thought have amazing relationships and I hope it stays that way for them. But for some of us I wonder if we are being forced into a companionship/relationship because that's what adults are supposed to be in....

Is companionship overrated?

Depends on your nature and your companion. You could be a married to a saint but yourself be a bad partner and after breakup feel happy and never realize that problem isn't companionship or the companion but you yourself.

Some people aren't cut out for responsibilities and teamwork. They can't care for others and if put in such equation, want out. That's why knowing yourself is as important as knowing your companion.

[Anonymous]

I’m with you OP. I’m still married as my kids are young, but I’m absolutely miserable. Counting down the years until I can get out and be on my own. My husband is a narcissistic abuser, I get nothing from him but financial security and maybe the thought that our children will have an ok life (but they won’t because of his abuse patterns). I hate how my life has turned out and wish that I could get out every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you OP. I’m still married as my kids are young, but I’m absolutely miserable. Counting down the years until I can get out and be on my own. My husband is a narcissistic abuser, I get nothing from him but financial security and maybe the thought that our children will have an ok life (but they won’t because of his abuse patterns). I hate how my life has turned out and wish that I could get out every day.

Oh yikes. Order the book Splitting. It's a guide to divorcing a narcissist and it's very helpful. The "financial security" is (probably) not worth your sanity. I'm not saying run to a lawyer and file for divorce right away but staying with this person even though you have young kids is going to kill you slowly. Wish I could give you a hug. Also wish I had gotten out sooner, so I understand your POV, but I did not identify my ex as a narcissist until our kids were grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is overrated. Men relish solitude more than women.

Hmmm. Not sure about this, at least for women over 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's now been 1 year since I have been divorced and I am honestly enjoying being alone. I no longer have to abide by some rules from someone who thinks our household has to be led according to their rules. And I can go to bed whenever I want and have undisturbed sleep. When I am out late at work or on a business trip I don't have to to worry about someone swearing on their end that I am cheating despite having never cheated. I can go on and on.. We have 50/50 custody. When I have my kids we have a better time together. My son is a teenager now so he is in his own universe. My daughter is 12 and she really loves me and I love her equally. The time we spent together now is more fulfilling.

I guess some people want daily sex, I don't. It has not been difficult for me to find an attractive woman that was willing to sleep with me. I have a friend who calls me when she wants some and i call her as well when in need of sex. I just won't get into a relationship with anyone.To me it's not worth the hassle.

Some people thought have amazing relationships and I hope it stays that way for them. But for some of us I wonder if we are being forced into a companionship/relationship because that's what adults are supposed to be in....

Is companionship overrated?

Depends on your nature and your companion. You could be a married to a saint but yourself be a bad partner and after breakup feel happy and never realize that problem isn't companionship or the companion but you yourself.

Some people aren't cut out for responsibilities and teamwork. They can't care for others and if put in such equation, want out. That's why knowing yourself is as important as knowing your companion.

Some people can care for others, and we've been doing it our whole lives, and we're done. The last thing we need is another person to take care of. Being alone means not being a caretaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. One year of living alone after a difficult relationship is just healing, OP, and you need it. But it doesn't mean that companionship is over-rated. I think it's under-rated, actually. We need meaningful human connections to keep us from lacking empathy... the opposite of what one billionaire thinks. But those connections don't necessarily have to be romantic, and they don't necessarily mean you need to share your private spaces. Broaden your mind.

You probably misunderstand what that billionaire meant.

Point is, his autism warps his worldview. He himself doesn't need human connection, and he thinks empathy is over-rated. He's wrong.

He's not wrong. Empathy is fine and needed on a micro, interpersonal level, but it does not scale well.

You need a history refresher.

Empathy is what got you limited daily work hours, work-free weekends, paid time off, and sick leave.
Empathy is what got you the modern healthcare system, however flawed it is in the US.
Empathy is what got people pensions, and social security.
Empathy is what got people CPS (child protective services), and a nationwide alert system to look for missing children.

You have no clue how much you owe to people before you who were thoughtful and caring and who wanted others to live long and healthy lives and have some joy in the process.

You are so, so, blind. What a little worm you are.

[Anonymous]

Woman here and OP, your life sounds awesome. No need to apologize or ask permission...you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are. Women scream all they long they don't need a man but they are lying. The extent to which women go not be alone is crazy.

Puh-lease. Men approached my mother all the time after she got divorced from my father and she was not interested. She found happiness with friends and family, no man needed. Millions of women do this and drop out of the dating pool.

They wanted your mom's vagina

+1

Also, her cooking, cleaning, laundry, and caregiving skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. One year of living alone after a difficult relationship is just healing, OP, and you need it. But it doesn't mean that companionship is over-rated. I think it's under-rated, actually. We need meaningful human connections to keep us from lacking empathy... the opposite of what one billionaire thinks. But those connections don't necessarily have to be romantic, and they don't necessarily mean you need to share your private spaces. Broaden your mind.

You probably misunderstand what that billionaire meant.

Point is, his autism warps his worldview. He himself doesn't need human connection, and he thinks empathy is over-rated. He's wrong.

He's not wrong. Empathy is fine and needed on a micro, interpersonal level, but it does not scale well.

You need a history refresher.

Empathy is what got you limited daily work hours, work-free weekends, paid time off, and sick leave.
Empathy is what got you the modern healthcare system, however flawed it is in the US.
Empathy is what got people pensions, and social security.
Empathy is what got people CPS (child protective services), and a nationwide alert system to look for missing children.

You have no clue how much you owe to people before you who were thoughtful and caring and who wanted others to live long and healthy lives and have some joy in the process.

You are so, so, blind. What a little worm you are.

Yeah, no. Empathy is what has idiots try to craft policy tailored to the feelings of exceptional edge cases, no matter what distortions or malign second and third order effects it brings for the majority. Empathy is what has people trying to humanize and cater to enemies who could give two shits about you, your family or their wellbeing. Empathy leads to the relaxation of standards and the degradation of culture that will eventually have you usurped by enemies who care not. Try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. One year of living alone after a difficult relationship is just healing, OP, and you need it. But it doesn't mean that companionship is over-rated. I think it's under-rated, actually. We need meaningful human connections to keep us from lacking empathy... the opposite of what one billionaire thinks. But those connections don't necessarily have to be romantic, and they don't necessarily mean you need to share your private spaces. Broaden your mind.

You probably misunderstand what that billionaire meant.

Point is, his autism warps his worldview. He himself doesn't need human connection, and he thinks empathy is over-rated. He's wrong.

He's not wrong. Empathy is fine and needed on a micro, interpersonal level, but it does not scale well.

You need a history refresher.

Empathy is what got you limited daily work hours, work-free weekends, paid time off, and sick leave.
Empathy is what got you the modern healthcare system, however flawed it is in the US.
Empathy is what got people pensions, and social security.
Empathy is what got people CPS (child protective services), and a nationwide alert system to look for missing children.

You have no clue how much you owe to people before you who were thoughtful and caring and who wanted others to live long and healthy lives and have some joy in the process.

You are so, so, blind. What a little worm you are.

Yeah, no. Empathy is what has idiots try to craft policy tailored to the feelings of exceptional edge cases, no matter what distortions or malign second and third order effects it brings for the majority. Empathy is what has people trying to humanize and cater to enemies who could give two shits about you, your family or their wellbeing. Empathy leads to the relaxation of standards and the degradation of culture that will eventually have you usurped by enemies who care not. Try again.

As always the happy medium that allows for a spectrum of responses depending on the situation and person makes for a more balanced society.