Please do not sugarcoat for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I wake up - go to work - come home - repeat.

What do I have to do to meet someone?
I think I’m not normal or mentally ill or something. Why does no one like me?

I have no friends or partner and yes I make 0 effort, however statistically speaking even if I make 0 effort I should have atleast a few people. But am I that unlikeable? Disgusting? Hard to look at? Worthless?
I am a shame to this world and my species.
Speaking of effort, I did try to initiate in high school, that never went well.

All this I keep in my head, I act normal in real life ofc I wouldnt go on this tangent at work. But I am just miserable from this.
No one likes me and Im ugly. That must be it. How do I help myself?

Troll

Even Reddit has better I’m Alone OPs than this.

Didn’t your mom or dad ever tell you you gotta get out there, smile and talk to people!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I dont know how to make small talk. Can you please help me learn?

I agree its a 2 way street. 100%. However should I initite every single time? I have done it in the past and it never leads anywhere. No I don’t put myself out there. I don’t know I expect someone to just appear and chase me. Im being serious.

I crave constant validation especially from men.

Yeah, saying you crave constant validation from men is a huge red flag. You need therapy for sure - you should be able to give yourself your own validation. You know who's really great at small talk? Hairdressers. That's how I really honed the art of it.

Huge troll signal

[Anonymous]

Have you ever sold something? You probably had to clean it and advertise it. Same thing for yourself. 🤦‍♂️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am Op

When I say no effort I mean I never initiate, but honestly (please dont sugarcoat it) shouldnt SOMEONE have initiated something at first? Noone ever has. And im not unaware. People dont like me.

I shower everyday, smell nice, prioritize oral hygiene, Im not overweight. I am not a racist or extreme leftist. I know not to talk politics and I am not an annoying or rude person.

I am pretty sure that I am just not special. I am not worth something. People just dont care about me

You have to make like Ariel and be where the people are.

The day I met my husband I wanted to spend the night on the sofa watching a movie but I forced myself out with friends and met him at a bar.

You aren’t going to meet someone at work nor should you aim to.

Join a church or a coed softball team or a running group or a mixer on meetup. Take a night class, work habitat for humanity, go to a popular gym, hire a matchmaker - whatever you need to do to maximize your interactions with the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

What do you look like and how old are you? What do you typically wear?

[Anonymous]

Therapy stat. And don't sugarcoat it with your therapist. I agree with others who say you sound deeply depressed. There's more inside you than you know but you've built this armor and you're telling yourself you can take any abuse that's hurled your way here. You deserve better for yourself. This is a good cry for help. I hope you find help and peace. You are loved and you are loveable.

[Anonymous]

You need to find an activity that you like to do.

Take a Smithsonian class.
Find a hiking group through PATC
Take a wine tasting class
Find a community of faith that has an active singles group
Find a biking group
Take a class at the Torpedo factory

[Anonymous]

I think most people do online dating now or at least join coed softball or something. It’s very unlikely to just happen at work or the grocery store. You have to do SOMETHING.

[Anonymous]

You need to completely change the way you go about your day. Even if you are faking it for now.

You want people to initiate with you, pick you, make you feel seen. Start doing this for others. You are not entitled to that which you are not even giving to others.

Begin noticing people, engage in conversation, make eye contact, smile, reflect back interest etc. it doesn’t have to be overly performative. It’s more of a shift.

In the meantime you absolutely must get yourself help and support. Take an exercise class, start interviewing therapists, get yourself some spirituality or self healing books.

Even if you engage with someone and get dates the issues that brought you to this moment in life and the sense of self loathing will come into any relationship you try to create with others. This will require ongoing repair and work. Start now. Your life can look and feel very different but it will require a lift! There is no short cut to the joy and satisfaction you seek.

Be empowered and hopeful that there are things you can be instead of feeling downtrodden.

[Anonymous]

How many resumes did you send out when looking for a job? Making a connection is work. Most connections don't lead anywhere. Don't be easy on yourself, expecting it to just happen. Make a commitment to speak to a new person every day. Ideally a man (or your choice) around your age. No wedding ring. But all kinds of people who are around you can expand your social circle. People have brothers or neighbors or sons or friends. Making a connection, to anyone, may lead somewhere.

It takes work.

[Anonymous]

Most people I know who are perpetually single are really boring people. Could that be it?

[Anonymous]

Definitely therapy. Also, find something to take care of so that you get out of your own head. Friendship is thinking of others and paying attention to them. Maybe even just start with a plant. Talk to it and water it and learn about how to care for whatever specific kind of plant you choose, and help it thrive. Or volunteer somewhere that requires you to consider other people and their perspectives in some way, like serving food at a soup kitchen. This will help you dwell less on your negative assumptions about yourself.