Entering an EA

[Anonymous]

Probably should divorce.
Your husbands behaviors and actions appear to be a deal breaker for you - which is fair.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Don’t do it at work, when it ends and it will have to end, it will be harder to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Your post is self serving and seeks crowdsourced validation for your own bad behavior. We are supposed to say you deserve to cheat because your spouse made you do it. If you were a man on this forum you’d be strung up and vilified.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it OP. If your feelings for your work friend and his for you turn out to be real--it will be the most miserable and painful experience of your life.

I've been in an EA (infrequent and now ended PA because of guilt and shame) for over a decade. We love each other. Deepest confidants. Devoted friends. Long term commitment to be in each other lives. But we cannot be together. Neither of us can blow up families. (I know I'm about to get flamed. We both have extenuating circumstances in our marriages and in many ways, the emotional satisfaction from this relationship has probably prolonged marriages.) We try to keep a distance physically (the physical temptation makes it impossible to be alone) but we are each others first phone call on the way to work, last text message before bed.

As much as I deeply love him, it is also what tortures me most. Even after all these years.

If you want to be with someone else, leave NOW and go be with that person. Getting into a forbidden love is honestly the worst possible thing. It will lead you nowhere but heartache and it will leave whatever chance you have to be happy in your marriage ruined.

Please take this advice. RUN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it OP. If your feelings for your work friend and his for you turn out to be real--it will be the most miserable and painful experience of your life.

I've been in an EA (infrequent and now ended PA because of guilt and shame) for over a decade. We love each other. Deepest confidants. Devoted friends. Long term commitment to be in each other lives. But we cannot be together. Neither of us can blow up families. (I know I'm about to get flamed. We both have extenuating circumstances in our marriages and in many ways, the emotional satisfaction from this relationship has probably prolonged marriages.) We try to keep a distance physically (the physical temptation makes it impossible to be alone) but we are each others first phone call on the way to work, last text message before bed.

As much as I deeply love him, it is also what tortures me most. Even after all these years.

If you want to be with someone else, leave NOW and go be with that person. Getting into a forbidden love is honestly the worst possible thing. It will lead you nowhere but heartache and it will leave whatever chance you have to be happy in your marriage ruined.

Please take this advice. RUN.

This poster knows. All of this.

[Anonymous]

Why is it so painful and miserable if the feelings are mutual and there is such a deep emotional connection, even if you can't live together? Is it truly better to be married to someone with whom you are not connected emotionally and feel so lonely because there is no one else to confide in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it OP. If your feelings for your work friend and his for you turn out to be real--it will be the most miserable and painful experience of your life.

I've been in an EA (infrequent and now ended PA because of guilt and shame) for over a decade. We love each other. Deepest confidants. Devoted friends. Long term commitment to be in each other lives. But we cannot be together. Neither of us can blow up families. (I know I'm about to get flamed. We both have extenuating circumstances in our marriages and in many ways, the emotional satisfaction from this relationship has probably prolonged marriages.) We try to keep a distance physically (the physical temptation makes it impossible to be alone) but we are each others first phone call on the way to work, last text message before bed.

As much as I deeply love him, it is also what tortures me most. Even after all these years.

If you want to be with someone else, leave NOW and go be with that person. Getting into a forbidden love is honestly the worst possible thing. It will lead you nowhere but heartache and it will leave whatever chance you have to be happy in your marriage ruined.

Please take this advice. RUN.

“But honey, I was banging my secretary to *save* our marriage!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is all about you. There will be collateral damage - to your DH, your kids, your colleague’s wife and family. Why are you ok hurting other people?

I get you, OP, or at least I think I do from my own experience. If you follow through with this you’ll have good times and probably all the downsides mentioned above. But you have only one life to live, so weigh the consequences and make an informed choice that you’ll either be unhappy with only DH or cause lots of strife if you pursue the EA. You don’t have a good option here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it OP. If your feelings for your work friend and his for you turn out to be real--it will be the most miserable and painful experience of your life.

