Are you tired of whiny millennial parents / co-workers

[Anonymous]

I feel you OP. I'm an RN at the VA, meaning we get a very generous amount of leave as feds compared to RNs in other hospitals. We have a wiiiide age range among the RNs, from 25 yo to ~65 yo.

100% of us have children, some still at home and others grown now. But at some point, 100% of us have had small children at home.

The amount of time that the current under-40 crowd is away from work is nothing short of astonishing. They take all their sick days and vacation days (ok) and then they KEEP taking days off, calling out at the last minute. Three of these nurses don't have paid childcare - they just juggle with their spouse or have Mom do it. And when spouse or Mom gets the sniffles or has their own doctor appt? Why naturally my coworkers call out sick.

We -- Gen X -- absolutely did not act like this. I have no idea what has led the current crop of Millennial parents to conclude that they only need to show their face at work about 75% of the time and shove their work onto the conscientious RNs who don't call out every few days.

[Anonymous]

I'm Gen X and also "figured it out" but a significant factor in this would be whether OP is married and what role his wife played in "figuring it out."

I'm a woman and I gave up A LOT in order to figure out childcare when my kids were young. Way more than my DH. And my DH is a good guy and a great dad. But we also went through some challenges especially when the kids were really small -- he didn't take as much of a role in figuring out childcare as I hoped and sometimes he was downright entitled (I remember when I was pregnant and looking at childcare spots, he refused to come tour any with me and said he was too busy at work and, in any case, I'd be doing all the drop off and pick up anyway right?). My career took a huge backseat and we fought over it. With time DH stepped up and we are in a way better place now and he's a full partner and doesn't leave all the kid stuff to me. But it took us years to get there and also now we have it easier in general because our kids are older and don't need childcare every second of the day plus go to school.

So if I worked in OP's workplace, I'd be very supportive and understanding of coworkers with little kids trying to figure out childcare with RTO. I wound up leaving a job when my kid was 8 months old because my company restricted WFH to one day a week after previously being more flexible, and it was a massive disruption to my childcare schedule which I'd structured around WFH three days a week and being able to easily run the baby to a nanny share down the street on those days (we hosted the share the other days). It sucks a lot to put effort and money into working out a schedule that works and then having your office make a change that totally upends it.

So yeah, unless OP is a single dad or was the primary parent when his kids were small, I would view him as the out of touch old guy who never really had to deal with childcare issues in the first place.

For the record my DH who was a jerk about this stuff when our kids were small is way more self aware now and would never criticize coworkers this way. He's in a management position now and he's used what he learned in our family to become very accommodating to people on his staff with young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. I'm an RN at the VA, meaning we get a very generous amount of leave as feds compared to RNs in other hospitals. We have a wiiiide age range among the RNs, from 25 yo to ~65 yo.

100% of us have children, some still at home and others grown now. But at some point, 100% of us have had small children at home.

The amount of time that the current under-40 crowd is away from work is nothing short of astonishing. They take all their sick days and vacation days (ok) and then they KEEP taking days off, calling out at the last minute. Three of these nurses don't have paid childcare - they just juggle with their spouse or have Mom do it. And when spouse or Mom gets the sniffles or has their own doctor appt? Why naturally my coworkers call out sick.

We -- Gen X -- absolutely did not act like this. I have no idea what has led the current crop of Millennial parents to conclude that they only need to show their face at work about 75% of the time and shove their work onto the conscientious RNs who don't call out every few days.

Childcare was way more affordable and available 20 years ago. Also, HOUSES were way less expensive 20 years ago, so there was more money in general sloshing around.

Fed salaries especially have declined relative to COL in last 20 years, you should be aware of that.

It was also more acceptable to leave kids alone and do less things 20 years ago -- now people will call CPS if your kid is walking home alone at age 8, meanwhile I did that in kinder.

[Anonymous]

Gen X is really shaping up to be the new boomers, eh?

Let's see you survive, pre-gramps...

Rent: $2572/mo
Utilities: $350 (water, power, trash, internet)
Health insurance: $416/mo (is the half we pay & company pays other half)
Eye insurance: $50/mo ($25 ea for both me & hubby - kid is covered under health insurance)
Dental insurance: $44/mo ($22 eas for both me & hubby - kid is covered under health insurance)
Car 1: $0 - paid off
Car 1 insurance: $40/mo
Car 2: $216/mo but paying $400/mo so it will be paid off by July
Car 2 insurance: $65/mo
Student loan 1: $683/mo
Student loan 2: $515/mo
Daycare for 18 mo: $1314/mo
=$6096

And that doesn't even include groceries, tolls/gas/car expenses, personal care items, or other monthly expenses.

