Please do not sugarcoat for me
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Anonymous
I want validation. When I get compliments I know for a fact they’re lying My brain just so messed up. Every waking minute is torture |
Anonymous
No im not online. I dont go out of my way to get any attention. I just crave it. Im so jealous of everyone who has it easy when it comes to having friends etc |
Anonymous
A therapist could help you work through the effects of the bullying you suffered. A life coach can help you set goals and mini goals. Many people who are in therapy are miserable because changing oneself is hard. Many of us have trauma to work through which involves feeling emotional pain. Through that misery, we grow. |
Anonymous
See, it's not easy. Some people make it look easy, but you don't know how these social people feel later on at home. It is exhausting! Most people love to talk about themselves, their interests and the kids or pets. Social adept people ask all the right questions to get a person talking. These people then feeling good about themselves and that good feeling is attributed to the social person. Problem is, no one asks her about her interests, etc. |
Anonymous
A lot of people get drawn to me because I listen to them talking about themselves. I’m naturally very curious and ask a lot of questions which makes people talk even more. OP, start caring about other people, ask questions about them and really listen. |
Anonymous
You said you have a job. So hopefully that comes with health insurance. Line up a therapist. You need help. More help than kind people on a message board can give. You need professional help. |
Anonymous
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I think you definitely need therapy - it can only be helpful to you!
OP - I suspect you have a lot of great qualities, but you are kind of telling yourself "no" on many fronts before anyone else even gets the chance to meet you. I really encourage you to try working with a therapist- sometimes takes a few to find the right fit, persist. Re: looks - those are a "door opener" but I bet all of us on this thread can tell stories of someone we became attracted to NOT to do wtih looks - as we gradually got to know them. I say all this to emphasize - even if you are ugly (and I'm sure you're not) - even then - there is a match for you. But I think some therapy and exploration here will help. The thing with therapy is it will work better if you become an active partner in trying to do some effort as guided by your therapist to make change - so you will have to do work to make it work. I believe there are bright moments ahead for you OP - I wish you success, and I acknowledge your frustration. Sending a boost from suburbia. |
Anonymous
OP, I'm an introvert who was bullied all through school - K-12 - by both schoolmates and family. I went into adulthood with the mindset that nobody ever wanted to be associated with me, because that's how it was for me as a child. Having friends has NOT come easily to me - I've had to learn from mistakes, be friends with people who give a lot of grace, and work really, really hard at it. Like, I have stood a block away from a party I'm attending and cry out the stress, before wiping my face and going in. I have had to call one friend to give me a pep talk to go meet other friends. Making and being a friend takes concentrated effort. |
Anonymous
| There are good books on how to make small talk and carry conversation. Learning a few tricks could help. Developing interests will make you more interesting too. Try to take some small steps like these and see what happens. I’m sorry you are down. |
Anonymous
Nope. Zero effort gets you zero friends. At least as an adult. I'm highly introverted and don't have a lot of energy. It's resulted in my being unable to keep any friendships up. It takes real effort to do so, especially the older we get. I watched a video about why it is so hard to make friends and keep them as we get older and it is because you need 3 things: 1) proximity, 2) to basically be in the same stage in life or at least dealing with similar things, and 3) energy/vibe -- which is that thing where you just like someone and are willing to put the effort in to keeping connected. It's actually really, really hard to hit all three as an adult. I have a DH (that was relatively easy for me, because of looks). Thank heavens for him, because he's great. But I really can't keep up with anyone else. Just truly don't have the energy. I'm guessing you are not unlikeable at all -- you are probably totally likeable. It's just the zero effort thing. Know that you are not alone with this issue. Especially in an area like DC with many being so transient. |
Anonymous
This sounds like very serious depression, OP. Your thinking is probably distorted. |
Anonymous
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First off, you need to practice some personal, self-love.
If you think you are ugly, worthless, etc. I imagine you are projecting all of that toxicity around to anyone who even comes into contact with you. Also you DO need to make effort. Especially if you are older. It’s just how things evolve. Take more pride in your appearance…. Try to look better than simply presentable. Be interesting. Partake in a hobby, volunteer your time + service to a cause that you are passionate about. Doing this will definitely make you a more interesting as well as attractive person. You might also consider seeking therapy if you are finding it difficult to get out of your negative mindset. No one should ever walk around telling themselves that they are ugly. All the best to you. 🤗 |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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1) Your lack of self worth and confidence is what people are picking up on. It may be they think you are aloof, boring or in some way simply uninterested.
2) you have to show interest. To become friendly with someone you have to show interest in them on any level, small interactions grow in length and number 3) people are busy and don’t want to spend time with a someone who needs constant affirmations or convincing to have fun 4) friendship takes time |
Anonymous
| Put an ad up as an escort. It will validate that men find you appealing. |