Does anyone else feel that trying g to be a nice person has not benefited them?

[Anonymous]

The increasing economic inequality leads to people being more competitive and less nice - basically walking over people who are nice.

[Anonymous]

There’s a difference between being kind and being a doormat. You can be kind and still set boundaries with people.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you talking about being kind in your personal life or professional life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check your motivations and your desires.

Kindness is not a tool to getting what you want. You still have to advocate for yourself and be self-serving at times. Otherwise you are trying to manipulate.

Kindness is a mindset or care and concern. An act of love and acceptance. If you aim to be kind in all ways, it pays off.

Very well said.

[Anonymous]

1) Being unkind can also bite you in the ass, so why not be kind?

2) You need to find the line between being kind to others and being a people pleaser to the extent that it’s truly detrimental to you. Be kind to yourself, as well as others.

[Anonymous]

No- but it depends on what benefits you are looking for - IMO there is little cost to being kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a difference between being kind and being a doormat. You can be kind and still set boundaries with people.

Yes, this. But also, my motivation for being kind is not to benefit myself. That’s a weird way of looking at it. The point is to do what’s right, be a good person, and help others. Putting others before yourself is key in many religions, but you don’t need to be religious to do it.

[Anonymous]

You need to realize that some people and situations are deserving of kindness and others are not.

[Anonymous]

I am channeling being kind and thoughtful in certain ways. Like volunteering. However, my overt kindness has made my coworkers feel like I am inclined to put in MORE than my fair share. That is not true. Some of my coworkers are lazy. So my fair share looks like a lot.

[Anonymous]

No but working hard to have things and someone taking advantage of that has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a difference between being kind and being a doormat. You can be kind and still set boundaries with people.

Yes, this. But also, my motivation for being kind is not to benefit myself. That’s a weird way of looking at it. The point is to do what’s right, be a good person, and help others. Putting others before yourself is key in many religions, but you don’t need to be religious to do it.

Being kind and being good often have different motivations. Kindnesses are often done quietly and can be more intrinsically motivated, while doing good is often more public and extrinsically motivated—even the term “do-gooding” suggests it can be performative at times.

If you’re at the point of resentment, listen to yourself, and see if focusing on kindness rather than being/doing good helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know that sounds terrible and we should strive to be nice people just to be decent but I’ve found that being nice/kind has not benefited me in the least and many times has come back to bite me. Does anyone else feel the same way?

That's because you are fundamentally not a nice person.

Read the chain about friends who don't return invites. Lots of folks insist on transactional friendships. Fundamentally nice people never do this. You get back what you put out in this world. You put out that you only want something in return, so you won't get "nice" in return for that. You will attract transactional people like yourself - and they aren't really nice people. They want to take more than they give.

[Anonymous]

It’s not supposed to help you, directly, other than to allow you the peace you can receive from being kind. It’s for others and as others have said it has to be its own reward. It’s the only way to create the society we want, by embodying it. There’s no other way. But it’s not like an instant karma gift comes right back atcha. I am kind and I feel rewarded in that people chat to me, people smile at me, they’re nice to my kids, they enjoy interacting with me. What more are you expecting?

[Anonymous]

Yes of course but that doesn’t discourage me. It shows that kindness is needed more than ever. There is a cost. But that just proves that kind people are stronger and more brave than selfish people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not supposed to help you, directly, other than to allow you the peace you can receive from being kind. It’s for others and as others have said it has to be its own reward. It’s the only way to create the society we want, by embodying it. There’s no other way. But it’s not like an instant karma gift comes right back atcha. I am kind and I feel rewarded in that people chat to me, people smile at me, they’re nice to my kids, they enjoy interacting with me. What more are you expecting?

I think OP is expecting not to be crapped on and taken advantage of. Being kind may be its own reward, but sometimes it leads to pain when people take advantage or are cruel in response.