And yes, we've been trying to buy a house for 3 years now. We keep getting outbid, like, $50k-$70k outbid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. I'm an RN at the VA, meaning we get a very generous amount of leave as feds compared to RNs in other hospitals. We have a wiiiide age range among the RNs, from 25 yo to ~65 yo.

100% of us have children, some still at home and others grown now. But at some point, 100% of us have had small children at home.

The amount of time that the current under-40 crowd is away from work is nothing short of astonishing. They take all their sick days and vacation days (ok) and then they KEEP taking days off, calling out at the last minute. Three of these nurses don't have paid childcare - they just juggle with their spouse or have Mom do it. And when spouse or Mom gets the sniffles or has their own doctor appt? Why naturally my coworkers call out sick.

We -- Gen X -- absolutely did not act like this. I have no idea what has led the current crop of Millennial parents to conclude that they only need to show their face at work about 75% of the time and shove their work onto the conscientious RNs who don't call out every few days.

Childcare was way more affordable and available 20 years ago. Also, HOUSES were way less expensive 20 years ago, so there was more money in general sloshing around.

Fed salaries especially have declined relative to COL in last 20 years, you should be aware of that.

It was also more acceptable to leave kids alone and do less things 20 years ago -- now people will call CPS if your kid is walking home alone at age 8, meanwhile I did that in kinder.

I agree with you but I think one of the issues is that many solidly MC and UMC young parents aren’t adjusting for these costs. They still want 2,3,4 kids and the SFH etc. It is unfortunate how costly things have gotten in the past couple of decades but people need to adjust to their own reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. I'm an RN at the VA, meaning we get a very generous amount of leave as feds compared to RNs in other hospitals. We have a wiiiide age range among the RNs, from 25 yo to ~65 yo.

100% of us have children, some still at home and others grown now. But at some point, 100% of us have had small children at home.

The amount of time that the current under-40 crowd is away from work is nothing short of astonishing. They take all their sick days and vacation days (ok) and then they KEEP taking days off, calling out at the last minute. Three of these nurses don't have paid childcare - they just juggle with their spouse or have Mom do it. And when spouse or Mom gets the sniffles or has their own doctor appt? Why naturally my coworkers call out sick.

We -- Gen X -- absolutely did not act like this. I have no idea what has led the current crop of Millennial parents to conclude that they only need to show their face at work about 75% of the time and shove their work onto the conscientious RNs who don't call out every few days.

Probably a multi-year pandemic where you were required to isolate and keep yourself and kids at home at any and every sign of a respiratory illness?

Many daycares still require you to keep your kids home if they are sick. Even schools give you the side-eye; DD had a sore throat in December, the school called me to pick her up immediately and remarked twice to me "she said she's had a sore throat ALL WEEK".

We're expected to keep our kids home so they don't pass their germs around yet also expected to work as if we never have sick kids.

Also it's not really a flex to brag about sending your kids to school no matter how sick they are. I knew a Gen X mom who made her DD continue to go to school after she hurt an ankle, telling her to "walk it off". Turns out the ankle was broken and suffered permanent damage to the growth plates because mom refused to take her to a doctor because she "can't take off work for a twisted ankle".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. I'm an RN at the VA, meaning we get a very generous amount of leave as feds compared to RNs in other hospitals. We have a wiiiide age range among the RNs, from 25 yo to ~65 yo.

100% of us have children, some still at home and others grown now. But at some point, 100% of us have had small children at home.

The amount of time that the current under-40 crowd is away from work is nothing short of astonishing. They take all their sick days and vacation days (ok) and then they KEEP taking days off, calling out at the last minute. Three of these nurses don't have paid childcare - they just juggle with their spouse or have Mom do it. And when spouse or Mom gets the sniffles or has their own doctor appt? Why naturally my coworkers call out sick.

We -- Gen X -- absolutely did not act like this. I have no idea what has led the current crop of Millennial parents to conclude that they only need to show their face at work about 75% of the time and shove their work onto the conscientious RNs who don't call out every few days.

I’m a physician at an academic hospital, and I feel like there has been a huge shift in my employer’s attitude. I have to keep track of everything, and my department will not pay me for one hour that I didn’t work. I teach one 10 week class to our residents and occasionally teach other departments residents and fellows. This accounts for 1% of my salary. I was asked to prove that this actually took 50 hours a year between teaching and prep time. It doesnt. It probably takes more like 30 hours a year. So now they pay me nothing for it.