I've been in an EA (infrequent and now ended PA because of guilt and shame) for over a decade. We love each other. Deepest confidants. Devoted friends. Long term commitment to be in each other lives. But we cannot be together. Neither of us can blow up families. (I know I'm about to get flamed. We both have extenuating circumstances in our marriages and in many ways, the emotional satisfaction from this relationship has probably prolonged marriages.) We try to keep a distance physically (the physical temptation makes it impossible to be alone) but we are each others first phone call on the way to work, last text message before bed.

As much as I deeply love him, it is also what tortures me most. Even after all these years.

If you want to be with someone else, leave NOW and go be with that person. Getting into a forbidden love is honestly the worst possible thing. It will lead you nowhere but heartache and it will leave whatever chance you have to be happy in your marriage ruined.

Please take this advice. RUN.

If this is indeed such a burning love why won’t you pursue your happiness? Do you think your spouses are really oblivious? You must be Oscar-worthy actors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it OP. If your feelings for your work friend and his for you turn out to be real--it will be the most miserable and painful experience of your life.

I've been in an EA (infrequent and now ended PA because of guilt and shame) for over a decade. We love each other. Deepest confidants. Devoted friends. Long term commitment to be in each other lives. But we cannot be together. Neither of us can blow up families. (I know I'm about to get flamed. We both have extenuating circumstances in our marriages and in many ways, the emotional satisfaction from this relationship has probably prolonged marriages.) We try to keep a distance physically (the physical temptation makes it impossible to be alone) but we are each others first phone call on the way to work, last text message before bed.

As much as I deeply love him, it is also what tortures me most. Even after all these years.

If you want to be with someone else, leave NOW and go be with that person. Getting into a forbidden love is honestly the worst possible thing. It will lead you nowhere but heartache and it will leave whatever chance you have to be happy in your marriage ruined.

Please take this advice. RUN.

If this is indeed such a burning love why won’t you pursue your happiness? Do you think your spouses are really oblivious? You must be Oscar-worthy actors.

New poster here. You make a lot of assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it OP. If your feelings for your work friend and his for you turn out to be real--it will be the most miserable and painful experience of your life.

I've been in an EA (infrequent and now ended PA because of guilt and shame) for over a decade. We love each other. Deepest confidants. Devoted friends. Long term commitment to be in each other lives. But we cannot be together. Neither of us can blow up families. (I know I'm about to get flamed. We both have extenuating circumstances in our marriages and in many ways, the emotional satisfaction from this relationship has probably prolonged marriages.) We try to keep a distance physically (the physical temptation makes it impossible to be alone) but we are each others first phone call on the way to work, last text message before bed.

As much as I deeply love him, it is also what tortures me most. Even after all these years.

If you want to be with someone else, leave NOW and go be with that person. Getting into a forbidden love is honestly the worst possible thing. It will lead you nowhere but heartache and it will leave whatever chance you have to be happy in your marriage ruined.

Please take this advice. RUN.

“But honey, I was banging my secretary to *save* our marriage!”

It’s sometimes true, though. EA took away the feeling of resentment towards my spouse. I let many potential fights fizzle out, because there is a funny or sweet message on my phone, and I have no time or interest in arguing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it OP. If your feelings for your work friend and his for you turn out to be real--it will be the most miserable and painful experience of your life.

I've been in an EA (infrequent and now ended PA because of guilt and shame) for over a decade. We love each other. Deepest confidants. Devoted friends. Long term commitment to be in each other lives. But we cannot be together. Neither of us can blow up families. (I know I'm about to get flamed. We both have extenuating circumstances in our marriages and in many ways, the emotional satisfaction from this relationship has probably prolonged marriages.) We try to keep a distance physically (the physical temptation makes it impossible to be alone) but we are each others first phone call on the way to work, last text message before bed.

As much as I deeply love him, it is also what tortures me most. Even after all these years.

If you want to be with someone else, leave NOW and go be with that person. Getting into a forbidden love is honestly the worst possible thing. It will lead you nowhere but heartache and it will leave whatever chance you have to be happy in your marriage ruined.

Please take this advice. RUN.

“But honey, I was banging my secretary to *save* our marriage!”

It’s sometimes true, though. EA took away the feeling of resentment towards my spouse. I let many potential fights fizzle out, because there is a funny or sweet message on my phone, and I have no time or interest in arguing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it OP. If your feelings for your work friend and his for you turn out to be real--it will be the most miserable and painful experience of your life.

I've been in an EA (infrequent and now ended PA because of guilt and shame) for over a decade. We love each other. Deepest confidants. Devoted friends. Long term commitment to be in each other lives. But we cannot be together. Neither of us can blow up families. (I know I'm about to get flamed. We both have extenuating circumstances in our marriages and in many ways, the emotional satisfaction from this relationship has probably prolonged marriages.) We try to keep a distance physically (the physical temptation makes it impossible to be alone) but we are each others first phone call on the way to work, last text message before bed.

As much as I deeply love him, it is also what tortures me most. Even after all these years.

If you want to be with someone else, leave NOW and go be with that person. Getting into a forbidden love is honestly the worst possible thing. It will lead you nowhere but heartache and it will leave whatever chance you have to be happy in your marriage ruined.

Please take this advice. RUN.

“But honey, I was banging my secretary to *save* our marriage!”

It’s sometimes true, though. EA took away the feeling of resentment towards my spouse. I let many potential fights fizzle out, because there is a funny or sweet message on my phone, and I have no time or interest in arguing.

A detached relationship where you refuse to communicate in order to avoid conflict is BETTER than divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it OP. If your feelings for your work friend and his for you turn out to be real--it will be the most miserable and painful experience of your life.

I've been in an EA (infrequent and now ended PA because of guilt and shame) for over a decade. We love each other. Deepest confidants. Devoted friends. Long term commitment to be in each other lives. But we cannot be together. Neither of us can blow up families. (I know I'm about to get flamed. We both have extenuating circumstances in our marriages and in many ways, the emotional satisfaction from this relationship has probably prolonged marriages.) We try to keep a distance physically (the physical temptation makes it impossible to be alone) but we are each others first phone call on the way to work, last text message before bed.

As much as I deeply love him, it is also what tortures me most. Even after all these years.

If you want to be with someone else, leave NOW and go be with that person. Getting into a forbidden love is honestly the worst possible thing. It will lead you nowhere but heartache and it will leave whatever chance you have to be happy in your marriage ruined.

Please take this advice. RUN.

“But honey, I was banging my secretary to *save* our marriage!”

It’s sometimes true, though. EA took away the feeling of resentment towards my spouse. I let many potential fights fizzle out, because there is a funny or sweet message on my phone, and I have no time or interest in arguing.

I don't think you did your spouse, your kids, or yourself any favors by taking this approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it OP. If your feelings for your work friend and his for you turn out to be real--it will be the most miserable and painful experience of your life.

I've been in an EA (infrequent and now ended PA because of guilt and shame) for over a decade. We love each other. Deepest confidants. Devoted friends. Long term commitment to be in each other lives. But we cannot be together. Neither of us can blow up families. (I know I'm about to get flamed. We both have extenuating circumstances in our marriages and in many ways, the emotional satisfaction from this relationship has probably prolonged marriages.) We try to keep a distance physically (the physical temptation makes it impossible to be alone) but we are each others first phone call on the way to work, last text message before bed.

As much as I deeply love him, it is also what tortures me most. Even after all these years.

If you want to be with someone else, leave NOW and go be with that person. Getting into a forbidden love is honestly the worst possible thing. It will lead you nowhere but heartache and it will leave whatever chance you have to be happy in your marriage ruined.

Please take this advice. RUN.

“But honey, I was banging my secretary to *save* our marriage!”

It’s sometimes true, though. EA took away the feeling of resentment towards my spouse. I let many potential fights fizzle out, because there is a funny or sweet message on my phone, and I have no time or interest in arguing.

I don't think you did your spouse, your kids, or yourself any favors by taking this approach.

You don’t and I do. My spouse loves bickering, and until now I took the bait. It’s draining. I grey rock now and feel wonderful after years of being in a fight mode.