This all makes me a lot less likely to want to cover for a colleague and do double the work that day. Or to hire emergency childcare if I have a sick child. Why would I dedicate my life to a workplace that thinks of me as just a number?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 48 yo father of 2 teenage girls.I somehow found a way to raise both of these girls and work at the same time.

I am 100% tired of seeing people complain about daycare and how they are going to handle going back to the office...GTFOH man up and figure it our somehow my generation found a way to raise their children before remote work....

I guess I am officially the old grumpy GenX guy, but I am done dealing with this mentally weaker generation!!!

Typical dude. Your wife likely handled all the invisible labor. The sick days, the daycare signups, sports schedules etc.

White male privilege and the lack of awareness is disgusting.

I admit I had the same thought as you for a split second, and then I realized how sexist I was being.

What is more disgusting, making assumption and accustations based on gender or the lack of awareness you assume he has?

[Anonymous]

You just don't remember your age group whining about it 20 years ago. Even if you didn't, others did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. I'm an RN at the VA, meaning we get a very generous amount of leave as feds compared to RNs in other hospitals. We have a wiiiide age range among the RNs, from 25 yo to ~65 yo.

100% of us have children, some still at home and others grown now. But at some point, 100% of us have had small children at home.

The amount of time that the current under-40 crowd is away from work is nothing short of astonishing. They take all their sick days and vacation days (ok) and then they KEEP taking days off, calling out at the last minute. Three of these nurses don't have paid childcare - they just juggle with their spouse or have Mom do it. And when spouse or Mom gets the sniffles or has their own doctor appt? Why naturally my coworkers call out sick.

We -- Gen X -- absolutely did not act like this. I have no idea what has led the current crop of Millennial parents to conclude that they only need to show their face at work about 75% of the time and shove their work onto the conscientious RNs who don't call out every few days.

Childcare was way more affordable and available 20 years ago. Also, HOUSES were way less expensive 20 years ago, so there was more money in general sloshing around.

Fed salaries especially have declined relative to COL in last 20 years, you should be aware of that.

It was also more acceptable to leave kids alone and do less things 20 years ago -- now people will call CPS if your kid is walking home alone at age 8, meanwhile I did that in kinder.

I agree with you but I think one of the issues is that many solidly MC and UMC young parents aren’t adjusting for these costs. They still want 2,3,4 kids and the SFH etc. It is unfortunate how costly things have gotten in the past couple of decades but people need to adjust to their own reality.

I see, because you got yours screw later generations??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 48 yo father of 2 teenage girls.I somehow found a way to raise both of these girls and work at the same time.

I am 100% tired of seeing people complain about daycare and how they are going to handle going back to the office...GTFOH man up and figure it our somehow my generation found a way to raise their children before remote work....

I guess I am officially the old grumpy GenX guy, but I am done dealing with this mentally weaker generation!!!

Typical dude. Your wife likely handled all the invisible labor. The sick days, the daycare signups, sports schedules etc.

White male privilege and the lack of awareness is disgusting.

I admit I had the same thought as you for a split second, and then I realized how sexist I was being.

What is more disgusting, making assumption and accustations based on gender or the lack of awareness you assume he has?

OP is being ageist, criticizing a whole generation. I think it’s allowed tit-for-tat.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that this is not generational. It's bad managers, workers being sh!tty to workers with kids, workers being sh!tty to workers without kids (pick up all the slack) and an awful lot of women being sh!tty to women, OP dad included.

If I could do it even though I was miserable and my kids were miserable then you should too. What kind of healthy person thinks that way? Not one.

[Anonymous]

I am tired of people judging other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 48 yo father of 2 teenage girls. I somehow found a way to raise both of these girls and work at the same time.

I am 100% tired of seeing people complain about daycare and how they are going to handle going back to the office...GTFOH man up and figure it our somehow my generation found a way to raise their children before remote work....

I guess I am officially the old grumpy GenX guy, but I am done dealing with this mentally weaker generation!!!

hahahaha

let's hear from the mother of the girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the millennials I know with two working parents, even if they work from home, have some form of regular professional childcare.

+1 and they are very responsible. The ones that get me are the 20 somethings with no kids that expect time off for every friends wedding, bachelor party (destination party for which they need several days), shower (again a destination party for which they need several days) plus lots and lots of mental health days plus remote time so they can work from wherever their significant other is, and also don’t want to check email on their days away from the office. I may retire early and let the millennials figure this out!